Have you ever dealt with an HR team that protects toxic leaders and silences the people they hurt? In this episode of Narcissism at Work, we explore how narcissism can show up not just in individuals but in entire systems. From performative DEI to HR structures that enable abuse, we unpack how power and progressive language can be used as tools of control. While many HR teams do great work, we’re focusing on what happens when that’s not the case.

This week, I’m joined by Dr. Daksha Hirani and special guest Raakhi, Other Box’s HR consultant, to explore what happens when toxicity becomes institutionalised and what needs to change.

What we cover:

• Why harmful behaviours often go unchallenged, especially when "golden" employees bring in revenue or hold a high status.
• The myth of HR neutrality and how internalised fear can prevent necessary action.
• The role of NDAs and settlement agreements in silencing victims.
• How narcissists exploit race, gender, neurodivergence, and other identities for performative allyship.
• How to spot red flags in leaders and avoid becoming a “flying monkey.”
• The importance of documentation, pattern recognition, and building peer support.
• Tools like S.T.U.F. (Sensations, Thoughts, Urges, Feelings) to reconnect with your truth.

References and Frameworks Mentioned

• CRAP: (Criticism, Rejection, Abandonment, Punishment) core fears exploited in narcissistic abuse.
• FOG: (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) tactics used by narcissists to manipulate.
• S.T.U.F: (Sensations, Thoughts, Urges, Feelings) a self-awareness tool to ground yourself in reality.
• "Flying Monkeys": Narcissistic abuse term for bystanders who unknowingly enable the abuser.

Quote Highlights

• “Your workplace culture is your reputation.” Raakhi Tanvi
•  “You are not making this S.T.U.F up. You know what you know.” Dr. Daksha Hirani
•  “Even if you can’t name names, you can still speak your truth.” Leyya Sattar

Why it matters:

HR is often positioned as the safeguard of workplace wellbeing, yet too often, it becomes the buffer that protects toxic leaders and colleagues instead of the people they harm. When toxicity infiltrates HR, the very systems meant to ensure fairness, safety, and accountability can end up enabling abuse and silencing staff. By exploring this tension, we wanted to show how systemic narcissism hides in plain sight and what needs to shift to rebuild trust, integrity, and actual inclusion at work.

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