Why do people stay in relationships that hurt them? This month on the Too Into You Podcast, we dive into the complex links between love, shame, and trauma.

Mary is flying solo for this episode while Madeline is away, but she’s joined by Suzanna Knight and Niamh Wilson from Women’s Aid’s Training Department. With over 30 years’ combined experience, they’re experts in coercive control and the impact of trauma in intimate relationships.

Together, we unpack what a trauma bond really is, how shame keeps people feeling stuck, and why leaving an abusive relationship is never as simple as “just walking away.”

We’ll explore:

If you’ve ever wondered “Why didn’t they leave?” or asked yourself “Why do I feel this way?”, this episode will give you real answers, and remind you that you’re not alone.

If you are worried about your own or a friend’s relationship you can:

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Chapters:

00:00 - Intro

03:19 – What is trauma?

06:49 - Fight, flight and freeze – Why Your Body Reacts This Way

16.45 – How abusers use shame to keep you trapped

25.51 – Trauma Bonds: Why Leaving Isn’t Simple

28.49 – Why do people control their partners?

31.48 – Healing: The antidote to trauma and shame