Forgiveness can lead to the transformation of self and relationships. But the question is, how to forgive when life and people have been so challenging? How to forgive when you've been holding onto hurt for so long

Carrie realized that if she was going to help other women live their best lives she was going to have to figure out how to forgive the people in her life who had hurt her. Holding onto unforgiveness is like a brick in your life. It's like a brick weighing you down as you are thrown into the water and if you don't get the brick off, you will drown. Robyn shared how her anxiety always manifests in her stomach, similar to how Carrie said that the stress and unforgiveness were eating her up from the inside out.

When we have negative emotions, anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness, they harbor themselves physically because of the intricate connection between the brain and body.

How to forgive ourselves knowing that forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves

As Carrie began to study forgiveness, she realized that if she forgave, she would be giving her offenders a free ticket out and they would be able to hurt her again. She was thinking that forgiveness and reconciliation were one and the same, but they are not.

How to forgive when afraid of the past

The first thing Carrie did was to educate herself on what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It doesn't mean that you have to reconcile the person or give them a free pass, they still have consequences. We do not have to accept consequences on ourselves or have these people in our lives. Carrie then found the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, which includes saying thank you. It is also important to ask for forgiveness for harboring the anger for so many years. Saying I love to the person who hurt you is also important because you'll see that they helped you learn more about yourself.

Likewise, saying thank you to your offenders is a key part of being able to forgive. It helps you be aware of the people you hurt as well. Asking for forgiveness is also a huge part of this journey.

And, having gratitude for the person or the emotions you experience can help you grow and move through the pain. Things don't happen to you, they happen to you. When you see the opportunity of growth or the positive in the experience, which may be hard to do, you can feel gratitude and move closer to forgiveness.

Read the full show notes and access all links. 

Perhaps the thought of forgiving someone is making you anxious? Start navigating your anxiety around the person you need to forgive by downloading my free eBook, Alleviating Anxiety by Developing Healthy Habits for a Healthy Mind.