A great marriage is not one in which your partner supplies joy and a sense of worth, but one in which they reflect and magnify the joy and self-worth already within you.

As you come to terms with that, and release him from holding your emotional health, you will have fewer arguments because you’ll have healed those fearful raw spots which trigger your defenses.

You are also giving up trying to “control or fix other people’s problems.” As you work on the marriage you honor and express a loving confidence in his ability to learn and grow and choose for himself. And far from being a “doormat” or taking on more than your fair share, you are empowered to set boundaries and make simple, fortifying requests. You are loving yourself, and the love overflows to him and the marriage gets “simpler and freer and richer and clearer,” (to quote the lyrics of the late, great Stephen Sondheim). Take the “What is Your WifeStyle?” quiz at

https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/61c0e2c4b3f4200018bf41e0