All the work you are putting in, the failure, the small achievements, rejection, occasional scares are a means to achieving various things at a time. Life is hard, life is beautiful, life is a journey with a course you do not have a choice but to live through. It is not that you aren't blessed enough or that you are too special. It is how things work. Encourage yourself, you are doing ok, you are progressing towards evwrything that needs to happen.