We live in the most connected era in human history, and somehow, we have never been more alone. That paradox is the beating heart of Unknown: Finding Connection in a Disconnected World, the USA Today bestseller from leadership coach and New Hope Church founder Keith Spurgin. After years of advising leaders across North America, Europe, and Africa, Spurgin kept hearing the same quiet confession over and over: “I’m surrounded by people, but I feel completely alone.”

Today on A New Direction, he joins us live to talk about why that ache of aloneness shows up everywhere — in marriages, in friendships, and especially in the lives of the leaders we assume have it all figured out.  We can have great success and still be totally alone.  And

What makes this conversation different is that Spurgin isn’t speaking from a podium. He’s speaking from the night his wife told him it felt like he had “a mistress” — not another person, but his work, his calling, and his reputation, all of which had quietly crowded her out. It rocked his world, and it took years to rebuild. Thirty-eight years of marriage later, he’s living proof that disconnection doesn’t have to be the end of the story. That honesty is exactly why readers keep saying this book “reflects my own life” and “is going to change my life” — and it’s why this episode is going to hit closer to home than you expect.

For leaders, the stakes are even higher. You can build a brilliant strategy, hit every number, and still be running a team of people who don’t actually know each other — or you. You feel everything falls on you…and you are alone at the top. Spurgin argues that healthy culture isn’t built on performance; it’s built on genuine connection, and most of us were never taught how to create it. In this conversation he lays out the practical road map at the core of Unknown: how to move relationships from lifeless and transactional to vibrant and real, and how the leaders who master this end up building teams people never want to leave. If you’ve ever wondered why your organization feels busy but hollow, this is the missing piece.

Keith Spurgin‘s book, “Unknown: Finding Connection in a Disconnected World” is an honest, insightful look into the epidemic that is growing around the world.  Being alone and being “unknown”.  The fact of the matter is that being alone and loneliness is growing and no one is talking about it.  Yes are we more technologically connected…sure.  But what we are truly build and designed for is 3-dimensional human connection, and without it according to research comes a number of physical problems with a shorter life span.

Keith Spurgin, doesn’t pull any punches in Unknown.  He is vulnerable with his own shortcomings.  He is honest with where he has missed the mark and how in some cases he recovered and others, he did not.  He helps us to understand that having these truly connected deep relationships enhances our lives as not only leaders, but as people.  The problem that most of us face is that we are all broken people and relationships are not easy.

Many people believe that they don’t need people.  They have convinced themselves of the lie that they are independent, and life is safer without the complications.  However, what we learn is that even the most independent of us still will try to have relationships, but we bounce from one to another, so we don’t get hurt.  We ultimately fall into the relationship pain cycle.

For leaders it is more difficult.  Many have made the choice that being alone is the price to pay for being on top.  Spurgin explains that it’s not the best we to lead.  We are only mediocre at best when we go it alone.  And you can’t go from good to great when you are satisfied with mediocrity.

The book takes through some practical steps we all need to consider, because it is not just having great relationships we must choose wisely.  Because you should know that the deeper relationships you have, have your back.  They are the ones who can listen without judgement and yet can call you out when you have gone off the rails.  Does it take time?  Of course it does.  You may say you don’t have the time.  But who’s choice is that?

At the end of the day, we come to learn a couple of important factors from Unknown: First, we need relationships to make us better.  Second, love (not in the movie version) of your closest friends changes the landscape of being alone.  And three, we are all broken people, and so relationships require work, vulnerability, forgiveness, and reconciliation.  It’s not easy, but as with anything else, it is the hard things that are worth it.  I highly recommend “Unknown“

Get your copy of Unknown by clicking here. 

Make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast so this one lands in your feed. Whether you lead a company, a team, an organization, a church, or a household, you’ll walk away with language for something you’ve felt for years but couldn’t name, and a real path toward changing it. Some episodes inform you. This one might just reconnect you. Don’t watch it alone — share it with the person who needs to hear it most.

We really would like to ask you to thank our sponsors.  Their financial support of A New Direction is so critical to helping us provide quality guests, books, and great sounding show.

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Linda Craft Team, Realtors they literally are a locally owned independent real estate company,  that serves the world.

How can a small company serve the world?

They have created relationships with the best real estate experts in the world to help you regardless of where you live get the best person possible.

And because they are independent of any national brand, they have relationships with other professionals from all the companies, not just the ones that are part of a national branded network.

For more than 39 years they continue to build relationships because that is how Linda started the business and continues to do so today.  Head on over to www.LindaCraft.com

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Executive Performance Coach  |  Host of A New Direction

Every week on A New Direction, I sit down with CEOs, founders, and the researchers behind the science of leadership performance. The conversations go deep. We talk about the decisions that built companies, the mistakes that nearly destroyed them, and the personal breakthroughs that changed everything.

But here’s what most people don’t know about me: the show is an extension of the work I do every day with executives behind closed doors.

I’m an Executive Performance Coach. I work with CEOs and founders of $5M-$50M companies who have hit a wall they can’t explain. The marketing looks fine. The team is capable. The market is there. But the business won’t move.

The problem, almost every time, is the person running it.

I find the personal behavioral patterns that are driving the business dysfunction. Then I help the CEO disrupt those patterns so the company can grow. That’s it. No motivational platitudes. No vision boards. Diagnostics, intervention, results.

My approach comes from two places most coaches never set foot in.

The farm. I grew up as a farmhand in Ithaca, Nebraska—population 100. I started working at nine years old. By the time I left for college, I’d spent a decade learning that you can’t cheat the harvest, pain is part of the job, and the work has to get done whether you feel like it or not. I was fourteen the first time I had to castrate boars. Nobody was going to do it for me. That lesson never left: sometimes you have to do things afraid.

The forensic psychology unit. In graduate school at Washington State University, I trained under Dr. Thomas Brigham—co-author of the Handbook of Applied Behavior Analysis—in a human behavior lab focused on real-world problems. I then served in a Clinical Psych II role at Eastern State Hospital in Medical Lake, Washington, a forensic setting where I conducted psychological evaluations of individuals charged with the most serious criminal offenses. Sixteen months assessing human behavior at its most extreme taught me how to cut through defenses, identify what’s really driving someone’s decisions, and see what they can’t see in themselves.

The post It’s Alone at the Top and 3 Ways to Change It appeared first on Jay Izso.