I would say it's not just a boundary problem that you're experiencing, you have a negotiation problem. Sorry to tell you. But the fact is that you are still negotiating with people who have already shown you that they won't respect the terms. They won't respect your terms. And I've lived this. I've seen it so many times where a client disappears for three weeks and then appears expecting you to drop everything.

And you drop everything for that client. I've seen you do it. So it all comes down to how you allow the client to negotiate and renegotiate those terms that you've already set. If you set a boundary, you've set a boundary. And that's it. Yeah? No reopening of the terms of that boundary. And what you're going to have to do is not just set boundaries, you're going to have to start enforcing them a little bit better. Because they are not confused about your boundaries. They're not. They're testing whether you will enforce them. And they're winning. They are winning. Because every time you have to explain and re-explain, every time you justify and rejustify, every time you make an exception for them "for this one last time" it's always one last time, you're teaching them that the boundary doesn't exist.

Because if you're supposed to deliver certain scope under the contract and they are not giving you the information that you need, but at the same time they want to scope creep on you, you're going to have to have a discussion with them. You're definitely going to have to have a discussion with them. Outline to them your boundary again. And enforce it. Understand: you are absolutely going to have to enforce it. This isn't even just a boundary discussion anymore. The boundary is what happens when it's crossed. And once you understand that, you are going to stop explaining and convincing and stop negotiating with these people.

Because they've already shown you who they are. And you're going to have to decide whether or not after this contract you're going to work with them again. Maybe they are a client for another person. I've had quite a few of those. Quite a few of those clients where I'm just like: client is different for a different person. Not for me. Not for me. Especially because I know how I am, I like to just create an environment where I don't have to deal with clients like that anymore. So that's it, girl. It's not just a boundary that you're going to have to enforce right now. You just have to shut down negotiations. There's no negotiation of anything that we've already agreed and signed and sealed. And that's that.

This one's for you if:

1. You keep explaining and re-explaining your boundaries to the same people

2. Clients disappear and reappear expecting you to drop everything

3. You say "one last time" but it's never actually the last time

4. You know how to set boundaries but struggle to enforce them

5. They're not confused. They're testing you. And they're winning.

This podcast is for women who are done performing. If you want more of this energy the kind of conversation that reminds you who you actually are visit wwdaglobal.com and step into the room.

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About Women Who Don't Apologise:

Over 150 episodes exploring power, boundaries, capacity, and what it means to live on your own terms. Hosted by Patricia Haywood—lawyer, The Queen of Construction Contracts, Top 100 Woman in Construction, GC, and chief unapologetic mistress. For women 40+ who are exhausted from following everyone else's blueprint.