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Jack's Birthday
Cait Raft: “It hurts Andy..It really hurts because they like don’t understand what it’s like to be
a girl out there on your husband's birthday...to exist on your husband's birthday, like to even be alive. It’s like so hard on you as a spouse —so much stress.”
Andy Cohen: “Tell us about the stress Cait, what things were you planning for Jacks big day?”
Cait: “Well like nothing really, but I have like so much to do everyday already: I have to remember to breathe, to make sure all the oxygen is going to the right places, make sure my blood cells are flowing right, make sure that i’m sending the right electrical signals to my organs...It’s a lot! I’m not like these other girls y’know, I don’t have an autonomic nervous system to fall back on. I’m 100% self-made, 24/7”
Andy: “You...you don’t have an autonomic nervous system?”
Cait: “No I told you last season Andy, I got rid of it! That thing with Sensei Dan—”
Jack Allison: “—Absolutely, Cait’s been grinding non stop with Sensei Dan, and a little while ago he told her that in order to unlock her true Chi levels, she would have to learn to control all the internal functions of her body manually, and she...well she like—did it! and she’s got untold power now, she’s like the top—”
Cait: “—like in the top 3 most powerful Chi users I think he said.”
Jack: “See? Look at that, top three!”
Cait: “And I can control when I poop and pee —and my period too.”
Andy: “Ah...”
Cait: “And that’s what just makes it hurt worse Andy y’know like, I'm practically a demi-god now and like I can’t even enjoy my hubbys freaking b-day without haters, coming out of the freaking woodwork saying I wasn’t in CakeWars, or wasn’t in this—wasn’t in that. When I actually like, really was...Ugh! this whole thing seriously just makes me...”
*The lights flicker on and off*
Cait: “Makes me so…”
*The ground shakes, equipment falls over*
Jack: “Honey, honey —breathe.”
*Caits eyes go white and she levitates out of her chair, electricity crackles around her*
Andy: “Uuh, okay everyone thanks for tuning in to this seasons JackAm Reunion, see you next—”
Cait: “—Angry!”
*A large flash of light blankets the room*
Topics Discussed on Today’s Episode: Jack’s Bday, Lyin Liz, Cait-CakeWars, GunGirl, Biden, Bye-Bye Boyscouts and Bernie Bro Terror!!
VOD link for this episode here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/553961013
View all episodes
By JackAM
4.9
6060 ratings
Cait Raft: “It hurts Andy..It really hurts because they like don’t understand what it’s like to be
a girl out there on your husband's birthday...to exist on your husband's birthday, like to even be alive. It’s like so hard on you as a spouse —so much stress.”
Andy Cohen: “Tell us about the stress Cait, what things were you planning for Jacks big day?”
Cait: “Well like nothing really, but I have like so much to do everyday already: I have to remember to breathe, to make sure all the oxygen is going to the right places, make sure my blood cells are flowing right, make sure that i’m sending the right electrical signals to my organs...It’s a lot! I’m not like these other girls y’know, I don’t have an autonomic nervous system to fall back on. I’m 100% self-made, 24/7”
Andy: “You...you don’t have an autonomic nervous system?”
Cait: “No I told you last season Andy, I got rid of it! That thing with Sensei Dan—”
Jack Allison: “—Absolutely, Cait’s been grinding non stop with Sensei Dan, and a little while ago he told her that in order to unlock her true Chi levels, she would have to learn to control all the internal functions of her body manually, and she...well she like—did it! and she’s got untold power now, she’s like the top—”
Cait: “—like in the top 3 most powerful Chi users I think he said.”
Jack: “See? Look at that, top three!”
Cait: “And I can control when I poop and pee —and my period too.”
Andy: “Ah...”
Cait: “And that’s what just makes it hurt worse Andy y’know like, I'm practically a demi-god now and like I can’t even enjoy my hubbys freaking b-day without haters, coming out of the freaking woodwork saying I wasn’t in CakeWars, or wasn’t in this—wasn’t in that. When I actually like, really was...Ugh! this whole thing seriously just makes me...”
*The lights flicker on and off*
Cait: “Makes me so…”
*The ground shakes, equipment falls over*
Jack: “Honey, honey —breathe.”
*Caits eyes go white and she levitates out of her chair, electricity crackles around her*
Andy: “Uuh, okay everyone thanks for tuning in to this seasons JackAm Reunion, see you next—”
Cait: “—Angry!”
*A large flash of light blankets the room*
Topics Discussed on Today’s Episode: Jack’s Bday, Lyin Liz, Cait-CakeWars, GunGirl, Biden, Bye-Bye Boyscouts and Bernie Bro Terror!!
VOD link for this episode here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/553961013