Jack has several harrowing travel stories, which explains why he was ghosting girls this past weekend in a quest to catch up on sleep. Kevin reminds him this is the way we were meant to live - living in our basements. Ryan is fuming over a change in workspaces while Kevin is eagerly awaiting his next play.

Meanwhile Nicholas Cage got married for a few minutes, the AAF folded, Bryce Harper is scum, Ryan reviews Us and the bracket is yet another masterpiece.