While visiting a familiar area in the city today, I got to thinking about the person I used to be. It was good to realize that I have grown, that I have changed from who I was then. Thank God! Cause that person was not a good person. She was messed up in every way possible at that time. So when you look back over any part of your life can you see a difference? If it’s good, great, if it’s bad, then maybe see what can be done differently… IF you want to be better, have better, do better.

The title says it all, because what now? I’ve been messing with this for a couple of years and haven’t moved forward with much.

Talk will never matter unless it’s put into action regarding a vision right?

If you’re inspired, take it and make some moves!

I’ll be back, and I’ll tell my ugly,.. well I’ll tell more of what I feel will help me heal from the ugly anyway.

Short and sweet

Change is constant. So how do you handle it? People and things come and go throughout your life. Sometimes you may need to mourn the things and people who have come and gone. Mourn the patterns that you let go, because they are no longer apply to the way you walk in this life.

LET IT GO

EULOGIZE IT

I stated on my last episode that I was going to come back and discuss other things that may be contributing to my anxiety.

It’s exhausting to feel this way, unable to bring yourself down. That fight or flight mode is no joke! Do I run? Do I stay? Where do I go? Who can I turn to?

Once you’re able to come down and look at everything you realize you were all hype for nothing, that it was always going to be ok.

I’m still getting used to that, for too long I convinced myself that it would never be ok.

“Don’t worry, about a thing, cause every little thing, gonna be alright” - Bob Marley

The title is taken from the song Anxiety by Doechii, in case you didn't know. As I stated my anxiety has been high since last week! I have looked over all the typical reasons for me to be anxious and did what I felt would ground me, but it didn't work.

I felt myself thinking about old coping mechanisms, like having a drink to calm my nerves, but I really feel that I have control of this. With it being a while since I have felt this way, (thankful for that), I have not had much practice with grounding.

I realize that hiding out from the world is preventing me from applying the knowledge that I have obtained on this issue. So, ew, as much as I do not want to be out here being in places that will actually help with this, I guess I gonna go on and do it.

Even if all that you do today is survive, you accomplished something. Saw that somewhere.

Some may think they’re at a point where they can’t grow anymore, and that’s ok too.

Then there’s me, someone who believes that every day there’s an opportunity to grow in one way or another.

Shalom

Yep. Today I’m a bit stirred up..

it’s one thing for people you don’t connect with at the church to not help you, but it’s a whole different thing for the people of the church to not help you…

But, sure will hit you up for that money! And will call you out on it too.

I’m not a Christian, I don’t want to be included in on that phrase.

I’m a Christ believer and follower, and that’s what I’ll exemplify.

Not a “Christian” that looks nothing like Christ.

Just thinking about my commitment issues and how it begins with me keeping commitments to myself first.

Once I shift that pattern it will be easier to be committed to other people and things. That’s my belief anyway, I’ll come back and edit it based on what the counselor tells me haha!

Hey hey… there will be good days and bad days.

It’s how you face the bad days that matter the most.

I refuse to allow the difficult times to steal my joy and my peace.

I’m still here, for now, and I’m going to use my time to LIVE the days I’m blessed with.

Take care of yourselves out there, you mean truly matter.

I typically try to do what I say. So here I am on this beautiful Tuesday here in Oklahoma adding to yesterday‘s road thoughts.

I get to have surgery, so I get to be at home for a little bit afterwards. Definitely can’t complain about that. And you know I’m believing that I’m going to be able to eat halfway normal well OK on the recording I said I was going to do better so let me say better than normal ha ha.

I’m gonna go back to fear says what if and faith says even if.. with this I’m going to go with the latter.