Journey to Lasting Love

Everyone said how lucky she got. What a great guy. Easy love. Lucky her.

She wasn’t prettier than anyone else. She wasn’t more impressive. She didn’t catch a break the rest of us missed. So what did she actually do?

That’s this week’s talk. There is no such thing as luck in love. Luck gets made twice. First in the choosing, when you set the judgment aside long enough to actually know a man before you decide he’s no good. Then inside the relationship, in where your attention goes. Put it on the nose picking and the mess by the sink and you make your own bad luck. Put it on the coffee he made you, the way he checks on you, the way he looks at you, and you’re the lucky one.

One thing I say out loud: deal breakers are not cracks. Respect, commitment and shared goals are the floor. Above the floor, luck is a choice you make every day. Including the night my husband brought out the blood pressure cuff.

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:38 Is there such a thing as lucky in love?
1:07 Hi, I’m Tina
1:34 The most important decision you will ever make
2:18 She got so lucky
2:31 We are the architects of our own luck
2:57 Annihilating the guy before you know him
3:45 Luck in the choosing: set aside the judgment
4:45 Luck in the relationship: focus
5:17 Deal breakers are not what I’m talking about
5:55 Everyone has flaws
6:35 Where does your focus go?
7:16 The neon sign
7:36 Pants, farts and the couch
8:42 What makes him special?
9:25 The small things
10:00 I’m so lucky
11:17 The three pillars are the floor
12:30 Don’t do it on autopilot
12:57 The blood pressure cuff
13:25 He is watching out for me
14:36 Say thank you
15:08 Flip the switch
15:50 This is how you become lucky in love
16:42 Outro

Read the written version: https://tshayani.substack.com/p/how-to-get-lucky-in-love

If you are at a crossroads in your relationship, book your Breakthrough Call. One hour, just us. Walk away with answers and next steps.
https://thebreakthroughcall.tshaycoaching.com/97-breakthrough-call

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TITLE

Competing with a Fantasy

DESCRIPTION

Is there a fantasy version of your life standing between you and real happiness in a relationship?

It sounds crazy, but it happens to people a lot more than you would imagine. We build up in our heads a version of what life should be, what a man should do, what a woman should do, how it should feel. And we get so wrapped up in that picture that we don't recognize a good thing when it walks in. We're programmed to look for one thing only.

This week: the gorilla study (a basketball game, a count of baskets, and a gorilla most people never saw), the difference between knowing what you want and being locked into a picture, and my client who fell in love with a man who looked nothing like the man she described to me. He came in as a friend. If he had come in as a suitor, she would have told him to get lost.

Then the harder part. Why committing feels so scary when there are infinite possibilities on your phone. Why the most dangerous fantasy is the one built around a love you lost. And why staying in a relationship without fully committing means you're not looking for the other thing either, you're just not going deeper. Every relationship, new or fifty years old, hits a crossroads. Do I go deeper or do I pull away? The secret is knowing that the crossroads is normal, and choosing again.

In this episode:

The fantasy version of your life

Dreams are goals, but too much of a good thing turns negative

The gorilla on the basketball court

Is it bad, or is it just not what I imagined?

The client who fell in love with her friend

Swiping past everyone vs meeting someone in the wild

If I choose you, I close the door on everyone else

The fantasy built around the one that got away

Staying without committing

Commitment has levels, and so do crossroads

Divorced after fifty years

It's not just about you

Are you willing to let go of the fantasy, at least a little?

Chapters:

0:00 Intro

0:38 Is there a fantasy version of your life?

1:26 What we build up in our heads

2:15 Dreams, goals, and too much of a good thing

3:57 The gorilla on the basketball court

5:18 Don't miss the gorilla in the room

6:44 Is it bad, or just not what I imagined?

7:17 My client and the man she never would have picked

9:05 Swiping past everyone

10:39 If I choose you, I close the door

10:50 The most dangerous fantasy: the one you lost

12:33 Staying but not committing

13:15 Commitment has levels

14:31 Divorced after fifty years

15:54 The secret to a lasting relationship

16:57 It's not just about you

17:40 Closing

18:18 Outro

If you are at a crossroads, don't just think about it. Go to Instagram, find me at @journeytolastinglove, and comment the word ENOUGH. I'll send you my free guide.

SETTINGS

Season: 3

Episode: 4

Episode type: Full

Explicit: No

Publish: Now (or schedule for Wednesday Oct 28, 11 AM ET to match the Instagram post)

STEPS

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3. Paste the title. Paste the description.

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5. Season 3, Episode 4, Full, Explicit No.

6. Publish.

7. Do not use Spotify's intro, music or trim tools. The intro, outro and music are already in the file.

Chapter times come from the word timings in the transcript, accurate to within a second or two.

How do you love someone you don’t respect?

You can’t. Without respect, love cannot survive. That is why love is not on my list of the three things that make a relationship last the test of time. Love is the prerequisite. Without these three, it doesn’t stand a chance. It gets crushed like a bug. At best, it’s lust.

This week I lay out the three essentials of a relationship of a lifetime, according to TShay Coaching: mutual respect, real commitment, and mutual goals. Why there are lines you never cross no matter how angry you are. Why we model behavior for each other, and what my friend did when her husband’s neatness was a disease. What commitment actually means (I choose you again and again, every day, all other doors closed) and why insecurity is the root of so much evil in relationships. And why two people who love each other can still be a recipe for disaster if they want completely different things out of life.

In this episode:
Why love is a prerequisite, not a pillar
The lines you never cross, even in rage
Name calling, cursing, attacking relatives: what erodes respect
We model behavior for each other
The husband whose neatness was a disease
Commitment: I choose you again and again
Insecurity, and why a real commitment makes it disappear
Mutual goals: the squirrel over the campfire
The foodie and the back roads guy
The three questions to ask at a crossroads
Twenty nine years married, and the question of children

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:38 Three essentials, and love is not one of them
2:22 Pillar one: mutual respect
3:11 The lines you never cross
5:26 We model behavior for each other
6:29 The husband whose neatness was a disease
7:51 Pillar two: commitment
8:36 Insecurity, the root of so much evil
12:10 Pillar three: mutual goals
13:10 The foodie and the back roads guy
14:56 At the crossroads: three questions
16:53 Twenty nine years married
17:45 Closing
19:03 Outro

If you are at a crossroads, don’t just think about it. Go to Instagram, find me at @journeytolastinglove, and comment the word ENOUGH. I’ll send you my free guide.

If you are miserable, it’s your fault. If you are happy, that’s your fault too. This week I explain why that is the best news you’ll hear all year, and I give you the tools to do something with it.

You have a happiness thermostat. It’s set to a number, and every time life turns the heat up, you find something to be unhappy about until you’re back where you started. Gay Hendricks calls it the upper limit. I’ve watched people destroy a good and wonderful relationship with a truly good and wonderful person because of it. I’ve caught myself doing it too.

In this episode:
The woman who has been at the same crossroads for 29 years
Blame versus responsibility, and why responsibility is the power position
Why anger is a step up from victim, and why you don’t go from one to ten in one shot
The happiness thermostat and the upper limit
The vacation where I picked a fight with my husband for no reason, and how I caught it
The friend who waited for the other shoe to fall until it did
Why the thermostat also protects you, and how to raise it two degrees at a time
Why the biggest mistake at a crossroads is not choosing

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:38 It’s your fault
1:03 Who this is for: the crossroads
2:52 29 years at the same crossroads
4:34 Blame versus responsibility
6:50 From victim to anger is progress
8:06 The happiness thermostat
10:30 The upper limit
11:57 The vacation story
13:55 Waiting for the other shoe to fall
16:14 The choice is up to you
16:39 The lower limit protects you
17:58 Raise it two degrees at a time
19:39 Pick a direction
21:37 Closing
22:11 Outro

If you’re ready to move forward, don’t just think about it. Go to Instagram, find me at @journeytolastinglove, and DM me the word ENOUGH. I’ll send you my free guide.

"I'll be happy when." When it finally feels easy. When the next one is different. When nothing needs work anymore.

In the 1960s a scientist built rats a perfect world. Unlimited food, no predators, nothing to struggle for. The colony collapsed. This week I take that experiment into the coaching room and into your relationship.

In this episode:
Why the perfect relationship has never existed, and why you wouldn't want it
Deal breakers: the one that's black and white, and why the rest are yours to define
Why the crossroads you keep hitting is the relationship asking you to grow
Why a good coach never tells you what to do
How to know if this is a relationship you belong in, or if it's time to walk away
Why it doesn't have to be horrifying to leave, and why limbo is where relationships turn toxic

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:38 "I'll be happy when"
1:40 The rat utopia
4:30 No relationship on earth is perfect
5:30 Deal breakers are yours
6:30 The crossroads is the gift
9:30 Nobody should tell you what to do
10:30 Limbo, and deciding
13:00 It doesn't have to be horrifying to leave
15:00 You create your own happiness
18:00 Outro

If you're ready to move forward, don't just think about it. Go to Instagram, find me at @journeytolastinglove, and DM me the word ENOUGH. I'll send you my free guide.

What happens after the heartbreak — when you quietly promise yourself “Never again”?
You build the walls. You get strong. You learn to keep people at a safe distance.
But what if that vow to protect yourself is also what’s keeping real love from finding you?

In this episode, Tina Shayani explores the hidden cost of emotional self-protection — how the walls you build to avoid pain can also keep out the connection and depth you’re longing for.
You’ll learn how to open your heart again without losing yourself, how to separate fear from wisdom, and how to turn your pain into power.

🔑 Key Points

• The “Never again” vow: how pain quietly shapes your beliefs about love.

• Why emotional walls don’t just keep people out — they keep you stuck.

• How avoiding vulnerability limits your ability to experience real joy.

• The difference between discernment and defensiveness.

• Why rejection isn’t rejection — it’s redirection.

• How to reopen your heart without repeating old mistakes.

• The quiet courage of trying again, even when your heart remembers the pain.

• You can’t protect yourself from heartbreak and still expect to feel deep love.

• Pain is inevitable — suffering is optional.

• Real strength isn’t in avoiding pain; it’s in walking through it with grace.

• You are not being rejected by life — you’re being redirected toward what fits.

• Vulnerability is not weakness. It’s the doorway to connection.

🌺Listener Takeaways

You can’t protect yourself from heartbreak and still expect to feel deep love.

You can’t build a healthy relationship by trying to fix someone.
In this episode, Tina Shayani breaks down why caring, capable people keep falling for “projects” — and how to finally stop confusing potential with partnership.

In This Episode:

• Why smart, loving people get trapped in “project relationships.”

• How movies and fairy tales taught us to confuse love with saving.

• The difference between inspiration and rescue.

• What “dating a promise instead of a person” looks like.

• Two real stories (Sarah & Eliana) and what finally helped them stop repeating the same pattern.

Key Takeaways:

1. You can’t heal someone through love — they have to want to change.

2. If it’s inconsistent now, it won’t magically fix itself later.

3. You’re not in love with them — you’re in love with their potential.

4. A promise can’t love you back.

5. Real love is partnership, not a project.

Chapters:
00:00 – Intro: Building Love That Lasts
00:36 – The “Fixer-Upper” Relationship Pattern
02:45 – Why We Fall for Projects
07:10 – The Danger of Falling for Potential
11:15 – Sarah’s Story: Loving from Survival, Not Wholeness
17:10 – Eliana’s Story: Chemistry vs. Anxiety
21:15 – The Wake-Up Moment: Awareness Is Power
23:40 – The Shift from Fantasy to Reality
27:00 – How to Stop Choosing Fixer-Uppers

Connect with Tina:
Instagram → @JourneyToLastingLove
Facebook → TShay Coaching
DM the word CYCLE to get your free guide: Breaking the Cycle

In this episode of Journey to Lasting Love, host Tina Shayani explores the complexities of relationship standards, addressing the common dilemma of whether individuals are asking for too much or not enough in their romantic pursuits. She emphasizes the importance of having personal standards while cautioning against using them as a defense mechanism to avoid vulnerability. The conversation delves into the balance between giving potential partners a chance and recognizing deal-breakers, ultimately guiding listeners towards a path of self-awareness and successful relationships.

Takeaways

Standards are your rights and preferences in relationships.

It's crucial to know what you want in a partner.

Using standards as a defense mechanism can hinder relationships.

Give people a chance to surprise you.

Don't linger in relationships that don't meet your standards.

Identify which category you fall into regarding relationship standards.

Self-knowledge is key to navigating relationships successfully.

Let go of those who are not meant for you.

The journey to finding the right partner involves sorting through many options.

Building a successful relationship requires ongoing effort and commitment.

🌟 Stay Connected & Transform Your Love Life! 🌟

💖 Ready to break free from unhealthy patterns and attract lasting love? Join Tina Shayani on your journey to a fulfilling relationship.

🔗 Visit the Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TShayCoaching.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

📸 Follow on Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@JourneyToLastingLove⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

👍 Like on Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TShay Coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

▶️ Subscribe on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@TShayCoaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

💼 Connect on LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tina Shayani⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

🔔 Follow & Subscribe so you never miss an episode—your journey to real love starts today! 💕✨

In this episode of Journey to Lasting Love, host Tina Shayani explores the reasons why individuals often attract the wrong partners in relationships. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, the power of beliefs, and the role of hope in overcoming negative experiences. Through understanding attraction patterns and learning from past relationships, listeners are encouraged to shift their mindset and focus on personal growth to create healthier connections.

Takeaways

Attraction patterns often stem from our beliefs and focus.

Self-awareness is crucial in recognizing negative patterns.

Negative experiences can teach valuable lessons about what we want.

Hope is essential for resilience in relationships.

We have the power to change our point of attraction.

Beliefs shape our reality and experiences in love.

Awareness of subconscious beliefs can lead to personal growth.

Every relationship serves a purpose in our journey.

Empowerment comes from recognizing our own strength.

Learning from past mistakes helps us move forward.

🌟 Stay Connected & Transform Your Love Life! 🌟

💖 Ready to break free from unhealthy patterns and attract lasting love? Join Tina Shayani on your journey to a fulfilling relationship.

🔗 Visit the Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TShayCoaching.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

📸 Follow on Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@JourneyToLastingLove⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

👍 Like on Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TShay Coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

▶️ Subscribe on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@TShayCoaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

💼 Connect on LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tina Shayani⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

🔔 Follow & Subscribe so you never miss an episode—your journey to real love starts today! 💕✨

In this episode, Tina Shayani discusses the emotional pain associated with breakups and offers guidance on how to navigate the healing process. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the pain, implementing a no contact rule, letting go of fantasies about the relationship, finding support, and learning from the experience to foster personal growth.

Takeaways

The pain of a breakup is real and excruciating.

You can survive the pain of a breakup.

Going no contact is crucial for healing.

Letting go of the relationship is difficult but necessary.

Understanding the source of pain helps in the healing process.

You must sever ties completely to heal effectively.

It's normal to grieve the loss of a future you imagined with the person.

Love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.

Breakups can lead to personal growth and learning.

You have the power to heal and move forward.

🌟 Stay Connected & Transform Your Love Life! 🌟

💖 Ready to break free from unhealthy patterns and attract lasting love? Join Tina Shayani on your journey to a fulfilling relationship.

🔗 Visit the Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TShayCoaching.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

📸 Follow on Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@JourneyToLastingLove⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

👍 Like on Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TShay Coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

▶️ Subscribe on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@TShayCoaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

💼 Connect on LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tina Shayani⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

🔔 Follow & Subscribe so you never miss an episode—your journey to real love starts today! 💕✨