Just Be Your Bad Self

Hey friend,

In today’s episode, I’m sharing the next chapter of my story—the one that doesn’t have a neat resolution or tidy bow.

Prodigal Daughter (Part 2): Descent into the Unknown is about what happened after I walked away. After the break. After the big decision. It’s the part no one really prepares you for—the unraveling, the freefall, the weird space in-between where nothing feels real and everything feels tender.

This episode is a vulnerable one. I talk about:

* The ache of not knowing who I am anymore

* The strange grief that comes with shedding old identities

* The soft whispers of intuition that kept me moving forward, even when I didn’t know where I was going

There’s no map for this part. Just a willingness to let yourself fall, feel, and maybe be found again—somewhere deeper and wilder and more honest.

If you’re in a messy middle of your own—if you’ve left something behind but haven’t quite landed yet—I hope this episode feels like a hand to hold. A quiet reminder that you’re not alone in the in-between.

Thanks for being here. For real. I don’t take it lightly that you let me into your ears and your heart.

With so much tenderness,Kimber

✨P.S. I’d love to hear what resonated. Leave a comment, send me a pm on instagram @thatkimbergirl, or send me a voice memo if you're listening on Spotify. I read and listen to everything, and it means the world. 💛

PPS Here is a link to a fun illustration and description of the Hero’s Journey, in case you are interested!

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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com

Welcome back, my sweet sea cucumbers. Today’s episode is a cozy, candlelit kind of storytelling moment. I’m finally sharing something I’ve never told all in one go before: the story of my spiritual journey over the past decade.

From being a devout, scripture-loving Mormon girl at BYU-Idaho to having my world fall apart—and slowly, painfully, beautifully putting it back together again in a whole new way.

This story (which I will tell in parts) is about the unraveling, the grief, the identity crisis, the dark nights... but it’s also about rediscovering my magic, reclaiming my voice, and finding my own kind of wholeness.

If you’ve ever felt like the ground beneath you gave out, or like you didn’t know how to be a “good person” anymore when everything you were taught started to crumble… I made this one for you.

Let’s get cozy. Let’s get real. Let’s go back—so we can see how far we've come.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com

Hey my little sea cucumbers 💛

In today’s podcast episode, I ask a question I’ve been sitting with for a while:What do you find unforgivable?

Forgiveness has felt like a weird, tender topic lately. I grew up with it as a religious ideal — something I was taught should happen — but it never landed in my body in a real way. After leaving religion and going through my own dark night of nihilism, I’m finding myself circling back to some of those old ideas… but this time, from a deeper, more integrated place.

I share how my work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz is helping me soften my judgments — of others, and of myself.

Because often, the things we find unforgivable in others are just reflections of parts of ourselves we’ve exiled or cut off.

I also talk about a walk I took (aka a really judgy walk 😅) and a moment that surprised me:

“It’s safe not to judge.”

That line cracked something open. It made me wonder…Are we judging because we’re afraid?Are we refusing forgiveness because we’re afraid of what it would mean if we had done the thing?

There’s a lot here — it’s tender and imperfect and very much a conversation-in-progress. But I wanted to invite you into it with me.

🌀 So here’s the question again:What do you feel like you can’t forgive — and why?What might that reveal about how much love and acceptance you’re able to offer yourself?

I’d love to hear what this stirs up in you. You can reply here or leave a voice memo on Spotify if you’re listening there.

Thanks for sitting in the complexity with me.I love you. You’re everything.xo,Kimber

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com

In this episode:

Why I’m treating this podcast like a meditation practice

Letting go of perfectionism in favor of consistency

The pendulum swing between feminine and masculine energy

How cutting off my masculine side fed my burnout

A simple fire ritual for forgiving the wounded masculine and inviting in the divine masculine

What shifted when I stopped waiting for motivation and just started doing the damn thing

Meal planning without overthinking it to death

Mentioned:

Fire Ritual gifted by Kymber Phillips 💛

ADHD, burnout, and perfectionism struggles

Masculine vs. feminine energy and finding balance

New intention:Short, unpolished episodes. Every day. Just showing up.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com

[00:00:00] Hello, everybody. I felt like talking to you today. So here I am.

I've been having a really hard time getting back to this podcast. I miss it. And I want to come back. But there are so many things blocking me. So. I thought maybe that's what I should talk about. And we're going to get a little bit meta on the podcast [00:01:00] today and talk about the podcast itself. If you've been following me for a while. Thank you for still being here.

It's been a few years since we started this thing and there have been lots of ups and downs and lots of breaks. And if you're still here, you're my favorite.

I want to go back to the roots of why I started this thing in the first place. And then talk about why it's been so hard to keep going, because I think the things I'm facing. Are things we all face as creators as humans. As livers of life. I started this podcast for fun. It was a challenge. I don't think I would have done it without a little nudge from a Facebook group to start a podcast. I did it as a way to face my fears and just talk about the things I care about.

It was for me, it was for fun. I didn't really expect it to grow or be [00:02:00] anything then. Just for fun. Um, And. I want to listen to the way I started this podcast because I haven't listened to it in a while. And I think it's going to be a good reminder. So the audio quality is probably not going to be great because I'm just playing this from my phone. Um, I can't find the original recording, but hopefully you'll be able to understand this.

I was raised in a very perfectionistic religion by two perfectionistic parents.

And as a result of this, I've always taken the business of life. Very seriously. Probably definitely too seriously. The problem with perfectionism is that it doesn't let you be present in your all life or true to yourself. It's all about living up to the expectations of others. Perfectionism is an analyzer, a comparer. It doesn't let you sit within an experience because you're always observing it. So this podcast. Is about. [00:03:00] Letting go of that. Letting go of the perfectionism letting go of the hustle, the guilt, the never enoughness it's about showing up messy. It's about authenticity.

It's about finding magic in the present moment. As about connecting with those you love while also holding space for yourself. It's about living wholeheartedly. And loving yourself in your imperfection. So. It's a quote. My favorite cartoon teacher, Mrs. Frizzle, Ms. Frizzle, not sure which one it is.

I'm going to look it up. After I finished recording this. But she says, get ready to take chances. Make mistakes and get messy. It's time to be your bad self.

Yeah, well, It turns out that's exactly what I'm still struggling with. I, I need to let go of perfectionism still, because that's what has gotten in the way of this podcast. And I think that's probably the life lesson I'm going to keep returning to over and over again. I do, I am doing this podcast because I need to say the things that I need to [00:04:00] hear. And today, once again, I need to hear. It's okay to just be it's okay.

To be messy. It's okay. To make mistakes. Um, Okay. And I'm going to continue to be messy and make mistakes for the rest of my life. So having this expectation of. Perfectionism. It's not doing me. It's not doing me favors. Um, With this podcast. I started out messy as you heard. It was great. And as it started growing. I started to feel this pressure to show up a certain way. To get video recordings of myself, to manage an email list, to maintain a website, to monetize the podcast and the pressure of all of that.

Along with just the stuff that was happening in my regular life became really. Really overwhelming. And the podcast stopped feeling fun because the pressure, there was so much pressure to do it. The right way. I let it fall by the wayside [00:05:00] and, um, and I've really missed it. And part of the reason I'm recording this today is because yesterday, for I painted for the first time in probably over a year. I got up my watercolors and just painted whatever I felt like.

And I feel like painting for me is a portal into my creativity. I've never taken art classes. So my inner critic doesn't know what to say about my painting. It's just a fun thing that makes me happy and I don't expect myself to be good at it. I, I think I lost that joy when it came to this podcast. Um, it started with really low expectations from myself, but as it grew, my expectations. Got higher and the podcast became less fun.

Today. I want to return to the fun of it.

I want to return to the messiness. I want to give myself permission. To show up messy and [00:06:00] imperfect. And maybe this is going to be a boring podcast episode for some of you, but this, uh, I'm doing this for me. Perfection is the enemy of creativity. And this episode is about me dipping my feet back in the river. Getting muddy. Being messy.

Um, another thing. That got in the way of this podcast. And again, I hope you're applying this to your own creative pursuits because I noticed this in a few different areas of my life, especially when it comes to creativity. Um, that another thing that gets in the way is when I start worrying about how. It's going to be received when I start thinking too much about. My audience. I, as I gained listeners to this podcast, I felt pressured to say things for them. Um, to record things in a way. That they liked and. It's tricky because there there's [00:07:00] nothing. Wrong with doing things.

Other people like, I think the trick is.

That you have to do it. For yourself. Um, In a way that. It is still for you. Um, always doing everything hoping someone else will like it. And with, with other people's eyes in mind can really suck the fun and the joy out of creativity. Um, I love my audience, but I will burn out if I'm only doing this podcast. For you.

If I, if there's no reason I'm doing this for myself. And I, I need to return to doing this for me for fun. And a process, my stuff. If it helps others. Actually there's a quote. Um, Elizabeth Gilbert and big magic says you are not required to save the world with your creativity. Your art. Not only doesn't have to be [00:08:00] original.

It also doesn't have to be important. Make your work for your pleasure. If your work ends up helping others. That's great. That's how I feel like I need to go back to doing this for me. If it ends up helping others. That's great. Um,

And I think it's also important to remember that we create not just for the product of what we're creating. But for the process. My retreats, this podcast, my paintings. The whole, just be your bad self idea. These are not about creating perfect products or perfect lives. Uh, there are there about the process, the process of living the process of creating. My friend, Lindy Butler.

She's a recording artist and she's freaking awesome. Um, She, and I were talking recently about AI. Uh, it's an incredible tool. [00:09:00] But it's also scary. It can produce so much. It can produce music, essays, social media posts. Even podcast episodes in seconds. When I discovered it. Uh, about a year and a half ago, almost two years ago.

It.

It put me almost into an existential crisis. And left me wondering. What's the point of me creating if computers. I can do it faster and oftentimes better. I felt so. Irrelevant. And like, I was just putting more words out into a world that didn't need my voice and didn't need whatever I was making, because. AI could make stuff so much faster. Um,

And I think. I really do believe that this is true. That the creation process [00:10:00] is what's important. And I think as AI gets a bit bigger, it's really going to shine a spotlight on how important the process of creating. Is important to us as humans. That's what humanity is. That's what this podcast, my painting. And everything creative. Should focus on is the process over the product. Aye. I don't want to lose the making of things.

I'…

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Navigating Grief and Healing: Unveiling the Rest in Peace, Rise in Power Retreat

In this episode, Kimber reconnects with drama therapist Anna Beck, one of her favorite guests, to discuss their upcoming 'Rest in Peace, Rise in Power' retreat. They dive deep into the theme of grief, an often-avoided but ever-present emotion, especially relevant with their October retreat's spooky death theme. From exploring the different stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—to sharing personal stories and strategies for coping, this episode offers valuable insights for anyone experiencing grief. Anna and Kimber emphasize the importance of community and acceptance in the healing process, promising that the retreat will be a fun, creative, and deeply supportive environment for all participants.

The RIP (Rest in Peace/Rise in Power) Retreat will be held October 10-13, 2024, in Hildale, UT. For more details on how to attend, please reach out to Kimber on Instagram (@thatkimbergirl).

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

01:38 Exploring Grief and Its Importance

02:32 Navigating Daily Grief

08:44 Stages of Grief: Denial

09:21 Personal Experiences with Denial

17:04 Stages of Grief: Anger

25:34 Expressing and Managing Anger

28:49 Understanding Bargaining in Grief

30:45 The Role of Anxiety in Bargaining

33:37 Shame and Self-Punishment in Bargaining

36:14 Exploring Depression in Grief

42:27 The Journey Towards Acceptance

49:41 The Importance of Community in Grief

58:30 Retreat Details and Final Thoughts

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com

In this episode of the Just Be Your Bad Self podcast, Kimber Dutton explores the profound impact of religious upbringing on the often overlooked connection between spirituality and the physical body. Drawing inspiration from the book "Wild Mercy," Kimber delves into the historical tendency of religions to emphasize transcending the body, highlighting the significance of embracing the messy imperfections of life, as expressed in the quote "God lives among the pots and pans." Kimber candidly shares her own mystical experiences and evolving spiritual beliefs, asserting that God is intricately interwoven with both the tangible and intangible aspects of existence. The episode takes a personal turn as Kimber reflects on her journey of reconnecting with her body, addressing the challenges of overcoming societal conditioning and viewing her body as a friend rather than a burden. A surprise guest comes on to share her thoughts (Kimber’s 7 year old daughter : ), then the conversation concludes with Kimber sharing exciting news about her backyard studio and encouraging community input for potential in-person or online interactions. Tune in to the Just Be Your Bad Self podcast for more insightful conversations on embracing imperfection and leading an authentic life.

If you are interested in working with Kimber (Online, in-person, in a group, or 1-1), please fill out an interest form using this link: https://form.jotform.com/233345911073149

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com

In this episode of the "Just Be Your Bad Self" podcast, Kimber reflects on her transformative "year of no" and the profound impact of storytelling on her shifting reality. She shares insights from her journey of inner work, emphasizing the subjective nature of reality and the power of empathy for diverse perspectives. Kimber introduces her Substack platform as a new space for community engagement and invites listeners to join the conversation. The episode concludes with gratitude for the growing podcast community and a reminder that "you are enough, right now, in this moment."

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com

This is the voiceover of a Substack article I wrote on November 7 2023. The sound is weird for about the first 30 seconds and then it gets better, I promise.

If you'd like to see the pictures or hear the songs I refer to in this episode, go ahead and visit the substack post using the link! I'd love to hear from you--what spoke to you about this episode? Anything you'd like to hear in the future?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com

I'm back! In this episode, I share and incredible (and raw) session with my life coach Melanie Hill, where we talk about the Internal Family Systems Method and use it to make some life changing breakthroughs regarding my inner child and how to become more open hearted. 

Find Kimber on instagram @thatkimbergirl and Melanie on Instagram @melaniehillcoaching

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatkimbergirl.substack.com