A few years ago, I skipped a family funeral to attend a client pitch.

I was a third-year associate at a BigLaw firm. Someone said my background was “indispensable” to the meeting. No one blinked when I said I couldn’t go. I told myself it was the right thing—important, even.

But deep down, I knew it wasn’t.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about that version of me. And about a new friend who casually mentioned she was going to “phone it in” at work until it was time to make a big leap.

At first, I laughed. Then I realized: her “phoning it in” still looks like doing her job. Well.

In a world that teaches us to overachieve as proof we belong, simply meeting expectations can feel like rebellion.

My latest piece is about ambition, boundaries, and the esteem-shaped holes we try to fill with gold stars.

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