Most of the time, experts and not so expert advice givers Are quick to tell us what to do, what to think and what to feel about most anything and sometimes most everything. They like to call it being proactive. I must admit to occasionally giving into the temptation to join in with the experts and would be experts. There is something particularly satisfying about telling people what they should do, what they should think or how they should be.

I think that most successful people have mastered this proactive approach to life and living. I also suspect they have equally mastered judgment and discretion. They know when to pass, when to hold back, when to sit this one out. Let's see if we can figure out how this plays out.

What not to say?

Don't say the first thing that comes to mind, what spews out before you have thought about what you are going to say. Don't put your mouth in gear before your brain has had a chance to manage what comes out. …

What not to do?

Don't do anything quickly that you can't undo quickly, unless you believe that not doing it right now will lead to things getting worse immediately. Don't do something that might make things worse until you know what you will do if worse happens.

What not to feel?

Don't let what you feel drive what you do. Don't do anything just because you feel like doing it unless the potential outcomes only apply to you. Even then, first consider not doing it.

What not to write:

Don't write anything if you won't be okay with its being read by your best friend, your mother and your boss, and some day by your grandchild. Don't write it if you wouldn't be okay with its being published, remembering that publishing is forever.

What not to expect:

Don't expect that things will always turn out the way you expect them to turn out. Don't expect that anyone will be okay with your mistakes and poor judgment.

What not to be:

Don't be rude, abrasive or unpleasant. Don't be a jerk or the person others prefer not knowing, who they would rather not have attend their birthday party.

What not to forget:

Don't forget that people don't have to spend time with you, don't have to hang in there with you. Don't forget that you and only you are responsible for what you do, what you say and how you behave.

What not to remember:

Don't remember every little slight, every time someone was insensitive or inconsiderate. Don't remember the missteps and shortcomings of others unless you hold yourself to an even higher standard. If you do, don't expect to have any close friends.

What not to worry about:

Don't worry about things over which you have no control. Don't worry about the inevitable; just start making plans.

What not to bother with:

Don't bother with an excuse or try to come up with a convoluted justification when the fact is that you didn't plan well enough, didn't try hard enough or didn't follow up and follow through. Don't bother with an explanation when what you really need to do is apologize. If an explanation is wanted, it will be requested.

What not to touch:

Don't touch the hot stove, wet paint or the window your mother just polished. Don't touch the emotional pain points of people who are weaker or more vulnerable than you. You do recall that being an insensitive jerk should definitely be on your don't do list, don't you?

What not to wish for:

Don't wish for failure or troubled times for others. Don't wish things will get worse for someone else; but rather wish for better times for yourself and then get busy working on it.

What not to think:

Don't think people are stupid who disagree with you.