Today I learned that I have to keep my cool. I’ve always had difficulty with utilizing restrain and self control. As far as I could remember I always had trouble sitting still and focusing in class. Whatever was on my mind had to be expressed in someway. This made me the class clown a lot. This type of behavior also made me the object of contempt in the eyes of far more people than necessary. I realized that at a young age. I recognized that my behavior was making a good number of my peers and teachers angry at me. I shirked it off because I was so sold on the idea that you shouldn’t care what people think of you. I even became more obnoxious and less self aware as the years rolled on. But now that I’m taking my love life just as seriously as my aspirations to be a successful entrepreneur I understand now that I have to dead the part of me who flagerantly behaves poorly. I can’t sell myself on the idea that I shouldn’t care what people think of me. My opinions about myself come first and foremost but I have to see myself through the eyes of others. I have to keep my cool. Not only to get the best looking girls but to work effectively in a group and fully insert myself into society. People get put off when I show to much enthusiasm. The best looking girls might think “Why is this nigga so excited? He’s probably not use to dealing with very pretty girls. Well I don’t want anything to do with him.” That’s not an unreasonable train of thought. When I talk to other people and I see that they completely loss self control and are openly showing their excitement I get uncomfortable. I get nervous. I just want to get as far away from them as quick as possible because I don’t want to run the risk of any altercation because of misunderstandment. When I’m in an excited state I’m hyper-reactive and open to suggestion. I also lose my sense of self awareness. That’s why I want to do more things behind the scenes. I don’t want to be in front of the camera like I use. With somebody like me it’s just a matter of time before I make a fool of myself. So today I learned that I have to keep my cool. I have to use restrain. I have to keep my opinions, jokes, and silliness to myself when in public. And especially in the presence of girls that I want to be with. You say too many stupid things, act to silly, or become too much of a motor mouth people will start to deeply resent you. In their eyes they will see you as a symbol of poor self-control and in a way they will be right. Keeping my cool is going to increase my chances of bettering my love life and social life. I wouldn’t want my son to be a social outcast who doesn’t know how to properly conduct himself amoungst his peers. So why am I allowing that for myself? It’s not rocket science. All it takes is meditating consistently and being mindful of how I act in public. That’s all it takes so that’s what I’m going to do.