When we become defined by the experiences that overwhelmed us, we become defined as victims. And victims make the worst oppressors.

It is the victim that imposes obligations on one who had nothing to do with their past experiences. Victims need others to create space, be sensitive, tip toe around their triggers, reassure repeatedly, and so on without realising how onerous that becomes for those around them.

Worse still is the fact that when we’re in constant need of such assurance and validation, etc., we are unlikely to be offering the same in return for others. Worse than even this, our efforts at offering anything is then followed by harsh and brutal outbursts if we’re not received and appreciated the way we wish to be received and appreciated.

Reclaiming your agency in your life is the beginning of rising above the events that may have shaped your sense of self. Self-worth, self-respect, dignity and so much more is informed by what you think of yourself and not what anyone else thinks of you. If how you feel about yourself is dependent on how others treat you, you will never find peace, only struggle.

Kill the victim in your head and watch how beautifully spontaneous life can be.

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