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Know THIS To Survive
Knowing THIS can help you survive and thrive.
Mindset and asking better questions
Reframing results and not labeling as failure
Here is a rough transcript
Unedited like this podcast:
Speaker 1: (00:03)Hey, welcome to another episode of the recharge podcast. And Speaker 2: (00:06)we're here on this eve of the beginning of the school year. I'm Laura Schwindt. Speaker 1: (00:11)I'm Mitchel Schwindt. And we wanted to share some thoughts on transitioning into a new environment, particularly on the eve of our kiddos starting a new school in a place that's 2,500 miles away from where they grew up essentially. Speaker 2: (00:27)Yeah. And so we were kind of reflecting back on our school years and thinking that a lot of you can reflect back and, and remember those feelings that you had when you took a test that you didn't do so well on, or you had a project that you didn't get the best grade on and how that made you feel and what you did after that. Speaker 1: (00:50)Well, also how it was presented to you. I mean, unfortunately they're like anything in life, business and school. There's a whole host of talents out there from those that are cognizant and cautious of little feelings versus a hardcore, hard-charging boss that that doesn't really give a rip. And, uh, it sort of creates a narrative in most people's minds about how they interpret those events, Speaker 2: (01:14)right? And so we've been trying to consciously think about how to, um, facilitate this for our kiddos so that when they have these experiences in school and in life transitioning into life, when they have failures, when they have things that they don't do well, and how can this serve them so that they don't feel like a failure and that they don't want to try, they, they don't want to push themselves because they don't like that feeling of failure. And it Kinda comes down to am mindset. Speaker 1: (01:46)Well also language. I mean you use the word failure there and, and depending on how you were brought up in what environment, uh, you were raised in and your own mindset, whether it's fixed or growth, you might not interpret it as failure, but just a, a data point. Oh, a lesson, uh, just a small segment or a slice of the pie as opposed to a broader stroke of failure in itself. So it's somewhat how you talk to yourself, the language you use. And, and obviously that's colored by how other people talk to you as well, but it's very powerful to have a specific, uh, routine or inner dialogue that you can deploy during those situations. And it's a little challenging to, to cheat, to teach, um, teens or, or preteens, uh, and adults to often forget that language that, that runs, uh, subconsciously in our minds is a very powerful determinant of how we feel and how we behave and how we approach things. Speaker 2: (02:43)Right. I know that when I'm at particularly one of our children, when something didn't go well, would just go ultimately to the absolute negative. I'm a failure. I'll never be smart. I suck at this. The world hates me. Yeah. He would just go there. Oh, I said, who? Well, I've got to, he's so not specific, but um, and it really boils down to when they're in that mood, what questions can you ask them? Because really it helps if they can come to the answer, not you kind of priming them with the information, but asking the right questions so that in their mind they start coming up with the right answers or better answers. Speaker 1: (03:28)Oh, asking better questions, you know, in terms of, uh, removing the catastrophe from the question, you know, why do I suck? Well, I mean, obviously you're going to come up with answers that are pretty derogatory in self-defeating. So, you know, what could I have done better? Why didn't this work? What am I going to do next time? Uh, what would somebody they look up to? How would they have approached this or done that? Uh, what strategies could I use in the future? Or, uh, you know, learning from either personal examples or mentors. What have I done in the past and the situation that's worked well, or what did my older brother or sister do in this situation that I could try myself and try to change the language of the question they're asking themselves and changing the meaning of the situation as well. Speaker 2: (04:16)Right. And that's something that I, I've actually learned from a coach and it was a beautiful lesson was what questions are you asking yourself? And basically it comes down to what did go well because there is some things that do go well, what didn't go well and what are you going to do about it moving forward. I mean that's really what we want. We want that question answered. What are you going to do about it moving forward? Speaker 1: (04:43)Well and also what meaning did you attach to it? I mean, as we started out talking about the, the broad brush stoke strokes where, and you know, instead of interpreting something as a point in time and event, it's human tendency to label things globally. Like, uh, I, I'm bad at this so I'm a bad person or a, you know, I failed today, so I'm a failure in business or entrepreneurship or relationship or parenting or whatever situation it is. Speaker 2: (05:11)Right? Yeah. And so, um, that's another great question to ask them over and over and over again is what meaning are you giving this? And could there be another meeting and keep asking them what other meeting could it be? And then encouraging them to pick the best meaning. Really. And so, you know, you're giving this the meaning that you're a failure. You failed this test, you're an absolute failure. What other meaning could it be? And then maybe they pick out, you know, the fact that they spent the night watching youtube videos instead of studying. And so, um, you know, that could be then, well, I guess the meaning is that if you would have applied your time differently, that might not have happened. Speaker 1: (05:53)And the things are fluid and dynamic. I think it, you know, from a, uh, adolescent perspective, things tend to be all or none. And I'm guilty of the same thing myself, but reminding them that this is purely a, a point in time, you know, labeling it as an event that happened on Thursday, not September sox or the first semester. That seems to be the theme of the conversation is sucking. But, uh, reminding them w which is difficult when you know, as same as adults, when you're beat down and you've had a horrible day, it's hard to just snap out of there, which, you know, there's some, some tricks and some physiology things that can be done to change your state. You know, change your physiology, get out, move, exercise, ride, bike, play soccer, take your dog for a walk, change your focus, um, change your environment. Music is a powerful way that shifts that. Uh, I mean obviously everybody has their own favorite, but more than likely we could think of our three children and think about what in their world would allow them to do to get out of their, their funk relatively quickly. So, Speaker 2: (06:56)right. And then just giving them the space, but basically encouraging them to have that, that growth mindset and, and basically the meaning of that is that you, your intelligence or your skill can be developed in any field that you are not. Where you are right now is not set. You can develop and learn and become whatever you want to be. And that's, that's pretty powerful. If you can have that mindset and realize that actually your failures are stepping tone stones to success, right? Speaker 1: (07:27)Well, yeah, you bring up the points. It's basically a different way of saying grit. And I think most people that are watching this or listening to this can think back about somebody who was instrumental in their, their, their life, whether it was a mentor or a teacher or a coach. And I think that's why, you know, having a, you know, sports and talented coaches is so important in childhood development because they're not always going to listen to the lessons that we try to present. But having a coach that's going to instill with them that the perseverance and grit are key determinants of success and that can out pace by far talent, talent. So it's just a very, it's a, it's a complicated stew that you're trying to, to, to cook, to brew, so to speak. And uh, just I think just, you know, I don't want to say use the word hammering, but you know, reiterating and bringing this up in and using examples and things that can remind them and help ground them. But also give them and us the tools that help overcome, uh, in difficult situations. And, uh, events that didn't go as planned. They're not failures. They just didn't turn out as, as how you wanted them. So it's, it's a result. You didn't produce a failure, you produced a result. That's all it is. It's not a failure. It's just a result. Speaker 2: (08:38)Right. And maybe next time your result is a little more favor favorable to you. This is true. And so on the eve of the beginning of school, I hope this was helpful and that, um, you can use this maybe in your life too. I mean, we can all use a little bit of this, right? Yeah, Speaker 1: (08:54)absolutely. Oh, and I forgot to Speaker 3: (08:56)thank our sponsor, HoundHOIST.com.(08:57) Come check them out? Their concept is bringing everybody to the table. I oftentimes forget to mention our sponsors, but yes, I got it done. Thank you HOUNDHOIST.COM.(09:07)Awesome. All right, everyone. Have a great night. Fantastic. Have a great week.
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By Mitchel Schwindt, M.D. | author | online courses | coaching | consulting
5
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Knowing THIS can help you survive and thrive.
Mindset and asking better questions
Reframing results and not labeling as failure
Here is a rough transcript
Unedited like this podcast:
Speaker 1: (00:03)Hey, welcome to another episode of the recharge podcast. And Speaker 2: (00:06)we're here on this eve of the beginning of the school year. I'm Laura Schwindt. Speaker 1: (00:11)I'm Mitchel Schwindt. And we wanted to share some thoughts on transitioning into a new environment, particularly on the eve of our kiddos starting a new school in a place that's 2,500 miles away from where they grew up essentially. Speaker 2: (00:27)Yeah. And so we were kind of reflecting back on our school years and thinking that a lot of you can reflect back and, and remember those feelings that you had when you took a test that you didn't do so well on, or you had a project that you didn't get the best grade on and how that made you feel and what you did after that. Speaker 1: (00:50)Well, also how it was presented to you. I mean, unfortunately they're like anything in life, business and school. There's a whole host of talents out there from those that are cognizant and cautious of little feelings versus a hardcore, hard-charging boss that that doesn't really give a rip. And, uh, it sort of creates a narrative in most people's minds about how they interpret those events, Speaker 2: (01:14)right? And so we've been trying to consciously think about how to, um, facilitate this for our kiddos so that when they have these experiences in school and in life transitioning into life, when they have failures, when they have things that they don't do well, and how can this serve them so that they don't feel like a failure and that they don't want to try, they, they don't want to push themselves because they don't like that feeling of failure. And it Kinda comes down to am mindset. Speaker 1: (01:46)Well also language. I mean you use the word failure there and, and depending on how you were brought up in what environment, uh, you were raised in and your own mindset, whether it's fixed or growth, you might not interpret it as failure, but just a, a data point. Oh, a lesson, uh, just a small segment or a slice of the pie as opposed to a broader stroke of failure in itself. So it's somewhat how you talk to yourself, the language you use. And, and obviously that's colored by how other people talk to you as well, but it's very powerful to have a specific, uh, routine or inner dialogue that you can deploy during those situations. And it's a little challenging to, to cheat, to teach, um, teens or, or preteens, uh, and adults to often forget that language that, that runs, uh, subconsciously in our minds is a very powerful determinant of how we feel and how we behave and how we approach things. Speaker 2: (02:43)Right. I know that when I'm at particularly one of our children, when something didn't go well, would just go ultimately to the absolute negative. I'm a failure. I'll never be smart. I suck at this. The world hates me. Yeah. He would just go there. Oh, I said, who? Well, I've got to, he's so not specific, but um, and it really boils down to when they're in that mood, what questions can you ask them? Because really it helps if they can come to the answer, not you kind of priming them with the information, but asking the right questions so that in their mind they start coming up with the right answers or better answers. Speaker 1: (03:28)Oh, asking better questions, you know, in terms of, uh, removing the catastrophe from the question, you know, why do I suck? Well, I mean, obviously you're going to come up with answers that are pretty derogatory in self-defeating. So, you know, what could I have done better? Why didn't this work? What am I going to do next time? Uh, what would somebody they look up to? How would they have approached this or done that? Uh, what strategies could I use in the future? Or, uh, you know, learning from either personal examples or mentors. What have I done in the past and the situation that's worked well, or what did my older brother or sister do in this situation that I could try myself and try to change the language of the question they're asking themselves and changing the meaning of the situation as well. Speaker 2: (04:16)Right. And that's something that I, I've actually learned from a coach and it was a beautiful lesson was what questions are you asking yourself? And basically it comes down to what did go well because there is some things that do go well, what didn't go well and what are you going to do about it moving forward. I mean that's really what we want. We want that question answered. What are you going to do about it moving forward? Speaker 1: (04:43)Well and also what meaning did you attach to it? I mean, as we started out talking about the, the broad brush stoke strokes where, and you know, instead of interpreting something as a point in time and event, it's human tendency to label things globally. Like, uh, I, I'm bad at this so I'm a bad person or a, you know, I failed today, so I'm a failure in business or entrepreneurship or relationship or parenting or whatever situation it is. Speaker 2: (05:11)Right? Yeah. And so, um, that's another great question to ask them over and over and over again is what meaning are you giving this? And could there be another meeting and keep asking them what other meeting could it be? And then encouraging them to pick the best meaning. Really. And so, you know, you're giving this the meaning that you're a failure. You failed this test, you're an absolute failure. What other meaning could it be? And then maybe they pick out, you know, the fact that they spent the night watching youtube videos instead of studying. And so, um, you know, that could be then, well, I guess the meaning is that if you would have applied your time differently, that might not have happened. Speaker 1: (05:53)And the things are fluid and dynamic. I think it, you know, from a, uh, adolescent perspective, things tend to be all or none. And I'm guilty of the same thing myself, but reminding them that this is purely a, a point in time, you know, labeling it as an event that happened on Thursday, not September sox or the first semester. That seems to be the theme of the conversation is sucking. But, uh, reminding them w which is difficult when you know, as same as adults, when you're beat down and you've had a horrible day, it's hard to just snap out of there, which, you know, there's some, some tricks and some physiology things that can be done to change your state. You know, change your physiology, get out, move, exercise, ride, bike, play soccer, take your dog for a walk, change your focus, um, change your environment. Music is a powerful way that shifts that. Uh, I mean obviously everybody has their own favorite, but more than likely we could think of our three children and think about what in their world would allow them to do to get out of their, their funk relatively quickly. So, Speaker 2: (06:56)right. And then just giving them the space, but basically encouraging them to have that, that growth mindset and, and basically the meaning of that is that you, your intelligence or your skill can be developed in any field that you are not. Where you are right now is not set. You can develop and learn and become whatever you want to be. And that's, that's pretty powerful. If you can have that mindset and realize that actually your failures are stepping tone stones to success, right? Speaker 1: (07:27)Well, yeah, you bring up the points. It's basically a different way of saying grit. And I think most people that are watching this or listening to this can think back about somebody who was instrumental in their, their, their life, whether it was a mentor or a teacher or a coach. And I think that's why, you know, having a, you know, sports and talented coaches is so important in childhood development because they're not always going to listen to the lessons that we try to present. But having a coach that's going to instill with them that the perseverance and grit are key determinants of success and that can out pace by far talent, talent. So it's just a very, it's a, it's a complicated stew that you're trying to, to, to cook, to brew, so to speak. And uh, just I think just, you know, I don't want to say use the word hammering, but you know, reiterating and bringing this up in and using examples and things that can remind them and help ground them. But also give them and us the tools that help overcome, uh, in difficult situations. And, uh, events that didn't go as planned. They're not failures. They just didn't turn out as, as how you wanted them. So it's, it's a result. You didn't produce a failure, you produced a result. That's all it is. It's not a failure. It's just a result. Speaker 2: (08:38)Right. And maybe next time your result is a little more favor favorable to you. This is true. And so on the eve of the beginning of school, I hope this was helpful and that, um, you can use this maybe in your life too. I mean, we can all use a little bit of this, right? Yeah, Speaker 1: (08:54)absolutely. Oh, and I forgot to Speaker 3: (08:56)thank our sponsor, HoundHOIST.com.(08:57) Come check them out? Their concept is bringing everybody to the table. I oftentimes forget to mention our sponsors, but yes, I got it done. Thank you HOUNDHOIST.COM.(09:07)Awesome. All right, everyone. Have a great night. Fantastic. Have a great week.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.