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"Good morning, my slack ass family. Good morning. And these are the jokes of this day. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball. What do you call a fake noodle? An imposter. Oh, my God. An imposter. How do you know if a vampire is unwell? Because he'll be coughing. Why did the bullet lose its job? Because it got fired. Okay, okay, okay. One more, one more."