You’ll need at least a master’s in not giving a shit

And two years of experience in being a dick

Your references are people who would all like you to die

You charge them a fortune, and yet you still wonder why

Land-lord for hire, start-ing today

Sit on your ass, while you get paid!

Don’t answer their phone calls and don’t you fix a thing

Team players of one: we’re hiring!

You don’t need to interview or pass a background check

You don’t a resume, that’s too much to expect

As long as you don’t care about your fellow man at all

You got the job! Please expect a call!

Does your heart pump ice instead of blood?

Is your face tattooed with a scowl?

Is your brain filled with brilliant ways

To fuck them more somehow?

Let them eat asbestos, let them shiver in the cold

That leak can drip forever, and let’s go grow that mold

Don’t let those peasants unionize, or you’re shit out of luck

When they learn how you’re screwing them you’ll be proper fucked

Land-lord for hire, start-ing today

Sit on your ass, while you get paid!

Don’t answer their phone calls and don’t you fix a thing

Team players of one: we’re hiring!