Learning to Want What We Have

Dharma talks by senior teachers, including Sensei John Pulleyn, Sensei Donna Kowal, and Roshi Bodhin Kjolhede. The Rochester Zen Center was founded in 1966 by Roshi Philip Kapleau, author of 20th century Zen classic, The Three Pillars of Zen.

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At the heart of clergy sexual misconduct is the breaking of sacred trust. This is one woman’s story of finding her way back to a nourishing spiritual practice and supportive community in the aftermath of filing a complaint of clergy sexual misconduct.  In this particular case, the misconduct was by a Unitarian Universalist minister, but it must be noted that clergy sexual misconduct happens in all faiths and denominations, including Zen.
References

* Sharon Salzberg. Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness.
* Galway Kinnell. “Saint Francis and the Sow” (the poem that begins “The bud stands for all things….”)
* Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler. The Art of Happiness.
* “Breaking the Silence, Trusting in Sangha,”  page 14 of Zen Bow: Taking Refuge in Sangha, (volume XXXIX · number 1 · 2017).
* Jennifer Freyd. “When sexual assault victims speak out, their institutions often betray them.”  , The Conversation, January 11, 2018.
* The Therigatha.(Verses of the Elder Nuns.) The best overview the author has found is a talk by Vipassanā teacher Gil Fronsdal on “Paṭācārā and Poetry of the Early Nuns.”

Author Notes
Due to time constraints, I wasn’t able to include the following (listed in the order in which they occurred in the talk):

* The Unitarian Universalist Association’s (UUA) requirement that a complaint could only be filed by a victim applied to adults. When a victim was a child, others could file a complaint on their behalf.  Also, the UUA’s policies have since changed.
* In 1998, I was not alone in giving testimony to the UUA’s panel.  The panel graciously flew in another woman who had filed both a complaint and a lawsuit (winning both). She gave testimony first and I expect it was both the nature and similarity of our testimonies that made the panel look so haggard by the end.  My profound gratitude to her and the Rev. Fred Muir, who chaired the panel.
* In 2014, again I wasn’t alone in giving testimony. My testimony was followed by testimony from a more recent complainant.  My profound gratitude goes to her too, as well as Jim Key and the Rev. Sarah Lammert, the UUA’s Director Ministries and Faith Development, who played a pivotal role in making this event and later changes possible.

Also, I didn’t have time to mention the UU leader who made the biggest positive difference in my life — the Rev. Gail Seavey, minister of First Unitarian Universalist Church of Nashville from 2005-2020.  In 2016 Gail was honored for her decades-long efforts in this area by being asked to deliver the prestigious Berry Street Essay: If Our Secrets Define Us. I cannot thank her enough for her many years of strong support and leadership.
And there are many other wonderful UU’s who helped along the way, but I’m at risk of forgetting or naming those wh...

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Learning to Want What We Have

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