The great spiritual paradox is shared by Jesus today: “Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life.” (John 12:25).This is not self-hatred. It means that you think so little of your life in comparison to how much you love God, you are willing to sacrifice your life. Which is how you save it.
The key to this is just like how a side “falls to the ground and dies” - it cracks open and gives way to life.  So also our hearts must crack open in vulnerability. There is great risk in this, but it is also the birthplace of love. 
So we sacrifice our self-preservation which resists this and we find love.