And you can find out more by booking your spot, from as little as £25, for Online Events’ Living and Working with Neurodivergence conference where I’ll be presenting on Cattitude: A Polyvagal Informed Approach to Self Care for ADHD and Trauma – selfcarecoaching.net has a link to book tickets)

I was able to own that part of myself that wants to do it all in one go. I can say, “Oh that’s so sweet! So delusional! Let’s not do that this time! Let’s be gentler!”

Struggling with the overdoing-overwhelm-collapse cycle?

In this episode, I (trauma-informed therapist, Self care, ADHDer, senior accredited supervisor etc, Eve Menezes Cunningham) share a lawn mowing lesson that changed how I approach tasks.

Learn how doing less can actually help you accomplish more. This, like all episodes, takes you through my unique holistic Feel. Love. Heal. framework to help you bring more gentleness and ease into your daily life while getting more done. More smoothly, easily and effectively.

Perfect for anyone who tends to go full speed ahead and then crash.

THE FEEL BETTER EVERY DAY PODCAST

Learn from the Self (for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself) and self-care practices the professionals depend on.

With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas through the lens of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework to help you:

• Feel: Regulate your nervous system, work with your energy and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love: Accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal: Collective care to turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large (and to coregulate and accept support from others)

Thanks for watching. New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode. Sole to Soul Circle members get an exclusive deeper dive (these include bonus interviews, EFT Tap Alongs, yoga poses, breath practices, journal prompts and more) each week.

If you’d like to leave a review and/or rate this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed, your subscribing, feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.

CHAPTERS

(0:02) Introduction: overdoing and overwhelm

(0:45) Using the Feel. Love. Heal. framework

(1:44) The lawn mowing lesson: less is more

(3:52) Applying gentleness beyond the lawn

(4:24) Feel: identify one area of overwhelm

(5:33) Love: self-compassion and acceptance

(6:20) The office move example

(9:17) Talking kindly to yourself

(10:33) Heal: co-regulation and collective care

(12:49) Closing reflections and invitation to connect

RESOURCES

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• All the free resources (for trauma, ADHD, menopause, solopreneurs, anxiety, sleep, confidence, resilience, finding purpose, meaning and joy and more) across my platforms and the library of self-care ideas and practices at

https://selfcarecoaching.net

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

• Find out more about my private practice for one to one work. If you’re based in Ireland or the UK, it’s worth completing the short form at https://selfcarecoaching.net/contact to book your free telephone consultation in the hope that we can find a mutually convenient time to work together (trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly therapies, Self care coaching, clinical supervision and supervisor’s supervision).

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say “Hi” and share your questions or comments:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham @rescuecattitude @thefeelbettereverydaypodcast Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

DISCLAIMER

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice. Thanks for watching. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you ever overdo things and then find yourself unable to do the simplest of things because it hasn’t worked out?

You’re listening to episode 79 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’m your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, trauma therapist and survivor, senior accredited supervisor, ADHDer and so on.

You can find out more and access lots of free resources and other information at selfcarecoaching.net.

Every Tuesday I share a new episode to help trauma survivors and ADHDers take better care of yourselves and create a life you don’t need to retreat from.

In today’s episode we’re using my Feel. Love. Heal. framework to explore the reality that can be especially hard for us to grasp in terms of less being more. It’s one of those things in terms of baby steps, turtle steps, taking things slower, not launching full speed ahead and then overwhelmed paralysis, all the rest of it.

A few weeks ago I had a visceral experience and I’m hoping that sharing it with you and some self-care ideas will inspire you to go easier on yourself, be gentler with yourself and get more effective in terms of what you’re choosing to do.

I was going to say get more done but it’s like NO, you deserve rest, you deserve peace, you deserve ease. As a byproduct of that you will get more done because there’ll be less chaos.

A few weeks ago I was mowing my lawn. As a bit of a disclaimer, I’m nearly 50 but I’ve only had a lawn to mow the last few years because I lived in tiny little studio flats for so long. It’s been a steep learning curve. I’m still trying to rewild sections, I am rewilding sections but it’s all been a big learning curve. My partner finally convinced me to get a petrol lawnmower rather than the manual lawnmower that I had been using barefoot to get grounding while I mowed.

Obviously can’t do that with a petrol lawnmower because it would be too dangerous but that little manual mower it would take me hours to do this small little front lawn and the petrol lawnmower is much more effective. He saw how I was doing it when it was a bit overgrown because the weather (blah blah blah lots of reasons, not been keeping on top of it and the west coast of Ireland is phenomenal and there’s a lot of rain and that makes it really lush and also it grows really quickly. You can’t mow wet grass, it takes much longer so it had got quite long again even though I was doing my best to keep on top of it so another metaphor for feeling overwhelmed and chaotic).

When he saw what I was doing, he suggested that I do half lines so rather than like side by side redoing half of the line and then the next line redoing half of the line. I had to obviously bite back some of my pathological demand avoidance (PDA) but I tried it because I have been experimenting more and more with gentleness with taking it easy.

And it was like, “Huh! It really does work!”

I didn’t have to stop as often and it was a joy. So it has been something having had that visceral experience that I’ve been applying to other areas of my life in terms of less being more.

Taking the gentler approach feels like it’s going to take much longer but ultimately, actually is not only easier but takes less time than the old overdoing it, collapse, overdoing it, overwhelm, overdoing it, paralysis… I hope this episode will help you.

For the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework, I want you to identify something in your life where you tend to go full speed ahead and end up in chaos. End up feeling overwhelmed. End up feeling miserable and ineffective and like you can’t do anything.

And if you’re anything like I used to be, you might be thinking, “ALL areas of my life!”

List all of them. List everything that comes up. And then pick one. You can do this for the others. It won’t take long but start with one. I still find that hard to do myself because I want to do All The Things at once. But identify one problem one area in your life and know that the others that you’ve listed are there safely for you to return to when you have found some peace and ease and gentleness around this first area.

For the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework it’s more… so the Feel part is the self-care the lowercase s, something you’re doing to regulate. You’re taking action. In this case, emptying your brain. Making it visible externally.

For the Love part, it’s more of that uppercase S Self care. The beyond the person. The Love archetype (in psychosynthesis). It’s about finding affection for that part of yourself that does these things instead of, “Oh why have I done that? Why have I overdone it again? Why am I at the point of collapse again? Why am I…?”

For example, a couple weeks ago, I had the idea to switch offices. I moved from the smallest room in the house to what is actually the main bedroom (I use a different bedroom because I like being able to look up at the mountain).

And I am now indulging in this gorgeous space that I can’t believe is my office. It means it’s much nicer for my in-person clients and supervisees as well but I just moved the webcam around to give you a bit of a view if you’re listening and wondering why that went a bit wonky.

I had the idea on the Monday lunchtime when I was doing a yoga nidra and by the Wednesday evening I had completely moved into this room. It looked and felt amazing and by the Tuesday morning I had it so that I could do my online work. Right behind me it looked great. The rest of the room was in chaos and the rest of the house was in chaos.

The rest of the house is taking shape but this has come from years and years of learning to work (and also the ADHD medication is helping). This time, rather than, “Why do I do this?” when the rest of the house was in complete chaos, I was able to say, “Oops, I did it again. And I’m NOT going to stay up. I’m not going to work through the night. I’m not going to ignore all my deadlines and everything else in order to tidy. Instead, I’m going to take it bit by bit!”

And it’s been a lovely, lovely gentle way. It’s not completely there in terms of the rest of the house but I now have everything far more accessible. And the little room (now named the Everything Emporium) has my clothes horses, my snorkel gear, my suitcase and one of the cat litter trays, all the like big like bulky cat food and coats.

It’s more of a utility room. I’ve got my Christmas and Halloween decorations, all the DIY stuff… it’s been headachy but far less headachy than at any other time in my life. Because I was able to own that part of myself that wants to do it all in one go. I can say, “Oh that’s so sweet! So delusional! Let’s not do that this time! Let’s be gentler!”

I want you to think of that part of yourself with fondness with compassion like you might with a toddler or a small child. Someone like just in a bit over their heads. And just dial it back. Send lots of love. Send lots of compassion to yourself. Remind yourself it’s safe to go slowly. It’s safe to take it easy.

It might not have been when you were younger but it is now. You’re in safety. And it’s constantly reaffirming that to yourself. And even if it feels silly, recognising that your extra sensitive nervous system needs that support, needs that reminder.

You can hold your hand on your heart, one hand on top of the other. And say, “It’s OK [whatever your name is]. I’m safe. It’s safe to go slower. It’s safe to take it easier. It’s safe to be gentle with myself. I’m not lazy. I will get it done.”

Whatever you need to hear. Honour your nervous system and honour Younger Yous who were potentially told that you should be able to do things more easily while not being accommodated in ways that would have helped you actually do things more easily.

Sending so much love to those traumatised younger parts. And let yourself heal.

Moving to the Heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework: The co-regulation, the collective care. It might be about accessing more support. It might be talking to a therapist or a coach. It might be body doubling. It might be joining a group. (In the Sole to Soul Circle tomorrow, you’ll be getting, members will be getting a unique yoga nidra to help with ease and gentle progress, making things more effective, things easier with smaller steps. Helping to programme the unconscious mind to make it easier to not overdo things off the yoga mat (or like if you’re using your sofa or your bed as your yoga nidra nest). Helping to harness the power of the unconscious mind around that temptation to do all the things and overdo it. And instead beginning to create that sense of safety within your nervous system, to create that sense of safety within your home, within your life, within your work, within your relationships. Knowing that you deserve that sense of peace and ease and gentleness.)

I would love to hear how you’re getting on. What problem you’ve identified. How you’re addressing yourself with affection and acceptance of exactly where you are rather than trying to change anything or beating yourself up. And what you might do to heal. Maybe there is someone you can body double with or you’re going to seek out therapy or coaching. It might be maybe you want to join the Sole to Soul Circle (you can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net).

Thinking, again, let yourself be open to solutions that may not exist but just asking yourself, if you were to be able to join or create a community that would really, really help you with whatever it is… list all the things that that community would have. It may be that it already exists. It may be that it partially exists and you can already begin to benefit from some of those supports.

Let me know how you get on in the comments or email [email protected]

Thank you very much for listening or watching. I’d love it if you’re happy to share with someone you think might benefit from this episode.

And like, comment, review and so on.

And just be gentle with yourself. Notice how taking things that bit easier, thinking of your equivalent of doing half a line again in terms of mowing the lawn. Whatever it might be. It might feel like it’s slower. It might feel like it’s frustrating when you think about it but experiment with it. And let me know how you get on. Let me know also what you’d like more of in the future.

And I look forward to sharing more next week. Have a delightful week.

le grá (with love),

Eve