This episode features GiGi Evans, peaceful warrior, channel for the divine, fierce mama bear. 

@gi_ven_gi

www.gigievans.com

“I am that bitch. That bitch is me. It took time and a lot of hard work for me to say that. As minute as it might sound, that’s huge. For as long as I could remember I thought that having a loving husband, adorable kid, kick ass job, and the car and houses to match was what made me, well... me. I had the quintessential #goals life. Yet I still felt like I wasn’t enough. I felt alone and unloved even though I was constantly surrounded by what looked like love.

I had it all, yet my despair grew deeper, and that is when I knew that it was time for major changes to ensue. As I explored ways to find my way out of my darkness, I asked myself one essential question, “Who loves me?”. I wrote a list and to my surprise, I was nowhere on that list. I realized I was showing up to be that bitch for everyone else but I wasn’t showing up and loving myself. I wanted to be everything for everyone because I thought that was how you received love. Conditionally. You give all of your love and to receive love. That was unacceptable. Love is unconditional and it starts from within. I was constantly preaching self love and had zero practice in the subtle art of self love myself.

So I made the hard choice that I had been long avoiding. I chose myself. I decided that my life’s purpose was simply to love me fully. The devotion began with raw, unfiltered honesty. It started with me shedding a life that no longer served me. That meant most of the things that I thought defined who I was had to go. That included jobs, relationships, habits, and old patterns. If it didn’t feel like a fit anymore it was out the door. I said goodbye to perfectionism and pleasing people, and hello to putting my needs first. Loving myself and filling my own cup. It became more important for me to live a life that looked authentic to how I felt.

Fast forward to present day, I am not the woman that I thought that I was three years ago, one year ago, or even a month ago. I am forever evolving and changing. My ability to love myself unconditionally empowers me to do the same for others. I have held space for my own healing. I continue to love all of the parts of me, even the parts that are hardest to love. I allow myself to grow every day. The process can be a gritty one, but I assure you it is well worth it. It all started with the decision to choose myself. The choice that has to be made day in and day out if I want to heal.

I am all things and I am nothing at the same time. This shit is beautiful; my story is beautiful. Everyday I show up and do my best, knowing that it will look different each time, and that’s okay because that’s all that God has asked me to do.” - GiGi Evans