I have always walked with faith in Jesus, but many things have happened over the years where I felt lost. The first who ever knew about the abuse I went through, who was Matt Hearn. He passed away January 29th, 2021, six days after my twenty-two birthday. Gateway Community Church was a church I loved for ten years. Gateway Community Church in Bloomingdale, Ga will always be part of my life. Then several other people based away that went to Gateway Community Church, where you don’t feel like you belong it’s become unknown. Going to Compassion Church in Savannah, Ga, now online. There is grief you still carry, not against the church but the grief of not finding those individuals in someone else. Someone close to me passed away April 6th. April 24th my close neighbor passed away, then April 28th, my grandmother passed away. August 23rd, my grandfather passed away. When you go through so much grief you become a different person. I love the Lord and know there is reason of why everything happens the way it does, but grief is still heavy. Lights, camera, smile are the old photos of individuals who passed on, but your smile has faded away through the years. No one knows how miserable the last couple years have been, how sad the last several years has been. Disappearing, and not speaking for weeks on end was your way of healing and putting yourself first. You eventually found your way back to God, God has always gotten you out of darkness, especially during the times when it was too scary to break the chains. Being mentally, verbally, physically and sexually abused by someone you weren’t related to, but should have known better, but the blame was put on you. For the one causing the abuse to escape his consequences of his actions. The darkness was heavy, the guilt was heavy, but God got me through all of it. I still have bruises that remind of what I went through. It took awhile to trust any men, but eventually I got through it and I met my husband and eventually got married. My husband went through something similar with his abuser. It’s something you don’t forget, Only being able to see colors out of my left eye and words and colors out of my right eye, I only have one that does two jobs. Eventually through the darkness you will find the light and that smile will eventually come back. Nothing last forever, but you won’t forget either.