Listen better to get more love.

On Valentine’s Day we all are talking about LOVE.

In order to feel more loved by others, you must begin by making them feel loved by you. And becoming a better listener is one of the most powerful ways to do that.

Many of us think we’re pretty good listeners, but really, we’re mostly just waiting for our turn to speak. So learned people recommend adopting a “listening to learn” mind set. Basically, shift your focus from responding to understanding.

We all know that feeling, when someone is so curious about you, like they just can’t wait for you to share your story. Their eyes are shining. They’re leaning in.”

That kind of genuine, focused listening is rare, and quite powerful.

When someone feels deeply seen, valued, and understood by you, they become more willing, motivated, and even eager to do the same for you.

But becoming a better listener takes practice. Some simple best practices: Don’t interrupt, and don’t offer advice unless the person you’re talking to asks for it.

And ask follow-up questions like “Tell me more”. Focus on one relationship at a time. It might be someone you’re already close with, like a partner or a parent or it could be a colleague you’d like to get to know better.

Romantic relationships aren’t the only place to get that feeling of being loved, nor is feeling loved confined to just a few close relationships.

Giving and receiving love function together like a seesaw: You lift a person up with the weight of your curiosity and attentiveness — and they do the same in turn so it can really become a two-way street.

But, know when to throw in the towel.

If the other person gives you zilch in return those are signs this isn’t the right relationship to invest a lot of effort and energy in

There are questions like: Does this person seem to “get” me on some level, or at least show an interest in doing so?

When I’ve shared struggles or imperfections, have they been curious and listened enthusiastically?

Feeling loved is not out of your control. Practice all of this on Valentine’s Day.

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