When I was ten, I had very specific ideas about my future — and spoiler alert: none of them included being a 40-year-old single mom with a podcast called Flirt. Fail. Repeat.

In this first installment of Little Me, Big Drama, I dust off my childhood diary to revisit my list of “Future Plans” — a masterpiece of ambition, delusion, and glitter gel pen dreams. From my plans to become an environmental activist to the first woman presidents, it’s a chaotic peek into my younger brain… and a reminder that adulting didn’t exactly go to plan.

Because before I was flirty and failing spectacularly — I was just a kid with a diary and a lot of unrealistic goals.