前段时间我换掉了自11岁用微信以来一直在使用的头像，这件事说大不大，但对我来说却具有某些意义。我在过去五年里数次想要换头像，但总因为抑或时机、抑或图片的不完美之处，让这个决定一直搁置到今年。我似乎总在决定做一件事之前赋予它太多形式上的意义，比如换头像要有特殊的时机、精妙的寓意——对仪式感的追求便限制了行动力。这次的换头像其实发生在一个并不完美的时机，但我决定不再给自己设定这些并无价值的条条框框。我决定更果断些，也决定让对所谓仪式感的追求发生在每个平常之日，而不只是因由某件事情而产生的特定时刻。
新头像是Greta Gerwig在她的电影Frances Ha中的剧照，也是我最喜欢的电影之一。它总让我想起英剧Fleabag（伦敦生活）。年轻的女人们在搞砸的生活中、幽默且真实地与日常交手，她们与世界格格不入，虽然难免陷入尴尬境地，但都没让现实磨平各自的性格特质。这是我喜欢的样子。
虽然最火热的夏天才刚开始，但我总遗憾于随着夏至日过去，天光就要开始逐渐缩短了。去年春天也有过差不多的心境。我做了些微小的努力去吸收更多日光，努力让自己保持对生活的期待，保持心情，保存精力。夏天是我最喜欢的季节，尽管最近的生活让我对能预见的未来没有任何期待，那我或许可以期待一些未知的、惊喜的。让前所未有降临吧。就这样吧，夏天幸福。
A few months ago, I finally changed the profile picture I'd been using on WeChat since I was 11. It's really a small thing, but it's quite significant to me in a way. Over the past five years, I'd thought about changing it countless times, but the decision had been put off for reasons like the timing not feeling "right" or the image not being "perfect". I've had this habit of assigning too much symbolic weight to simple decisions; always looking for the most special moment and meaning this action can ever carry. In the end, my pursuit of ceremony became the very thing that trapped me from acting.
This time, changing the profile photo, however, happened at an imperfect moment. I decided to stop waiting for the "right" conditions, to be a little more decisive, and to stop reserving celebration for milestones only. Maybe the point is to bring that sense of intention into ordinary days instead.
My new profile picture is a still of Greta Gerwig in Frances Ha, one of my all-time favorite films. Somehow, it reminds me of the British series Fleabag. These are stories of young women stumbling through messy lives with humor and raw authenticity. They don't quite fit into the world, and they end up in awkward situations more often than they'd like, yet they never let reality sand away the parts that make them themselves. That's the kind of person I hope to remain.
The heat of summer has only just begun, but I already find myself mourning the fact that, after the summer solstice, daylight will only start to shrink from here. I felt something similar last spring. I've been making small efforts to soak up a little more sunlight, to keep up my anticipation for life, to keep up my mood, and to save whatever energy I can.
Summer is my favorite season. Even though life lately has left me with zero expectation in the foreseeable future, maybe I can look forward to the unexpected—to surprises I cannot yet imagine. Let the unprecedented happen. Have a sweet summer.
【时间线/Timeline】
00:40 我用了11年的赫敏头像与想成为女巫的童年
03:36 被追求”完美仪式感“困住行动的五年
08:30 从《弗兰西斯哈》到《伦敦生活》，搞砸生活的女人们如何与世界交手
16:04 总在天气大好时情绪低落，但还会有更多好日子呀！
23:52 歌曲推荐《Open This Wall》
00:40 My Hermione profile picture for 11 years, and my childhood dream of becoming a witch
03:36 Five years of being held back by the pursuit of “perfect sense of ceremony”
08:30 From Frances Ha to Fleabag: how women who mess up their lives wrestle with the world
16:04 Always feeling sad when the weather is beautiful — but there will be more nice days ahead!
23:52 Music recommendation: Open This Wall
【本期提及书&影视】
Harry Potter (and the Sorcerer's Stone)book by J.K. Rowling, movie by Chris Columbus 🧙♀️
Frances Ha (2012) - Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach
Mistress America (2015) - Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach
Lady Bird (2017) - Greta Gerwig
Barbie (2023) - Greta Gerwig
Fleabag (2016) - Phoebe Waller-Bridge
【Music Credits】
Opening: joycelyn's dance - berlioz
Ending: Open This Wall - berlioz
【Cover Credits】
Frances Ha (2012)
【关于我/About Me】
派派（she/her)，最近心情：找工作找得日渐抑郁，但参观朋友们的漂亮家而畅想了许多美好未来。近期愿望是收到礼物（虽然最近不是任何节日）。
Pai Pai (she/her). Recent mood: Getting depressed from job hunting, but having beautiful daydreams about the kind of life I would build someday after visiting friends' beautiful apartments. Recent wish: To receive a present, for no reason.
【提到的Open this Wall歌词】
「我存在，而我本就美好
我知道，有一种至高的力量
赋予我成为一切的可能
只要我允许它发生
...
不是违逆生命本来的方向
不是一味撞向眼前的高墙
...
而是说，
“请为我打开这堵墙吧” 」
