While no one would argue with considering others, it could be worthwhile to re-examine our beliefs around being selfish. For example, do we genuinely aspire to be without concern for ourselves? Or is it important to value and love ourselves, think for ourselves, have a life of our own, and be able to love others without losing ourselves? 

In this episode, I share four self-discovery tools to help you self-assess priorities, analyze past relationships, thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors to live emotionally fit.

This episode of Living Emotionally Fit is brought to you by The Stress & Anger Management Institute providing individual coaching and group classes for personal growth and professional advancement.

An Authority and leadership program designed to help you accomplish your personal best and lead others to extraordinary results.

The Impact and Cost of Bullying

Lower Productivity -

How it costs the victim. When bullied at work, it's difficult to stay on-task and do one's best work. Bullied individuals likely feel distracted, disheartened, and disempowered. The stress of the situation also may be having physical effects, such as difficulty sleeping, fatigue, digestive problems, headaches, or muscle pain.

For many of us, our work performance closely connects to our self-esteem. We want recognition of our work. If instead, we are ridiculed or bullied, our self-esteem and confidence decline.

Company Costs -

When employees are not working to their full potential because of bullying, they're not helping the organization achieve its goals, and may even undermine the goals they are paid to accomplish. When employees don't perform, there's no return on that investment.

How bullying costs the company -

When teams of employees aren't working well together because of unhealthy relationships and bullying, it may mean that:

• More employees will quit or call in sick.

• Innovation and creativity will be down because people don't feel safe enough to take risks or make suggestions.

• Work will be done inefficiently because team members aren't communicating clearly.

• Employees will take out their frustration and anger on customers.

• The company will have to pay litigation fees and damages to the victim of bullying.

Damaged Relationships -

In a worker's search for sympathy and support, they may turn to gossip or complaining, instead of more productive solutions. Furthermore, that can affect credibility, making it harder for the individual to find resolution or gain any support. Without realizing it, they could also be perpetuating a toxic workplace environment that will undoubtedly breed more bullying.

How to Spot Workplace Bullying -

Bullying is not always easy to spot; there may be a gradual build-up of subtle intimidation or undermining behaviors. Here are some examples to contemplate. Is someone at work continually:

• Criticized or berated in front of the team? Always made to be the scapegoat and inappropriately blamed for disappointing results?

• Assigned tasks in which they are set up to fail, such as things that aren't in their skill set or nearly impossible to complete in the time allotted?

• Threatened with physical violence or unwarranted pay cuts, firing, or disciplinary action?

• Purposefully isolated from the team, being left out of the loop, and not invited to meetings or events?

What to Do If You're Experiencing Workplace Bullying

Acknowledge the situation and take care of yourself -

Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie, authors of The Bully at Work, urge you to be honest about what's happening; don't minimize it. Also, consider taking some time away from work so that you can explore your options, and restore your physical and emotional health. Find an impartial source of support that doesn't have a connection with your company.

Confront your employer -

When you feel strong enough, confront your employer about what's been going on. Nothing will change if you don't. Dr. Namies recommends that when you're approaching your superiors, focus on the costs of the bully to the company. If you focus on the emotional impact on you, you're more likely to be discredited. Present the facts: what was said or done, and the effect on the company's bottom line.

Plan your exit strategy -

Continued at The SAMI Group Blog

#thesamigroup #careerdevelopment #personalgrowth

Being emotionally fit means we’re able to adapt gracefully in the face of stressful circumstances.

Improving emotional fitness has become an increasingly important topic. Traditionally, change was a short burst of disruption followed by a longer period of stable operations. Today, there are no longer any rest periods; change is continuous and enormous. The pace of change and unexpected challenges has become the new normal.

Change can affect how we view our personal and professional relationships which is why having a simple emotional fitness routine is important.

So, join me to find out how a simple emotional fitness exercise can help you thrive, and it only takes 1 minute a day!

#emotionalintelligence #angermanagement #thesamigroup #anutzabellissimo #angermanagementclasses #bethechange

Every time Grace, a loving single parent, took time for herself, she returned home with an awful sinking feeling. She didn’t understand why. “I had so much fun, and I'm proud of myself for making time for myself,” Grace thought to herself. Rather than expand from the joyous experience, or receive the delight and enthusiasm of her self-care, she contracted.

Grace’s contraction comes from the experience of shame, a poison that keeps us from experiencing our own joy and disconnects us from the aliveness within and around us. Whereas guilt is associated with a particular memory or situation and having done something wrong, the feeling of shame is about being wrong at our core. It is a debilitating feeling we have about ourselves that comes from a core belief that we are fundamentally flawed.

Sources of Shame

The Antidote

March is National Autoimmune Disease Awareness Month,  and according to the American Autoimmune Related Diseases Association,  50 million Americans have an autoimmune disease. Studies confirm that inflammation is a common denominator among autoimmune diseases and that stress causes inflammation. Negative stressors include work overload,  relationship conflicts, no peer support, illness, and poverty. Trauma heightens the body's stress response. Dr. Vincent Felliti, a trauma expert, confirms that traumatic childhood experiences can contribute to disease. 

If you’d like help, continue reading at https://www.thesamigroup.com/blog 

#singleparent #angermanagement #thesamigroup

Conscious Leadership

With our constant stream of text messages, emails, meetings, conference calls, and so on, it is a minor miracle that any of us can accomplish anything. With our smartphones surgically implanted into our hands, our time is sliced so thinly that we never have room for error, focused time to develop big-picture perspectives, or the time needed for an action plan, let alone the time to execute it.

 “Ineffective daily routines, superficial behaviors, poorly prioritized or unfocused tasks leech leadership’ capacities—making unproductive busyness perhaps the most critical behavioral problem” in our lifestyles today.

For so many of us—whether CEOs for major corporations, small business owners, or solo-entrepreneurs—there is a fundamental disconnection between knowing what needs to be done and actively taking responsibility for it.  Calling this disconnection the “knowing-doing gap,” Stanford  University researchers Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert Sutton pose the question: “Why does knowledge of what needs to be done frequently fail  to result in action or behavior consistent with that knowledge?” Is there anyone who hasn’t wondered the same thing? The answer is both simple and profound. We can sum it up with the term “willpower.” The problem is not that we self-manage poorly or that our time is divided ineffectively, but that our consciousness or “will” is divided as well;  according to the theory of mind model, our “will” aka conscious mind only controls twelve percent of our behavior whereas our subconscious mind controls about eighty-eight percent of our behavior.

Getting things done requires two critical components: energy and focus.  Sadly, both are at risk in our modern lifestyles. Building a bias for action in yourself and your career requires developing and reinforcing the skills to become a “purposeful” vs. “volitional” individual. These are people who can consistently achieve their objectives by making an unconditional commitment to their self-regulation goals and sub-conscious strategies — leveraging the power of that intention to overcome the obstacles in their way, whether their personal doubts or the bureaucracies within their organizations.

 “Purposeful action-taking depends on engaging the power of the subconscious mind,” according to John Assaraf of NeuroGym. “Not only does your sub-conscious mind galvanize your mental and emotional energy -- it also enables you to make your intention happen against the most powerful odds:  distractions, temptations to move in a different direction, self-doubt,  and negativity. Sub-conscious brainpower is the force that strengthens  your energy and sharpens your focus throughout the action-taking  process.”

Here are four steps that form the basis of successfully taking action:

Challenge your beliefs

Continued at https://www.thesamigroup.com/blog/conscious-leadership

Exploring the Strengths of Seeking Help

Long before there were hypnotherapists, there were family members. Aunt  Helen listened or gave us advice, or sometimes  Granny Annie just told  us to toughen up and move on. If our family couldn’t help, there were  friends or a clergy member. However, most of us were likely warned not  to broadcast our troubles, and this led to people feeling they had to  suffer through their problems silently.

Times change, and so has society’s acceptance of seeking help. The old  stigma of being seen as weak or incapable is primarily gone, helped by  many well-known writers, actors and politicians being open about their  struggles with, and treatments for, everything from depression to  chronic shoplifting. Going to a hypnotherapist is now seen as a positive  step in most people’s lives.

Hypnotherapy  is a unique collaboration and what makes it valuable sets it apart from  family associations, friendships, working partnerships, and even love  relationships.

According to WebMD,  hypnotherapy can be used to treat anxiety, phobias, substance abuse  including tobacco, sexual dysfunction, undesirable spontaneous  behaviors, and bad habits. It can be used to help improve sleep,  learning disorders, communication, and relationship issues.

Hypnotherapy serves as a balance in which two people are collaborating  on a single project, helping the client deal with their problems and  achieve the change they want. There is no other agenda.

It’s the  simplicity of that agenda, combined with a structured schedule,  confidentiality, and trust, that make this unique relationship work so  well for so many people. Rather than proof that someone is “sick,” it is  a sign of good health to commit to change.

Some people still believe a hypnotherapist will make them do things they  don't want to do; this belief couldn't be any further from the truth.  You get to choose your outcome. You choose what to say. You decide when  to say it. Nowadays, there is an incredible number of ways to explore  problems. In addition to hypnotherapy, there is Therapeutic Imagery,  NLP, Neurofeedback, Biofeedback—even laughter therapy—to name just a  few. For every kind of problem and every type of person, there is a  therapeutic healing modality that fits. 

The strength of  hypnotherapy is that there are no strings attached. So let's look at  some further benefits of the therapeutic relationship:

2. Learning. Hypnotherapy can be seen as a profoundly educational  experience, in which a hypnotherapist acts like a coach or a teacher to  help the client understand their world—inner and outer—in new and  positive ways.

We all have felt overwhelmed at least once in our lives. Grief, loss,  anger, financial hardship, relationship problems, stress—all of these  are a normal part of life to some degree. So is seeking help when coping  is just too hard. It’s also normal to be a little afraid of what  friends and family might say about seeing a hypnotherapist. However, in  the end, it’s your life, and you know best how to make it a richer,  happier and more fulfilling one—with a little help. 

How do people turn what we say they want into what they actually get? 

Many articles, books, and workshops advise us to conduct one's self "as if." Behave as if you already have your dream job. Act as if you're successful—function from confidence.

If we support the theory behind our actions, it means that we behave in alignment with the intentions we desire, and we're more likely to achieve it.

Problems will arise when we don't want the life we think we want. For example, we may say that we want to find a loving partner, be at our ideal weight, or start our own business, but if we don't want the added responsibilities of behaving "as if," your effort will be a pointless exercise.

So what's the solution? 

Here are some ways I suggest you begin.

First, I recommend you begin slowly. When we decide to make a significant change in our lives, we often try to do too many things at once and find ourselves overwhelmed or discouraged. Your focus on one thing that'll get you closer to the "you" you'd like to become. 

Next, you'll need to face your resistance. Change is challenging for most of us. Give yourself a chance by being willing to address any underlying beliefs that might be getting in your way. 

Don'tyou'll just set goals, reflect on them several times throughout your day. Make a list of your life as you'd like it to be – a written representation is often a potent and tangible reminder of what a customized, ideal life looks like.

Start practicing it. Once you can see yourself living your desired lifestyle and living as that person, start making the choices that person would make. Decisions can either reinforce old beliefs or new ones. 

Make friends with people who are doing what you want to do. Role models are a great way to discover what works and avoid what doesn't. Ask better questions. Observe these individuals. Change. Grow. 

Self-care. Ask yourself, "How does the ideal version of myself express self-love to themselves ?" Then respond accordingly.

Modify your environment to align with your new reality. There's no better deterrent to change than a stagnant situation that encourages inactive behavior. So instead, contribute to a change in scenery. It can be the accelerator for a positive attitude and behavior change. 

Addictive habits die hard. It's convenient to become stuck with (or comforted by) old lifelong habits. When unproductive routines get in the way of change, the best way to shed them is to replace them with something new. 

Grow into it. Make choices in your professional and personal life as though you already have the growth you're dreaming of. That does not mean getting into debt, spending "as if "you have the million dollars you'd like to have. Instead, I suggest you begin by replacing a scarcity philosophy with one of abundance and well-being. 

Behaving "as if" does not mean change occurs overnight. Every day, we're all faced with choices that will continue to promote the life we have or propel us into the life we want. By choosing to step into some of the steps above, you'll be ready to make a decision that can help you realize your dreams sooner rather than later. 

What many of us don't realize is that the shadow can be a beneficial aspect of ourselves that holds the key to transformation—a loyal friend bearing the gifts of depth, integrity, vitality, and wholeness—if we choose to meet it and love it. 

Awareness of patterns is always the first step towards the treasure box that lies within your subconscious behavior. But the elusive nature of our mysterious character can make it tricky to discover the content of one's shadow. So here are some helpful detective tools: Examine your  exaggerated negative feelings about others.

Listen to this episode to discover some helpful detective tools and uncover the gifts of your subconscious.

LIVING EMOTIONALLY FIT podcast is brought to you by the Stress & Anger Management Institute.

"What will you do with your precious life?"

Suppose I stopped you in the middle of your day to ask you this question posed by psychologist and poet Mary Oliver. What a beautiful opportunity to respond that you would spend your life exactly as you spent your day.

Your  answer could be anything: doing work you love, caring for and giving  love to your family, contributing to your community or the world,  creating art, building a business, climbing mountains, making music. The  key is that how you lived today is how you would choose to live  tomorrow and the next day and the rest of your future.

For some,  the life they live day to day is not the life they would describe if  they were asked Mary Oliver's question. Instead, they might use phrases  such as: "As soon as I can quit…" or "I'd like to lose…" or  "I used to  dream about…" while explaining a daily life tangled up in too many  demands and never enough time or energy to achieve the experiences that  matter most to us.

According to Jinny Ditzler,  author of Your Best Year Yet, what drives most of us is the ambition to  improve the quality of our lives while being true to ourselves and  what's truly important to us. She writes, "Although we may not be  conscious of our most basic motivations as we live day to day, these  hidden drives are the strongest in our lives. The more conscious we are  of them, the more we can empower ourselves to make the necessary changes  in our lives."

Beliefs and Values are personal mental faiths and  standards; the qualities that are most important to us. A life based on  values rather than reacting to others' needs and wants or the  acquisition of material things enables us to live in integrity with  ourselves. This is how to create a rich and fulfilling life.

Identifying  your values can be as simple as asking yourself how you want to be  remembered by others. Would you like to be recognized as a person who  cared about others, who made a difference in the world, who kept  promises, who was self-actualized, honest, trustworthy? Think of the  qualities you most admire in others; these may be the values you claim for yourself.

Once you become aware of your values, you can begin  to restructure your life. With your values as your touchstone, you can  create and live the life you genuinely want, achieve your goals and  realize your dreams.

Within the boundaries of your values:

1. Gain clarity on what you really want. Be specific; vague and undefined goals are difficult if not impossible to achieve.

2. Commit to perseverance and recognize your opportunity costs.  Saying  "yes" to one thing means saying "no" to another. Acknowledge and accept  what you must give up to get what you want.

3. Acknowledge your  goals every day. Spark up your day by reminding yourself what your  priorities are. Be mindful of the choices you are making as you go  through your day. Remember that you are making choices at every moment.