Living With Less Podcast

Living With Less - Interview with Heather Nicol - 3 Part Series Wrap Up

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Episode 15 is an interview with a Christian based counselor in Columbus, OH. Heather Nicol joins the show to wrap up the 3 part series on Emotional and Physical Compulsiveness. She answers questions on ways we can better handle our emotions and how to invite God into the moments we feel tempted to give into things to fill the void in our hearts on Christ can fill.

A little about Heather - She has a Master’s degree in Clinical Social Work and an undergrad in Social Work and has been working the mental health field since 1996. She started her own practice in 2006, took a few years off to run a non-profit agency in Columbus, and then went back to private practice in 2012. She's been married for 21 years to a fabulously patient and Godly man, and has been blessed with two children, a senior and junior in HS. We attend Grace Polaris Church. In her spare time she loves teaching yoga, working out, playing with her dogs, or reading a good book.

If someone finds themselves letting their emotions control them what are a few things they can do in the moment to try and help take a step back?

  • Often our large emotional responses are due to other stressors we may be feeling at the time. Think of rating stress on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being no stress and 10 being that “Total Freak Out.” If we are constantly at a level 5 or 6 stress level then it will take very little to send us to a level 7 or 8 response to something that really should only be a level 3 or 4 response. So our first step needs to be a commitment to lowering our feelings of stress on a daily basis. Making sure we take care of our bodies, minds, and souls should be a priority. Getting into the habit of starting every day with a quiet time with the Lord, exercising, eating right are all ways to start our days with less stress so our emotional responses will be lessened.

    • What is the best way to propose a discussion with someone when it’s a topic you’re really passionate about?

    • Begin with seeing if your proposal is a harsh set up vs. a soft set up. Start with a question asking your spouse if he/she is open to a conversation. “Hun, do you have a few minutes to speak with me about something?” “May I share something with you that’s been on my heart?” If it’s going to be an “ouchy” conversation, suggest you and your spouse simply pray together first. Ask God to put the words in your mouth He wants you to say. This way the conversation will be guided by the Lord rather than by our own selfish desires.

      • When it comes to relationships what’s your best Biblical advice to fighting fair?

      • Beware of Pride! Pride causes us to be focused on our own agendas. Do you know that there are at least 63 references to “pride” in the Bible? God knew we were going to need lots of reminders on how to deal with the sin of pride! Proverbs 13:10 tells us “Pride breeds quarrels.” Proverbs 16:18 reads “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” If each spouse/person would simply try to “Hear” the other and be willing to put his/her own agenda and his/her own pride aside most couples/friends/families would automatically argue less. So rather than trying to be heard or trying to persuade your spouse/friend/family to your side, simply try to listen and truly hear whatever your they are trying to say. It doesn’t mean you have to agree and yes, sometimes we need to compromise. Respectfully listening will go a long way.

        • What is the most used way to fill voids and what are some good ways to stop these habits.

        • When we are trying to change a habit often we need to start with changing a simple behavior leading up to that habit. For example, I once had a client tell me he was drinking a 12 pack of beer each night. Upon further questioning I discovered he stopped at a gas station each night on the way home from work to buy his beer. I asked him to simply drive past the gas station and go directly home. He stopped consuming the beer! Sometimes it can be that simple.
        • However, sometimes we need to dig deeply to figure out what void the negative habit might be filling. For example, sometimes negative habits are started from feeling lonely or sad. It’s important to identify the negative feelings and then figure out what we can do about them in a positive manner. The best way to do this is to ask God to reveal to us what we may not be willing to see - which is a very hard thing to do. Most of us don’t want our sin nature to be revealed because we then feel convicted. But you know what - God already knows what our sin nature is! So trying to pretend it’s not there is only hurting ourselves.

          • When giving into the compulsive behaviors, what do you see as counselor that people lose most of when they do this?

          • When we give in to our compulsive behaviors and temptations wether it’s over eating, over spending, etc these things become idols in our lives and keep us from having a fulfilling relationship with the Lord. That, in turn will impact how we view ourselves, our family, our friends, and how we impact others around us. In the book of Genesis The Lord commands us to be fruitful and increase in number so we can grow His Kingdom. Matthew 28 speaks of the Great Commission telling us “to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.” Temptations and idols will limit our abilities to do this. Not to mention we are going to feel pretty crummy about ourselves as we will feel separated from the Lord.

            • If someone were to ask you what they first thing they needed to live with less of in regards to becoming who Christ has called them to be, what would it be and why?

            -It depends upon the person. We are all different and subject to different temptations. For example, if I said you need to live with less shoes - well some of us may only have 3 or 4 pair of shoes while some of us have 300 or 400! Instead of seeking an earthly answer I would ask God to reveal what His answer would be as it’s going to be different for each of us.

            What's your favorite bible verse and why?

            • 2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” I really like that verse because I’m athletic and competitive and I can relate to it in that way. But I also feel like life is a marathon made up of smaller races. We have the race of being children. Then the race of young adulthood. Then the race of being a newlywed and young parents. Then the race of being empty nesters. And each race often feels like a battle that requires a whole lot of faith. I can look back on certain aspects of my life and say “Yep, Lord, we got through that one!”

              • If you loved today's episode please share it on your social media tagging @livingwithlesspodcast. I'd LOVE if you left a review on iTunes! Thanks for joining me today.

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              Living With Less PodcastBy Chelsey DeMatteis
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