Eight tips for maintaining or reclaiming your identity in a relationship. 🕵🏼‍♀️ 1)spend time by yourself. Don't set conditions around your partner to provide the company and entertainment. Get comfortable with your own company and enjoy being alone it is a healthy mindset and attitude not to be dependent and reliant on anybody outside of yourself.

2 Set boundaries It is most important in the early days to set boundaries so that both parties have a sense of freedom and have a sense of connection in equal proportions.

3)You don't need to change for anyone.  When you fall in love and make a decision to be with the person you've chosen remember they chose you because you are you. Life changes we all grow, and we certainly modify our behaviour in order to co-habituate, but real love is excepting people for who they are without wanting to change them. Make sure you like the personality of your partner because it's the one thing that's most likely not going to change.

4)Maintain friendships and family connections.  Don't alienate yourself by putting all your energy and effort into your partner and isolate yourself from external relationships.

5)Don't always put your partner's needs before your own.  There is a difference between being selfish and looking after your own needs in equal proportions. Relationships are negotiation of fair exchange and not endless compromise. Compromising for your partner leaves you feeling the scores are imbalanced. When you are compromising in order to make others happy you are creating a false fantasy, they will pay back to the same degree which will turn to resentment.

6)Keep growing, learning and maintaining your hobbies.  Take on new interests continue your own personal expansion which will build yourself worth. Whether it be by studying, learning a new skill, reading etc. Relationships are a team and a team is made up of players who all have unique differences and skills no matter what the hierarchy of the relationship nobody's needs are more important than the others.

7)Don't play the blame games or the victim card Take care of the most important relationship you'll ever have, the one with yourself! Don't blame your partner for your lack of satisfaction in life, it is your responsibility to maintain a healthy relationship within yourself there is no place for being a martyr within a relationship.

8)Understand the true essence of love. There is no person who will bring you more joy and happiness who also doesn't challenge and frustrate you. Infatuation and putting someone else on a pedestal will turn to resentment as the fantasy you place on unrealistic expectations of your partner can't be lived up to. Love is accepting both sides and seeing how everything has equal support and challenge.  By Louanne Ward louannewardmatchmaking.com.au