Have you ever met someone who’s life’s credos is … my way or the highway. Course you have. It’s not a lot of fun, is it? But seriously, how do you get on when you don’t get your own way?    

I remember a soccer game when I was in fifth grade. Mr Moore, he was my favourite teacher, took the whole class down to the park at the end of the street where we lived.

He broke the class into two teams, and we had a game of soccer. All good, until he made a call that the ball had gone out, that I absolutely new was wrong. Never mind that there were no lines marked on the field. He called it out and I called him out.

Hey Sir, that wasn’t out. He just blew his whistle and called it out. So I carried on, he called me over and said, “Look Berni, if you don’t like it, you can go and sit under that tree.”

Well, even at a young age, I was a man of principle and I did just that. I, in my immaturity, thought I was doing the right thing. Of course, it was stupid. I was living out the credos – it’s my way or the highway. And sadly, my life headed in that direction until my mid thirties.

Now, you don’t have to be Einstein to figure out that if each of the several billion people on planet earth lived their lives that way, there’d be an awful lot of chaos. Well, actually, there is an awful lot of chaos, have you noticed? At any one time around 45 to 50 wars are being fought. Yep, that many.

There’s conflict on the road. There’s conflict in the workplace. There’s conflict in the home. All because everyone wants to have their own way.

We’re in the middle of a series of messages at the moment that I’ve called simply, Love Is. It’s all about rediscovering exactly what love is, in this busy, chaotic world in which we live, by going back to the source of love, God Himself. So we’ve been poking around a bit in 1 Cor 13 – a familiar passage to many, since it’s almost always used in wedding ceremonies.

So, let’s have a bit of a listen to it so far:

1 Cor 13:1–5: If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way …

So the upshot of all that is that without love all the gifts and the abilities and the sacrifices and the successes in the word are completely meaningless. We all know good looking, successful, intelligent people … who are an absolute pain in the neck right?

No, instead, love is patient, love is kind, love isn’t envious, or boastful or arrogant or rude.

And, the thing we’re going to unpack a bit more today, love does not insist on its own way. Now the truth is, that in this world we don’t get to have our own way all the time. When we’re children, we’re subject to our parents, and our teachers. They’re job, in great part, is to teach us to be submissive to authority.

Now, you see, that’s not a particularly fashionable notion these days. And you speak to a lot of teachers these days, and they’ll tell you that their hands are bound, by and large, in disciplining children at school. Many parents have abdicated their role of teaching submission to authority … and so we’re turning out young adults, not all of them but a lot of them, who think they can all have their own way.

They get into the workplace, and they have a rude shock. God talks a lot about submission and obedience, not because He wants to put us under His thumb. No, actually, He let’s us choose which is pretty amazing isn’t it.

But He knows that submitting to authority is an important part of growing up and being mature. Have a listen to this little one for instance:

Ephesians 5:21: Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

That’s talking about mutual submission between a husband and wife. And again, it’s pretty obvious that for a marriage to work, there needs to be mutual submission. So, what exactly is that submission thing?

Well, to put it plainly, it’s giving up what you want, and letting the other person have their way. We do it out of respect for authority every day. It may well take my fancy to drive down the wrong side of the road today. But I don’t because it’s against the law and because if I did, it would cause absolute chaos. I don’t steal from the local supermarket for similar reasons. You see we do it every day without even thinking.

But then, all of a sudden, we run into a situation like my childhood soccer match, we run into a situation where we just want to dig our heals in. I’ve seen it at church council meetings where people have torn into each other like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve seen it in marriages and families. I’ve seen it in the workplace. Hey, I’ve seen it in the car park at my local supermarket. It’s my way or the highway.

Now … let’s just stop and think about that for a minute. What’s going on there? At first we might imagine that we have a right to stand on principle. And to be sure, there are times when that’s necessary. I answer to a Board here at Christianityworks. They’re a great bunch of Godly leaders with great wisdom. But every now and then, someone will come up with an idea that isn’t workable, and I have to push back.

To their credit, when that happens, 99 times out of 100 they’ll yield, they’ll submit to my experience. Just as I have to yield to their godly wisdom. See that’s mutual submission. And we do it out of love. We do it out of reverence for Christ. Mutual submission preserves and indeed strengthens and deepens relationships. Remember, this comes in a passage which sets out to define what love is. That’s why this series is called, “Love is.” And love does not insist on its own way.

If we’re operating out of love then we don’t approach the day, a situation, a relationship, with a “my way or the highway” attitude. Now, here at Christianityworks I’m the over all leader. And whilst I involve the team in decision making, at the end of the day, I have the final call.

Sometimes, many times in fact, other people have a better idea or a better approach to the one that I had. Under those circumstances I’d be a fool to insist on my way. Other times, I can see the bigger picture, and I make the call to go in this direction rather than that one.

Love operates out of wisdom. Love looks for mutual submission and when you have two people who work that way, say in a marriage, it’s going to be a fantastic marriage. If you have a team of people working that way in a ministry, or at work, it’s an exciting place to work.

Now, just a quick footnote, to letting the other person have their way. The key to submission, is to do it gladly, willingly, joyfully. “Alright then, have it your way!” is not what we’re talking about here. Passive aggressive behaviour, undermining a decision, resisting it at every turn is not what we’re talking about here.

If we’re operating out of love, we won’t insist on our own way. We will persuade, guide, yield and submit out of a good heart. And when that’s the way you live, man, people respect that. They delight in that. Because what they see there, is love.

Don’t forget about the free life application booklet that I’ve been telling you about. It’s called “Love Is” and each chapter contains teaching and some life application questions to help you to apply God’s Word to your life.

You can request your free copy right now, at christianityworks.com. You’ll see that free offer right there, in the middle of the home page – you can’t miss it. Just click on the offer, pop in your name and email, and it will be on its way to your inbox in a flash. It really is that easy.

And while you’re there, don’t forget to check out the audio lounge. A treasure trove of teaching resources, arranged by topics that will interest you. You’ll find the Audio Lounge in the Resources section of the site.

But back to that free life application booklet. It’s called Love Is ... and the web address, is christianityworks.com.

And if you’re able to stop by at christianityworks.com don’t forget that you can have instant access to the free Christianityworks daily eDevotional – you’ll see it right there on the homepage.

I’m Berni Dymet, it’s been great to spend this time with you today, and I’ll catch you again, same time tomorrow … with A Different Perspective.