Love in Full Color

Questions to ask before marriage, part one: values. We've been married ten years and we still don't agree on honesty.

(One of us believes honesty is the best policy, full stop. The other believes nobody needs to tell new parents their baby looks a little like an alien.)

Episode 2 of Love in Full Color kicks off The 12 Conversations. It's a new series where we walk you through the talks we had with each other before we got married, which are also the framework behind our premarital mentoring. We're starting with the values conversation, because so many of the arguments couples have can be traced back to one.

We take turns asking each other seven questions about values, as a queer, interracial couple who has been married for a decade. Borrow a couple of the questions and try them with your person.

We talk about: 

• The value that climbed to the top once Jill was in a serious, committed relationship, and how it rewrote what "ride or die" loyalty means 
• Why respect and inclusivity are our hot buttons, and the family history sitting under each one 
• What we carried out of the homes we grew up in, what we left behind, and why "I'm sorry" can feel so risky to say 
• The values we share almost entirely, and the one where we sit on opposite ends (honesty) 
• How two very different money stories met in the middle, with help from an $8 cupcake and a $5 tube of toothpaste

We close with the question Lori most wanted to ask: what do we hope people see about our values when they look at our marriage? There's a gas station story in there she'll never forget.

Press play together, pick one question, and talk it over at dinner this week. Next week, we get into the differences conversation.

Want to have all 12 conversations with someone guiding you through them? We Prepare You is our premarital mentoring experience: the full 12 Conversations framework plus four 60-minute online sessions with Lori. It's for couples who are engaged, almost engaged, or just building something they want to last. Learn more about premarital mentoring: https://www.jillori.com/work-with-us 

Planning a ceremony and want an officiant who understands your love story? We Marry You is our personalized wedding ceremony experience, from the first planning conversation to filing your marriage license. Learn more about officiating: https://www.jillori.com/work-with-us 

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#QuestionsToAskBeforeMarriage #InterracialCouple #LGBTQCouple #MarriageAdvice

Lori had nearly given up on Match.com. Jill had been on it for two weeks and still didn't know what a wink meant. In our first episode of Love in Full Color, we tell the story of how a glass of wine, a friend's game called Drink and Wink, and a search radius stretched to 60 miles led to a first date where we were the last two people left in a San Mateo wine bar.

You'll hear the Ellen comment that nearly ended things before they started, why Lori broke her own one-glass rule, the story Jill told that night that changed how Lori saw her, and the advice from a coworker that got Lori to say yes to date number two.

Then we talk about what it's meant to be a queer interracial couple for twelve years (ten of them married), including Lori coming out at 47 and deciding she was done hiding. We close with how officiating Lauren and Sage's wedding turned into Jillori and this podcast.

Love in Full Color is for couples who love across race, culture, faith and identity. Some episodes are just the two of us, and some are conversations with guest couples about the differences they bring into a relationship and the question we keep coming back to: how are we more alike than different?

It's our first episode, and Jill would like you to know she gets better at this.

Want to share your story on the show? Go to jillori.com, scroll to the bottom, and click Be a Guest.

Have a question for us to answer on a future episode? Email [email protected].

Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @jillori.love

Chapters

00:00 Welcome to Love in Full Color

00:59 Drink and Wink

05:04 Who's this winking at me?

08:55 First date at B Street & Vine

13:02 Jill's story

17:46 Ride it until the wheels fall off

19:35 Being a queer interracial couple

20:52 Coming out at 47

25:35 Lauren, Sage and how this podcast started

32:45 Be a guest on the show

#LoveInFullColor #InterracialCouple #QueerLove