What happens when we teach young boys to shut down their emotions, and how can that early conditioning follow them into their adult relationships, emotional lives, and well-being?
In this episode of Love, Laughs & Lessons, psychologist Dr. Frankie Bashan and certified relationship coach Denise Rai sit down with licensed psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst to explore the profound impact of gender conditioning, emotional suppression, and how adults can recover their full emotional range.
Dr. Gloria shares research that has shaped her work, including findings she says suggest infant boys begin life with a broader range of emotional expression than girls, only to have that range narrowed through early social conditioning. Together, they unpack why Dr. Gloria challenges the statistics around declining divorce rates and argues that relationship breakups tell a bigger story than divorce statistics alone, how text messaging may give young men another avenue for emotional expression, and how women may also be shaped by gender conditioning and what it can look like to stay present when a male partner begins expressing vulnerable emotions.
The conversation explores Dr. Gloria's concerns about the overmedication of young children with ADHD, the role of thoughtful parenting strategies and structure, and how her unique blank-page journal method helps adults tap into emotions that exist beyond language.
One of the most memorable moments comes when Dr. Gloria shares a story about her granddaughter's male preschool teacher allowing her to finger-paint beyond the page, sparking a lively conversation about gender, parenting, exploration, and how much of children's behavior is innate versus conditioned.
We Cover:
Dr. Gloria shares research that has shaped her work, including findings she says suggest infant boys begin life with a broader range of emotional expression than girls, only to have that range narrowed through early social conditioning.
The societal myth of "big boys don't cry" and how withholding emotional vocabulary forces men to substitute tender feelings with aggression, frustration, or silence.
Why Dr. Gloria challenges the statistics around declining divorce rates and argues that relationship breakups tell a bigger story than divorce statistics alone.
How text messaging may give young men another avenue for emotional expression.
How women may also be shaped by gender conditioning, and what it can look like to stay present when a male partner begins expressing vulnerable emotions.
Dr. Gloria's concerns about the overmedication of young children for ADHD, when medication may be appropriate, and parenting strategies that can provide children with greater structure, connection, and support.
How to use blank-page journaling and structured feeling lists to bypass intellectualization, unlock somaticized history, and expand your emotional vocabulary at any age.
Guest Bio: Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst is a licensed psychologist in Maryland and Washington, D.C., with over three decades of experience helping children, men, couples, and families navigate emotional suppression, gender conditioning, and relational disconnection. She has served as the Director of Child and Adolescent Services at the Chesapeake ADHD Center of Maryland, founded Vanderhorst & Associates, and held a tenured faculty position in developmental psychology at Towson University. Grounded in Internal Family Systems and Emotionally-Focused Therapy, Dr. Gloria is the co-editor of The World of Collaborative Practice and the author of the Read, Reflect, Respond journal series, dedicated to helping adults take a deeper, shame-free dive into their emotional lives.
Website: www.drvanderhorst.com
Journal Website: www.gloriasbooks.com
