When it comes to family—parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews—presumably you’re allowed to love them all. You can love as many friends as you’d like, no problem. The amount of people you can love is limitless, unless—of course—we’re talking about romantic partners.

Then, we’re only allowed one. (At a time, that is.)

I used to talk more about non-monogamy and polyamory. And while I suspect some people did not like that very much, for some others, I received many private messages expressing excitement for being a visible person saying it out loud.

So here I am, once again, saying how frustrating it can be sometimes. How alone it can feel. I know there are others like me, who feel like their heart allows room for more than one person to love romantically. But I think this is one thing that is much, much harder in Japan than it was in America.

I don’t think I was ready for that. It was already difficult.

It’s not all about finding partners, but rather finding people who understand. There’s a sense that everyone is different and everyone’s views are to be respected, but respect does not mean genuine understanding. Tolerance is certainly a step, but what I’m really after is acceptance.

It matters less to me that everyone agrees about the right way to have a relationship. There are many, many ways to have one. It’s more that it’s quickly dismissed because of what they think it is instead of what it really is.

To me, polyamory is about there being more than one way to love. It’s an acknowledgement that monogamy is just one way to love, not the only way.

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