“Your triggers aren’t the problem, they’re the invitation.

Love hands you a mirror not to wound you,

but to show you what’s ready to heal.”

Glenn S. Cohen

@CenterForNI

When you search for a partner, you're doing it on two levels. Consciously, you’re looking for someone kind, passionate, and aligned with your dreams. But underneath, your unconscious mind is scanning for a very different match, someone who mirrors the emotional traits of those who hurt you most in childhood. Sounds wild, right?

This hidden blueprint is what Imago theory calls the “image” you formed early in life. It’s the echo of a parent, caregiver, or sibling who neurologically wounded you, often without even knowing it. As a child, you encoded those experiences into your human supercomputer. Now, your mirror neurons are broadcasting those unresolved codes, attracting people who reflect your old patterns. Not to torture you but to give you a chance to heal.

You might wonder, “Why would I want someone who triggers me?” Because those triggers are the keys. They unlock the disempowered stories you’ve been carrying. When you notice and face them, you gain the power to choose differently. That’s the point, not to repeat your pain, but to reclaim your wholeness.

Your partner may not resemble your parent on the surface. But something in their tone, expression, or reaction stirs a deep, familiar pain. That’s your nervous system recognizing a pattern. And now, with awareness, you can work through it instead of running from it.

True intimacy starts when you stop idealizing the honeymoon and start embracing the healing work. Growth begins when you realize that conflict isn’t a sign something’s wrong, it’s a doorway to transformation. Your partner may push your buttons, but they’re also offering you a mirror. What you see there is yours to own and evolve.

Imagine your heart as a garden you planted in childhood. The soil was mixed with both love and pain. As you grow, certain partners step into your life like gardeners. Some unknowingly pull at the weeds that hurt. Others water what’s buried beneath the surface. It’s not always gentle but it’s always revealing. So, what’s one trigger in your relationship that might actually be showing you where you’re ready to grow?

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story. Visit my website centerforni.com to schedule an initial interview session. You can also tune into my bi-weekly podcast, Lessons of Life, Love, and Healing, on Apple or Spotify. Subscribe to my Substack blog for daily reflections and as a gift, enjoy my CNI – Spiritual Soulful Healing Playlist on Spotify.

With big hugs and lots of love,

God bless,

Glenn 🙏🌻

Get full access to Neurological Intelligence: Lessons in LIfe, Love and Healing at centerforni.substack.com/subscribe