The Fantasy vs. The Reality

I recently watched an episode of Catfished (here) where a bright, beautiful, and eclectic young woman believed she was dating country singer Morgan Wallen. She had given thousands of dollars to a scammer, convinced she was in a real relationship.

When asked why she thought this was true, her response was heartbreaking. Though not a direct quote, the message was basically: “Well, I always date ‘up.’ Aren’t I worthy of him?”

I’ve heard similar sentiments from women I’ve done Tarot readings for—women who are captivated by a celebrity or convinced they’re talking to someone famous. They pour their time, attention, and energy into these men, sometimes getting nothing in return. Or worse, they get manipulated and scammed.

And when I gently point out that they deserve better, their response is often: “But he’s successful, funny, and everyone loves him. Don’t I deserve that?”

The problem is, they’re not actually getting that. They’re loving the idea of a person, not the person himself.

The Illusion of Safety

Why do we do this? Why do smart, capable women fall into this trap?

Because at its core, this isn’t about the man—it’s about safety and security.

Falling for the idea of someone means we can script the perfect romance in our minds, free from disappointment. There’s no risk of rejection and no mundane reality to ruin the fantasy. We tell ourselves that this imaginary relationship proves we’re worthy, because in this story, we’ve “won” the affection of someone highly desirable.

But in doing this, we rob ourselves of something greater: real love.

True love isn’t found in a fantasy. It’s built in the messy, raw, imperfect beauty of real connection. It’s in you, and it’s in the man who actually calls, who remembers how you take your coffee, who shows up for you because he wants to, not because you had to convince him to.

Reclaiming Our Worth

So, how do we break this cycle?

We start by recognizing where our true worth comes from. It isn’t about who desires us, who chooses us, or what a man’s status is. Our worth isn’t determined by whether we’re good enough for him—it’s determined by how we value ourselves.

The best love stories aren’t about being “worthy” of someone who is high status.

They’re about being aligned with someone who respects, supports, and cherishes us in return.

Rituals for Embracing Real Love & Self-Worth

* The Mirror Ritual: Every morning, look in the mirror and say, “I am worthy of love that is real, kind, and present.” Speak it until you believe it.

* Candle of Clarity: Light a candle and write down what real love looks like to you. Burn the paper as a symbolic release of illusions.

* The Cord-Cutting Ritual: If you’ve been fixated on a fantasy relationship, visualize cutting the energetic cord between you and that illusion. Say aloud, “I release what is not meant for me. I open my heart to what is real.”

Journal Affirmation:

"I do not chase illusions. I am worthy of a love that is real, present, and reciprocal."

Tarot Reading: "What is the source of our worth?"

The Fool + Justice

The Fool reminds us that our worth is innate—we are valuable simply because we exist, not because of who desires us. We are meant to explore life freely, without defining ourselves by another person’s validation.

Justice brings the lesson of balance and truth. It asks us to strip away illusions and see things as they truly are. Our worth isn’t something to be proven—it’s something to be honored.

Together, these cards teach us that our value is not in another person’s perception of us. It is in how we live, love, and choose authenticity over illusion.

Journaling Prompts:

* Which qualities in myself make me feel lovable?

* How can I shift my focus from illusion to real, meaningful connection?

* What would it feel like to fully believe I am worthy of love, without needing external validation?

Final Thoughts

Love should never feel like a performance. You don’t need to prove you’re worthy of someone. The right person will already see your worth.

So, let’s stop chasing shadows. Let’s open ourselves to real love—the kind that shows up, stays, and cherishes you for exactly who you are. The best way to manifest someone into your life who will join you on this mission is by cherishing yourself this way now. Show up for yourself. Stay. Cherish yourself.

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day! 😅

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