For anyone under the age of 50, that phrase was made famous by The Three Stooges in their 1934 Academy Award-nominated short entitled “Men in Black.”

Louisiana’s football fans are starting to feel like they are under the care of those three lovable-but-inept doctors in the past two weeks.

We have covered LSU’s recent firing of the $54 million man, Brian Kelly.

Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry took to the media’s microphones last week to add his thoughts on the LSU coaching conundrum.  The Governor vocalized his displeasure about Coach Kelly’s generous exit provisions as part of an employment agreement made with LSU (under a previous governor’s administration, of course).

Indeed, LSU’s football coach will be walking out the door with a wheelbarrow full of Jed Clampett-sized cash.  

Whale doggies, indeed!

Last week also brought the firing of LSU’s Director of Athletics, Scott Woodward.  You might remember that Woodward was hailed as the person able to hire Coach Brian Kelly away from Notre Dame.  The new coach was rewarded for moving to Baton Rouge with that very lucrative 10-year contract worth nearly $100 million.

Coach Kelly’s contract buyout is going to cost $54 million.  Don’t forget that former AD Scott Woodward’s contract buyout adds another $6 million to the exit fee tab.

By the end of last week, Louisiana State University was operating with an interim President, an interim Athletics Director (Verge Ausberry), and an interim head football coach (running backs coach Frank Wilson).

Did someone say “operating”?  “Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard!”

On Tuesday, LSU announced the hiring of a new university president.

Former McNeese State University president Wade Rousse (pronounced “Roos”) was announced as the new CEO at a press conference.  Rousse was considered by many to be the favorite choice of Louisiana governor Jeff “I’m not Huey Long II” Landry.

Within hours, the internet rumor mill circulated that LSU’s brand new President was planning to quickly remove the “interim” title from the school’s current Director of Athletics, Verge Ausberry.

That made two solid moves by LSU in a matter of one week.

LSU’s coaching hire is going to be a lot trickier and will receive a lot more scrutiny

Dr. Rousse (whose PhD was earned in Economics) and LSU’s new AD Verge Ausberry must now collaborate to find and select a critical hire to direct LSU’s football program.  They will be closely watched by Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry and media pundits willing to pounce on any missteps by the new Dynamic Duo at LSU.

The Governor expects (a) a winner who will (b) do a better job at recruiting and (c) coach football better than Brian Kelly for (d) a lot less money and (e) for a shorter contract term.

The new football coach must fit this rather precise “needle-in-a-haystack” wish list by LSU.

I actually believe it is possible for LSU to find and sign such a person. 

The school’s new management tandem (trio – if you include the Governor) must do a lot of research and stick with their game plan.

It would be wise to stay away from the greedy agents who push the latest and greatest (translated: most expensive for the longest term) currently successful football coach.

Someone like – perhaps – Ole Miss coach Lane “Please beg me to come to LSU” Kiffin

I think Lane Kiffin has been a perfect fit at Ole Miss.

Those with 20/20 hindsight believe that LSU would have fared better had the Tigers hired Kiffin instead of a well-intended Midwesterner named Brian Kelly in 2022.

Pursuing Lane “Did you know I make $9 million per season?” Kiffin will cost LSU even more money than Brian Kelly’s $10 million per year.

Coach Kiffin (or any other college football coach not named Nick Saban) cannot guarantee any more wins than Brian Kelly was able to deliver annually to Bayou Bengal fans.  Kelly’s dour personality didn’t help him build a bond with the massive base of loyal LSU fans.

The next LSU coach needs to be much more like affable former LSU coach Ed Orgeron and more down-to-earth than the attorney-like Brian Kelly.  The success of LSU’s next coach will be defined by winning but also his ability to connect with athletes and fans in this football-crazy state.

The selection of Dr. Rousse (a Louisiana native who grew up in Golden Meadow) and Verge Ausberry (who hails from New Iberia and was a former linebacker on the LSU football team) seems like a good pairing as they try to jump-start LSU’s football rehabilitation process.

In soap opera style, these questions remain:

Can these two gentlemen find the right person to become the newest head coach of LSU – and keep the state’s meddling Governor happy?

Will they find someone who has a love for the state and can (figuratively) put a fence around Louisiana’s talented high school football prospects?

Can the newest football coach quickly return LSU into contention for the College Football Playoffs in the next year or two?

Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, in New Orleans (well, Metairie to be exact)…

The NFL’s New Orleans Saints were humiliated 34-10 on the road by the Los Angeles Rams Sunday afternoon.

This newest incarnation of the Aints (remember to decorate your paper bag to wear while watching the next game!) collected only ten first downs Sunday compared to 30 for the Rams.  Los Angeles ran 77 plays for 438 yards of offense compared to just 40 plays and a miserable 224 yards in total offense for New Orleans.

Time of possession?  Los Angeles had the ball for nearly 44 minutes to just 16 minutes for the Saints.

Sunday’s loss was a complete and utter disaster for New Orleans.

“Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard!!!”

The 1-8 Saints are tied for last place in the NFL with the terrible Tennessee Titans and are just ½ game worse than the woebegone 1-7 New York Jets.

Unlike the LSU Tigers, Louisiana’s flagship NFL franchise has yet to indicate that much needed changes are on the way at the top of the Saints organization.

Current Saints owner Gayle Benson (who seems well intended) has not made any moves to shake-up the management team of the New Orleans Saints. 

The 78-year old widow has been in charge of running the Saints since her husband (Tom Benson) passed away in 2018.

Tom Benson boogied as the Saints claimed their one and only Super Bowl trophy on February 7, 2010.

After Mr. Benson’s passing in 2018, quarterback Drew Brees retired following the 2020 season as the Saints finished 12-4.  Long-time Saints head coach Sean Payton retired (cough) the next season after posting a 9-8 record in 2021.

Following Coach Payton’s departure, the New Orleans Saints have lost ten or more games two times in the past three years.

This year’s squad is well on its way to matching the 3-13 mark of the 2005 “Hurricane Katrina” team.  That 2005 Saints team was forced to play home games at LSU and in San Antonio as a result of massive wind and flood damage to the Superdome and much of the Crescent City.

Meanwhile, Sean Payton decided to “unretire” in 2023.  He became coach of the AFC’s Denver Broncos.  His new team is currently 7-2 and in first place in the AFC West.

Saints fans are painfully aware of Denver’s ascension under the guidance of their former coach’s leadership.

There is a common denominator as to why Sean Payton left and the Saints stink today

General Manager Mickey Loomis has held that job in New Orleans since 2002.

The 68-year old Loomis deserves credit for the hiring of Coach Sean Payton and helping to make a deal to acquire quarterback Drew Brees in 2006.  The Saints rapid rise to the Super Bowl was a magical ride which fans still fondly remember.

The disintegration of the New Orleans Saints over the past four years is also owed to General Manager Mickey Loomis.  He has been in charge of drafting the players and signing (and often overpaying) free agents.

This year’s version of the New Orleans Saints is 1-8 for good reason.  They have very little top-level NFL talent in 2025.

Yesterday, the Saints dealt starting 27-year old wide receiver and kick return specialist Rashid Shaheed to the Seattle Seahawks.

Shaheed was an All-American at small college (FCS) Weber State and went undrafted by all 32 NFL teams. 

He signed a free agent contract with the Saints in 2022 (a good move!) and played for the NFL’s minimum salary.  His speed made him a valuable contributor to the Saints’ offense and special teams.

The Saints have traded Rashid Shaheed to a playoff contender in Seattle.  In return, New Orleans receives Seattle’s fourth and fifth round draft picks in the 2026 NFL draft.

Does anyone believe that the Saints will find a more productive player in the fourth and fifth rounds in the next draft than their now-departed starting wide receiver?

I certainly don’t have any confidence.  Not with the same group in charge of making draft selections for the New Orleans Saints.

Who can you trust making decisions for the New Orleans Saints?

The Saints’ first-year head coach Kellen Moore has been successful as an offensive coach in both Dallas and Philadelphia. 

Moore was a talented college quarterback at Boise State and played for a handful of seasons in the NFL as a back-up signal caller.

Kellen Moore was already on-board as the new head coach when the Saints passed on drafting Ole Miss quarterback Jaxson Dart with the tenth pick in the first round of this spring’s NFL draft.

The Saints filled a need and selected offensive lineman Kelvin Banks, Jr. from the University of Texas.  Banks is now in the starting line-up for New Orleans.

The New York Giants were more than happy to select Jaxson Dart with the 25th selection in the first round.

Dart has now taken over the starting quarterback position for the Giants over NFL veteran Russell Wilson.  He has connected for ten touchdowns and just three interceptions in the past eight games in New York.

Meanwhile, New Orleans waited until the draft’s second round to select relatively untested Louisville quarterback Tyler Shough (pronounced “Shuck”).

After being injured in the preseason, Shough finally received his first start in the NFL on Sunday in a game at the Los Angeles Rams.

He completed 15 of 24 passes for 176 yards with one touchdown and one interception in the Saints woeful 34-10 loss.

Tyler Shough may turn out to be a terrific NFL quarterback in a few years – assuming he isn’t injured frequently playing behind by the porous offensive line of the Saints.

Saints General Manager Mickey Loomis makes decisions with little oversight from team owner Gayle Benson.  Loomis has assembled such a weak roster that most NFL teams cannot find a Saints player worth making a trade to acquire.

Steady fourth-year wide receiver Chris Olave may (perhaps) be one of the few marketable commodities.

Star running back Alvin Kamara is now 30 years of age, but he has taken a beating in recent years during the Saints decline.  A $12.5 million annual paycheck through the 2026 season makes Kamara an unlikely trade option.

Even if the Saints were to acquire any number of future NFL draft picks, the same people who have cratered the WhoDatNation’s favorite football team will get to another opportunity to mess it up again in the future.

That’s what scares Saints fans all across the Gulf South region.

A brief letter to Saints owner Gayle Benson

Dear Mrs. Benson:

Please clean house in your Saints management suite soon or sell our beloved football team before you lose more value with this declining NFL franchise.  Your wonderful husband Tom would certainly agree that it is time to take decisive action.  We all love our Saints!

Sincerely,

SwampSwami

A loyal New Orleans Saints fan since Game #1 on September 17, 1967

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