We all know that our childhood survival mechanisms stick with us, like that old playlist you can’t let go of even though you’ve outgrown it. They kept us safe once, but these traits—people-pleasing, hero complex, needing to prove our worth—often work against us as adults, especially in relationships. I get it. I grew up in a household where my presence was tolerated but rarely welcomed, and to get any sense of love, I had to work for it. And so, I learned to be a people-pleaser and a “hero” in relationships. Maybe you’ve got a similar story, even if the details differ. Let’s talk about why these patterns don’t serve you now and how you can start breaking free.

The Bedroom Kid vs. the Living Room Kid

Ever heard of the term “living room kid”? It describes a child who feels safe hanging out openly at home. In contrast, I was a “bedroom kid.” As soon as my father came home, I’d retreat to my room, keeping out of sight. In a way, the dynamic taught me to hide, to anticipate moods, and to try to be who others needed rather than just… being.

Many of us bring these dynamics to our friendships and relationships, consciously or not. If you grew up always seeking approval, that inner kid is probably still calling the shots, eager to please, to help, to be indispensable. But that’s not connection; it’s attachment, and there’s a difference.

Attachment vs. Connection

Attachment is what happens when you feel like you need someone to be complete. It’s about control, about trying to keep things as they are because change feels like a threat. Connection, though, is the opposite. It’s when you’re both there because you want to be, and there’s no expectation to control or prove anything. Attachment says, “Don’t leave me.” Connection says, “I’m here, and you’re here, and that’s enough.”

For years, I mistook attachment for connection. I’d bend over backward in friendships and relationships, often losing myself in the process. If someone started to pull away, I’d double down on my efforts to show my worth, hoping they’d stick around. But looking back, it’s clear that what I had was attachment. And attachment breeds resentment—on both sides.

The Realization: Boundaries and Loss

Realizing this meant facing some hard truths. Setting boundaries with people who benefit from your lack of boundaries means you’ll lose some of them. That’s painful. But it also brings clarity. When I started showing up as my true self—without the need to please or save—many of those “friends” faded away. It hurt, but it was necessary.

If you’re scared to set boundaries because you might lose people, ask yourself: are they in your life because of who you are, or because of what you do for them? True connection will survive boundaries; attachment won’t.

How to Break the Cycle

So, how do you start letting go of these old patterns? Here’s what’s worked for me:

1. Identify Your Needs: When you’re feeling anxious or insecure in a relationship, ask yourself why. Are you hoping for reassurance? More communication? Figure out what you actually need.

2. Voice It: Try expressing your needs. For example, if you feel insecure because you haven’t heard from someone, say it: “I need a bit more communication because it helps me feel secure.” They might respond positively—or they might not. Either way, you’re honoring yourself.

3. Be Willing to Walk Away: Sometimes people won’t be able to meet your needs. That’s okay. The right connections won’t make you feel like you’re asking for too much. Be ready to let go of what doesn’t serve you.

4. Check Your Attachment: Ask yourself, is this person adding to my life, or am I holding onto them out of fear? Real connection feels freeing, not confining.

Moving Forward

The shift from attachment to connection is ongoing, and it isn’t always easy. We’re taught that losing people is a failure, but sometimes it’s just growth. When you show up authentically, the people who stick around are there for you, not for what you do for them. It’s a slow process, but it’s worth it. Real connection is out there, but you have to let go of old patterns to make room for it.

Okay, so here’s something most people don’t know about me: I was born in France. Yup, French family and everything, but because of my accent, people usually assume I’m North American. I mean, fair enough—it’s a little misleading. And honestly? I kind of love it. I like to pretend I’m a spy. It adds a little fun to the mix, you know?

I speak French and English fluently. I’ve got conversational Spanish down, and I can read and sort of understand Italian. Languages have always fascinated me—how they connect people and help us understand each other. But even with all those words at my disposal, for years I struggled to find my own voice. Speaking someone else’s language is one thing, but living someone else’s version of you? That’s something else entirely.

The real journey for me has been figuring out how to stop adapting to everyone else and start just being me.

For years, I was the master of molding myself to what I thought people wanted. I was scared of rejection, so I’d create a version of myself that fit whoever I was around. Maybe you can relate? It’s exhausting, right? The constant shape-shifting, trying to be what you think everyone else expects—it’s draining. Now, I’m done with that. I’m learning to just exist as I am, without all the masks and the constant editing of my personality. And let me tell you, there’s a lot of freedom in that.

But before all this, before I started my business, I was just existing. You know that feeling, right? You’re in a job because you need to pay your bills, not because it’s your calling. I spent years thinking, Well, this is what I’m kind of good at, so I guess this is what I’ll do until I die. But none of it felt like me.

I was a community manager at my last job, and I loved bringing people together. But something was still off. It wasn’t a mission I was aligned with—it was just work. I realized I wasn’t living my life. I was following someone else’s idea of success, showing up every day because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

Starting My Business Helped Me Unmask

Starting LuxCBD wasn’t some big planned-out move. It was part necessity (because, well, I had no money), and part I can’t keep doing this. I’ve always been fascinated by cannabis—by how it affects the body and the mind, and by how much stigma it carries for something so… chill. So I threw myself into it, invested my last £300, and said, fuck it, let’s see what happens.

And here’s the thing: it worked. Not overnight, not without a million moments of doubt, but it worked. In those early days, I was scared shitless, but I also had nothing left to lose, which made it thrilling. Getting into the designs, the recipes, the branding—my ADHD brain was buzzing, and for once, I was excited about something that felt like mine.

Running LuxCBD taught me how to set boundaries and finally believe in myself. It wasn’t easy. I still struggle with work-life balance because, let’s face it, I’m not great at resting. Even when I’m horizontal, my brain is running marathons. But this business showed me that I can do hard things, and that doing it my way is the only way that works.

One of the biggest things I’ve let go of is caring what people think. Dropping that mask of being “palatable” for others has been a game-changer. Now, I’m unapologetic. I know my product is good, I know it works, and I’m proud of it. And sure, I’m up against stigma and platforms that hate the plant medicine I sell, but I believe in what I’ve built because I’ve seen how it helps people.

And that’s what I want for you.

If you’re stuck in a life that doesn’t feel like yours, or if you’ve ever thought, Is this it? Is this what I’m going to do forever?—let go of the story you’re telling yourself. What if you didn’t focus on all the reasons why you can’t? What if you just tried? Sure, things could go wrong. But what if they go so right?

I never thought I’d be here. I didn’t have a “master plan.” I just fucking tried. And yeah, it’s scary, but it’s also incredible. My definition of success used to be all about money. Now, it’s about people trusting me, coming to meet me at markets, saying they love my products. It’s about the community that we are building. It’s about being seen as someone who can guide others.

If I can build a business that works, so can you. Whether you’re starting from scratch or you’ve got an idea that just won’t leave your head, trust yourself. Take the leap. You’ve gotten yourself this far, and you’ll get yourself through this, too. Even if it doesn’t go perfectly, failure is a lesson. You’ll learn. You’ll adjust. And you’ll be better for it.

This isn’t high-polish content. This is real. I built this from the ground up, and I believe  you can, too. My products are part of that story, but the real story is about believing in yourself enough to just fucking try. How corny is that?!

Building Trust with My Audience

Here’s where I want to get real with you. I don’t want people to just buy my products because they work (though they definitely do). I want my audience to feel like they can come to me for more than just CBD. Whether it’s advice, motivation, or just a good laugh, I want to be someone you can trust. Someone who’s been through the ringer and gets it.

I’ve had a lot of people come and go in my life. Some relationships are still strong, while others have faded, but every single one of those people helped shape who I am today. Even if we aren’t as close as we once were, I’m forever grateful for the role they played in my life. People leave marks on you, even if you don’t realize it at the time.

Navigating Family and No Contact

Speaking of relationships, here’s something that shaped me in a big way: I’ve been no contact with one of my parents for a long time. It’s a decision that was necessary for my mental health, but it’s also something that completely changed how I view relationships—family or otherwise. Cutting off a parent isn’t easy, but it taught me the importance of setting boundaries and valuing respect over obligation. It made me realize that showing up authentically is the only way I can build meaningful connections.

Family isn’t always defined by blood. I’ve learned that sometimes, you have to make hard decisions to protect your peace and mental health. And that’s okay. You deserve relationships that nourish and respect you. Anything less just isn’t worth it.

ADHD and My Battle with Inertia

Let’s talk about ADHD for a minute. If you know, you know—getting started on anything can feel like climbing a mountain. So, I’ve learned this little trick: I give myself permission to just do one thing. Like, if I’ve got a whole pile of laundry to fold, I’ll tell myself, Just fold one shirt. Sometimes, that’s all I do, and that’s fine. But more often than not, once I’ve started, I’ll keep going and finish the whole thing. It’s a weird mind game, but it works. It helps me keep promises to myself, even if they’re small ones.

This technique has been such a lifesaver, especially when my brain decides it doesn’t want to do anything. It’s all about momentum, and sometimes starting small is all it takes to keep things moving.

What Brings Me Joy

When I’m not working on LuxCBD, I’m all about travel, my dog and two cats, and playing music with my band. We do weddings, birthdays, big events—it’s always exciting. Meeting new people, sharing music, and making memories—it all brings me so much joy ( and it is also exhausting and over stimulating!!) . And the best part? A lot of those connections turn into clients and friends, which just makes everything feel even more intertwined.

Music has always been a huge part of my life. It’s where I feel most alive and connected to myself, to others. I use music as part of somatic release therapy. It’s funny how sometimes the things you love outside of your business end up feeding back into it, bringing new people into your world.

Success Is Freedom

For me, success isn’t just about the business goals. Sure, it’s great to see the numbers grow, but real success? That’s freedom. It’s being able to book a flight without stressing about the cost. It’s being able to live authentically, surrounded by people who get me—people who understand what it’s like to be neurodivergent, queer, non-binary, and passionate about things like cannabis and self actualisation.

It’s about building a life that makes you feel seen and understood, where you don’t have to mask or change who you are. That’s what success really means to me—being able to exist fully as myself, while connecting with people who value that authenticity.

So let me  leave you on this… “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” — Brené Brown. Okay, love you, bye!