Luxury Manifestation Retreat Breakthroughs

Margy recently attended Kathleen Cameron’s Rise Retreat in May and she shares all about it in this episode!    Links mentioned:  https://www.instagram.com/asoulcalledjoel/ Audio Transcript:    Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): In this episode, I am going to share some of the breakthroughs I had going on a manifestation retreat with Kathleen camera and I went on her rise retreat last week in the Bahamas and it was a really.   2 00:00:19.740 --> 00:00:39.270 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Profound amazing experience it wasn't what I thought it would be, but it definitely ended up being what I needed and so i've been sharing this on my personal instagram at hey MARQuIS on live, but we wanted to bring some of those lessons here to the podcast.   3 00:00:39.930 --> 00:00:50.310 Jessica Rhodes: yeah, and so this came about, we were in Florida for a mastermind that we're in Kelly Roach his legacy leaders, and you know Margie had this.   4 00:00:51.480 --> 00:00:52.230 Jessica Rhodes: Really, this like.   5 00:00:52.710 --> 00:01:02.280 Jessica Rhodes: Calling she's like I need someone to pour into me do I need like an executive coach like I need something right so she's now out seeking and I remember we're walking through the airport.   6 00:01:02.370 --> 00:01:14.910 Jessica Rhodes: Well, she had previously heard from Anna rains like you should go to kathleen's retreat and so we're walking she tells me about it in the hotel room and I was like okay like cool like an expensive retreat in the Bahamas sounds like a.   7 00:01:16.260 --> 00:01:17.250 Jessica Rhodes: Perfect business and.   8 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:21.780 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was like.   9 00:01:22.140 --> 00:01:31.350 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): A true into MARQuIS style of like being like I think I want to invest in a you know, an executive coach should work with me a CEO.   10 00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:40.830 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And, but I had been afraid to ask because it felt really selfish to ask the business to invest in coaching that was just for me, but, but I was like you know.   11 00:01:41.250 --> 00:01:49.830 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): As CEO and showing up and coaching and pouring into everybody else I was like I really feel like I need somebody who's like pouring into me.   12 00:01:50.340 --> 00:01:57.930 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So I was like i'll hire an executive coach and then as just said, I, so I reached out to Anna rains and i'm just kind of like researching different coaches.   13 00:01:58.590 --> 00:02:07.170 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Kathleen Cameron is amazing she's somebody i've like had my eye on who does incredible work with manifestation and she's a really powerful very authentic person.   14 00:02:07.500 --> 00:02:09.360 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so I reached out to Anna and i'm like.   15 00:02:09.750 --> 00:02:20.790 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): All right, like what a what a kathleen's programs look like you know she's got like some six months programs and there's like a group they're like group programs with a call once a week, which I really was looking for something one on one, but I figured i'd ask like.   16 00:02:21.150 --> 00:02:24.750 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): What does it look like and Anna was like you know I actually think.   17 00:02:25.770 --> 00:02:37.140 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I don't know that her programs would be as good a fit for you as this retreat this like three day retreat in the Bahamas it's going to be amazing Kathleen is going to be there again her energy you'll have these breakthroughs.   18 00:02:38.100 --> 00:02:47.730 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so, like when, for me, hiring an executive coach to me like telling jess and my wife like I think i'm going to go to the Bahamas and then being like what.   19 00:02:47.760 --> 00:02:54.360 Jessica Rhodes: Are you talking about so we're like walking through the palm beach airport and.   20 00:02:54.870 --> 00:03:00.990 Jessica Rhodes: she's like she has her phone out and she's like I really feel like I need to be there and i'm like all right.   21 00:03:04.230 --> 00:03:17.340 Jessica Rhodes: And like if you know mark it as as argues wife and I know very well when she says she really feels like she needs to be there, like we know it's going to happen and like there's not you know.   22 00:03:17.700 --> 00:03:22.710 Jessica Rhodes: it's like get on board or not, but like business happening, and so we sit down.   23 00:03:23.460 --> 00:03:28.530 Jessica Rhodes: And she's like really sharing like I really feel like I need to be there.   24 00:03:28.890 --> 00:03:37.320 Jessica Rhodes: And she was sort of like and I was like Okay, what does that mean because, like whenever we work with a coach like we always work with a coach like together like we do a mastermind together we're 50 partners and all that.   25 00:03:37.860 --> 00:03:48.420 Jessica Rhodes: And she was sort of like like do you want to check it out like what do you think, and I looked at it and I was like I mean I it's hard to do it's hard to look at a luxury retreat in the Bahamas and be like this ain't for me.   26 00:03:48.930 --> 00:04:01.830 Jessica Rhodes: But I looked at it and I was like this ain't for me like i'm like this Okay, you have my blessing, you can go on this retreat and i'm like I know it'll pay off, but it was like.   27 00:04:02.820 --> 00:04:09.060 Jessica Rhodes: Okay, this, this is what it's like to partner with marky she is like i'm going to do this and you're like I trust you.   28 00:04:10.380 --> 00:04:13.110 Jessica Rhodes: and go ahead.   29 00:04:14.340 --> 00:04:16.860 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah I get some intuitive hits that.   30 00:04:18.420 --> 00:04:26.820 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): seem really off topic, sometimes, but so far 100% of the time they have like paid off.   31 00:04:27.630 --> 00:04:34.590 Jessica Rhodes: it's just so funny because, like it went from like when I think executive coach and I know this like isn't probably super.   32 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:51.090 Jessica Rhodes: You know, politically correct, but I just think of like an old man in a suit i'm like okay she's gonna go get some like CEO you know, and then it turns out she's like two weeks later in the Bahamas like in clear blue water and this like $33 million mansion and i'm like okay.   33 00:04:52.080 --> 00:05:05.730 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and it was like and the thing is like yeah I mean a luxury retreat is cool but that wasn't what I set out for I really set out because I knew that I needed to up level as a leader.   34 00:05:06.090 --> 00:05:18.990 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I wanted someone that was coaching me and I wanted some coaching that was like just for me because, like just said, we are coaching together all the time, but increasingly we have very, very different roles and.   35 00:05:19.620 --> 00:05:29.100 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like i'm the only one in the CEO see and like it's just a different vibe it's a different like I don't feel like i'm alone, sometimes.   36 00:05:29.370 --> 00:05:43.500 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so having a coach who's just working with me directly to help me be the best CEO possible and to help me coach and mentor everybody else in the business, who I met her directly and like to help them up level even more.   37 00:05:44.880 --> 00:05:47.250 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was also picturing an old white man.   38 00:05:48.390 --> 00:05:53.550 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Which is why I was so funny because it was like the feeling was so strong and it was like also funny because.   39 00:05:53.970 --> 00:06:04.890 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I am a little bit like easing into travel, so the idea like i'm looking at this thing we're in the airport and I had just been like I think I want to travel less.   40 00:06:05.220 --> 00:06:10.830 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And this retreat is like less than a month away an international trip it, which is just like.   41 00:06:11.700 --> 00:06:23.550 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): On the surface, I was like this is, and of course it was like every annual doctor's appointment, I had fell during that one week it was like there was, like all these inconveniences that I was just like.   42 00:06:23.970 --> 00:06:31.020 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Oh, but I felt so strong and I was like I have to be there, and so I just I was, like all right i'm rescheduling everything and like.   43 00:06:31.650 --> 00:06:48.900 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know, deep appreciation to just for supporting me and for believing that there would be an Roi to the business and to my wife, for supporting me when she was like really not happy that I had just gotten home and was like i'm going to the Bahamas like by.   44 00:06:51.120 --> 00:07:06.450 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): She was not happy, but I knew that I had to go and I thought it was because I needed to go and get into kathleen's presence, because she has this incredible vibe and Energy I had heard about it.   45 00:07:06.930 --> 00:07:26.670 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I ended up going and we actually didn't spend a lot of time with Kathleen because she had some health issues, which was really interesting because, at first, the first day she wasn't there and I was like there was a part of my mind that was like oh wait a minute.   46 00:07:26.880 --> 00:07:38.340 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like Why did I have this intuitive hit that I needed to be at this thing when the person who whose presence, I wanted to be in to get this next level guidance to bring back to the business.   47 00:07:38.790 --> 00:07:47.220 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): isn't here and I don't say that with any rudeness, but like those are the sort of limiting thoughts that come up sometimes but then there was this other part of me that was like.   48 00:07:47.550 --> 00:07:55.830 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i'm here this investment is made, I am going to have a breakthrough and like when I decide i'm going to have a breakthrough.   49 00:07:56.250 --> 00:08:03.570 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): As I told a few people I could have a breakthrough staring at a telephone pole like breakthroughs on demand baby if.   50 00:08:04.020 --> 00:08:12.450 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i'm going to have a breakthrough i'm going to have a breakthrough and I did end up having these huge breakthroughs, but they weren't and This is so true like when we did landmark it was like this, like.   51 00:08:13.050 --> 00:08:25.110 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I the breakthrough is never Look how I think they're going to look but it's always the breakthrough that I need and showing up without my wife without jess and justin I always go to business things together.   52 00:08:26.340 --> 00:08:35.310 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was so weird I like I couldn't believe it, so I show up in the super expensive Villa expecting to feel.   53 00:08:35.940 --> 00:08:43.590 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): This like amazing manifesting abundance right and I showed up and I actually felt kind of weird.   54 00:08:44.070 --> 00:08:57.300 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I was like shit like i'm not i'm not manifesting right, you know, like i'm supposed to i'm supposed to be in this expensive Villa and feel the feelings of abundance and, like all of this stuff and.   55 00:08:57.840 --> 00:09:04.710 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But I like showed up, and it was sort of awkward because I came a little bit earlier than everyone else, so there was only a few people in the House and, like.   56 00:09:04.950 --> 00:09:09.210 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And again, that i'm not knocking the retreat amazing retreat Kathleen is amazing.   57 00:09:09.540 --> 00:09:14.550 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): This is how I experienced it because of my level of consciousness, which then evolved we're going to take you through it.   58 00:09:14.850 --> 00:09:19.920 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But, so I first arrived and i'm feeling awkward and there's like a few people and i'm kind of like high.   59 00:09:20.370 --> 00:09:26.970 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And they all seem to know each other, because they had participated in Bob proctor and Kathleen programs for a long time.   60 00:09:27.270 --> 00:09:33.720 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): They are part of that world which I have never done any of those things, so people are like, why are you here, and I was like.   61 00:09:34.440 --> 00:09:42.960 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i've gotten that question a few times you know, like just an Alex would would ask the same thing i'm not sure I just knew I had to be here and.   62 00:09:43.350 --> 00:09:51.780 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was sort of awkward and then everybody arrived, and we had this dinner but Kathleen was supposed to be there, but she wasn't there and it was.   63 00:09:52.110 --> 00:10:05.820 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was a little weird and I didn't really know anyone I knew one person I knew Annabel like she had other friends there who she's been friends with for a long time, so I didn't want to like intrude on her time with her bfs so I was just sort of like awkwardly floating around.   64 00:10:07.650 --> 00:10:22.740 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And being like Why do I feel so weird like i'm like Marty what the hell is wrong with you like you're literally in a mansion on the beach, why are you feeling uncomfortable you should just be feeling like amazing and manifest it.   65 00:10:24.180 --> 00:10:35.250 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so we go through the first full day of the retreat Kathleen still not there it's very unclear when she's going to get there if she's going to get there and i'm kind of like what is happening.   66 00:10:35.520 --> 00:10:45.150 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And i'm still like in this battle against myself of like Come on, you asshole like manifest like look at the ocean and feel the feelings of abundance margate.   67 00:10:45.210 --> 00:10:47.340 Jessica Rhodes: swing on those swings in the water.   68 00:10:48.330 --> 00:10:50.220 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But well we didn't get to the swings yet that was like.   69 00:10:50.220 --> 00:11:10.230 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Okay, but but i'm like come on girl like talking to myself, like and but still feeling so weird so we get through day one, and it's like nice um I think it was the I think it was all day one, because we get to dinner and or like dinner time and people are sharing.   70 00:11:11.820 --> 00:11:17.730 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I was like I need to share this because i've experienced this so many times.   71 00:11:18.150 --> 00:11:28.320 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Where there's just something like not it up and you and you're like fighting against yourself and only when you say it out loud to other human beings are you free of it.   72 00:11:28.740 --> 00:11:40.650 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it's always awkward but it's like I knew I needed to do that so everyone's doing their shares and they're like talking about abundance and, like all like the stuff we're supposed to be talking about.   73 00:11:41.100 --> 00:11:49.560 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I, so I get the MIC and we're at this big giant live live edge wood table with this insane ocean view.   74 00:11:50.520 --> 00:12:06.090 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I get the MIC and, of course, my voice starts cracking immediately so i'm like into the MIC like I just feel like it's like so embarrassing voices like that, through this entire speech.   75 00:12:08.130 --> 00:12:09.090 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I just like.   76 00:12:09.330 --> 00:12:24.510 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): open to other them about like feeling so insecure and like showing up alone and feeling like those old feelings from like middle school of like.   77 00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:35.160 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You know, it does my body look right like Am I wearing the right clothes, am I saying the right things like everybody knows each other they're already friends and i'm like I you know i'm like.   78 00:12:35.670 --> 00:12:46.170 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I don't know anyone so i'm kind of floating around and i'm like trying not to look like a weird outcast but i'm also trying not to intrude on other people's conversations like like just like being an absolute nutcase.   79 00:12:46.290 --> 00:12:47.790 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): In this like gorgeous.   80 00:12:48.390 --> 00:12:50.130 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): With this gorgeous backdrop.   81 00:12:50.610 --> 00:12:56.190 Jessica Rhodes: If you have not seen the instagram stories like imagine selling sunset It is like one of those mansions.   82 00:12:56.340 --> 00:13:08.460 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and it's like and one of the lessons I think, is that, like, no matter how gorgeous scenery it's like what what is happening inside of you that's what matters like you could have a view of a dumpster and if you're in alignment.   83 00:13:08.880 --> 00:13:22.440 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's gonna be amazing and you can be in a gorgeous $35 million Villa and like battling old insecurities that you thought you were like 20 years away from experiencing.   84 00:13:22.860 --> 00:13:32.040 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So I share all this in my like cracked voice, and it was so beautiful and by like being honest with people about how I was feeling.   85 00:13:32.400 --> 00:13:40.470 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was able to actually connect with them people new group are tearing up people told me they felt the same way and I was like, and it was like.   86 00:13:40.890 --> 00:13:49.590 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was like really because you look amazing and they were like you look amazing and I was like maybe we're all crazy and it was just so amazing.   87 00:13:50.250 --> 00:13:59.970 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so after I did that share Oh, you know what this was after the boat experience, so we did have that really cool but experience, which was really nice, but I still felt kind of weird and then.   88 00:14:01.230 --> 00:14:12.840 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): After I said that we you know we finished our food everybody's like milling around and rosie this really nice woman who was there comes up to me and she was like you know.   89 00:14:13.830 --> 00:14:22.800 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Today, when we were on the boat excursion I told you, I love your bathing suit it's like your style is so gorgeous and so unique.   90 00:14:23.250 --> 00:14:33.660 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And she had said this compliment at a normal volume of voice to me people around heard because they were they could hear that conversation they're like yeah I heard that.   91 00:14:34.080 --> 00:14:40.530 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I didn't answer her like it must have looked like I snapped her because I literally didn't hear it.   92 00:14:41.160 --> 00:14:56.040 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that blew my mind, I was like I because I wasn't feeling confident in myself I literally physically could not hear the nice things that people were saying to me.   93 00:14:56.850 --> 00:15:01.140 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that blew my fucking mind because it's like how much love.   94 00:15:01.410 --> 00:15:16.290 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): and support is around you that you're not even hearing how much money are people trying to give you, and you are not even hearing them you're not even seeing it because you're out of alignment with that and so.   95 00:15:17.010 --> 00:15:32.790 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): That was, like the first that was like part one of the lesson that was really, really profound for me and then the next day there was like a deeper version of that same lesson, do you want me to pause just.   96 00:15:35.520 --> 00:15:40.650 Jessica Rhodes: um no I don't think I have anything to add, so why don't you keep going.   97 00:15:41.820 --> 00:15:53.730 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Okay, so the next day, and I also want to say it wasn't like it wasn't like I said this and then everything was great like right, I was still in the space of discomfort.   98 00:15:54.060 --> 00:15:59.730 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But it wasn't like it was before I felt connected to the people around me I just felt a little uncomfortable.   99 00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:06.420 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And one of the things i've realized is that being connected with people makes me uncomfortable, and so I have to work with my nervous system.   100 00:16:07.020 --> 00:16:14.550 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like true connection so that really broke the ice when I was able to share that people started coming up to me.   101 00:16:14.880 --> 00:16:18.210 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And like you know there were like you seem really confident like.   102 00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:28.110 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I was there were like one person was like I was really surprised to hear you say that because you seemed really confident you seemed really happy and friendly and confident and I never would have guessed you're feeling that way.   103 00:16:28.530 --> 00:16:37.350 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that was cool because I was like how many other people are feeling that way that we just think are so much more confident than we are, but they are actually feeling a totally different way, so.   104 00:16:37.920 --> 00:16:47.880 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I connected with people Peggy shout out to Peggy my bfs who we know who's done like a bunch of our master classes, I got to know her.   105 00:16:49.530 --> 00:16:58.920 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was just really special so i'm still feeling a little uncomfortable because i've just been super vulnerable with all these basically strangers, but I felt this relief and people were like you look lighter.   106 00:16:59.490 --> 00:17:07.950 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so the next day thing was the next day, or maybe it was two days later, then the our last morning there we did a.   107 00:17:08.460 --> 00:17:21.240 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Guided meditation with this amazing musician named Joel his handle is a soul called Joel will link to it in the show notes he's on Tik Tok and on Instagram as a soul called Joel.   108 00:17:22.800 --> 00:17:27.900 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): he's the best he's like the most calming person in the entire world, he also has all these amazing.   109 00:17:28.530 --> 00:17:35.550 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): manifestation and affirmation and just instrumental stuff on spotify he's an incredible guitar player and singer he.   110 00:17:35.880 --> 00:17:47.760 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Is the guitar player for India irie they've been working together for like seven eight years he manifested that that's a whole sidebar but he told me the story of how we manifest that she found him online crazy so.   111 00:17:48.900 --> 00:17:49.560 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): he's like.   112 00:17:49.710 --> 00:18:03.030 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Alright, so i'm going to walk you through this meditation called I am the love of my life and I had seen it on the agenda and i'm like cute like whatever like that's Nice.   113 00:18:03.330 --> 00:18:14.250 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then I met Joe I sat with him at dinner The night before and I was like oh this guy's great like he's like so calm and like he just has one of those people who just love immediately he's so open.   114 00:18:14.550 --> 00:18:31.110 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): he's so calm he makes you feel calm he he can like regulate other people he has a superpower so having talked to Joel and gotten to know his very calm energy i'm like cool this is going to be a chill time this like morning meditation.   115 00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:34.080 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was not in fact a chill time.   116 00:18:35.820 --> 00:18:48.900 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But it was the time I needed so he's playing guitar he's having us like breathe in and breathe out and then he starts playing this song which is on spotify.   117 00:18:49.950 --> 00:18:58.110 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): called I am the love of my life which, like i'm like okay like that's super cute but I wasn't like I didn't like here that title is like oh my gosh.   118 00:18:59.580 --> 00:19:03.060 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i'm like that's that's nice i'm sure other people will get a lot of that I think is.   119 00:19:05.460 --> 00:19:06.930 Jessica Rhodes: So classic MARQuIS.   120 00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:09.540 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I I don't learn sometimes.   121 00:19:09.720 --> 00:19:17.580 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So he's like playing the guitar and he's like an amazing guitarist and also he's so present and in flow when he plays that it just has a different quality.   122 00:19:18.150 --> 00:19:27.600 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And so, he starts he's like close your eyes i'm like all right Joel and then and then he's like I want you to watch a movie of your life.   123 00:19:28.110 --> 00:19:37.470 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): For two minutes, starting at your birth and coming to this moment for two minutes I want you to just close your eyes.   124 00:19:37.950 --> 00:19:47.910 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): and watch the video and so he's playing the song the love of my life he's like coming in and talking to us a little bit and everybody's eyes are closed and.   125 00:19:48.840 --> 00:19:58.290 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I just start to hear like loud cry coming from all around me, you know, like and and like and i'm crying too so.   126 00:19:58.680 --> 00:20:14.070 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i've done a lot of trauma work i've done i've done i've like gone back there i've process stuff so i'm like I kind of felt like I knew what to expect like this, I am about to embark on watching a very sad movie.   127 00:20:14.460 --> 00:20:29.370 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And like fine so but I started, and the reason I started crying was not because it was sad, it was because of the opposite, so I start watching I like watch my birth and, like my dad's there and it's like so cute.   128 00:20:30.180 --> 00:20:34.560 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And and i'm like this little baby and then I watched like my life.   129 00:20:35.460 --> 00:20:44.550 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was so weird because I felt like I could see things differently, even though it was just an imagination like it's a projection.   130 00:20:44.850 --> 00:20:57.330 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): But it really felt like I was there and suddenly I could see all these things watching it from the outside, that I hadn't been able to see when I was actually experiencing it as my younger self.   131 00:20:57.900 --> 00:21:12.300 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And the thing that I saw that blew my mind was that I have this very subconscious narrative that like I am alone right like that, like i've just always been so.   132 00:21:13.020 --> 00:21:22.470 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): lonely like i've always like even I feel the most lonely when I have the most people around me, even if it's like people I love.   133 00:21:22.920 --> 00:21:37.230 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): i've always just felt like disconnected and out of place, and like sometimes being around other people was worse than just being alone because it made me feel even more alone, so I know this is kind of kind of.   134 00:21:37.620 --> 00:21:40.320 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): dark right, but I want to be really.   135 00:21:40.320 --> 00:21:42.570 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): honest about it, because if i'm not.   136 00:21:42.630 --> 00:21:44.880 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): You won't be able to get anything out of it so.   137 00:21:47.040 --> 00:21:58.320 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was like it's subconscious like I wouldn't have described it as that what I thought was that, like people just didn't love me as much as they loved other people that's what I thought, because I couldn't feel the love.   138 00:21:58.650 --> 00:22:05.580 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): So I thought that people don't love me enough like I feel alone when i'm with my loved ones, because they don't love me enough.   139 00:22:06.000 --> 00:22:11.160 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): they're not giving me enough love they're not you know, giving me enough words of affirmation support and all that stuff.   140 00:22:11.700 --> 00:22:27.000 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then I watched the movie of my life and what blew me away was the amount of love the number of people who have been rooting for me, since day one cheering me on supporting me.   141 00:22:27.390 --> 00:22:40.020 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): loving me, and it was so crazy and then those people who are really memorable like those negative experiences of people who like said mean things to me are called me uglier said I was fat like that stuff that.   142 00:22:40.620 --> 00:22:47.100 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): in so many ways, has like shaped me kind of and made me more closed off and made me distrustful.   143 00:22:47.490 --> 00:22:59.940 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was such a minority of people who are mean and the majority of people like loved me and supported me so much, I was like crying because i'm like seeing all of this love and support.   144 00:23:00.780 --> 00:23:13.260 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): That I hadn't seen and I hadn't felt it and the analogy that came to me was like it was sort of like you've got like this jug of water right and the waters, the love.   145 00:23:13.710 --> 00:23:22.950 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then i'm this jar and the tops on the JAR and so you're pouring the jug of of water over the JAR trying to get it in the JAR.   146 00:23:23.250 --> 00:23:28.470 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it's all just hitting the top and going out there's nothing going in the JAR.   147 00:23:28.890 --> 00:23:45.330 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then, instead of me being like the tops on the JAR I kept thinking there's not enough in the jug there's not enough love i'm not getting enough love and it was crazy to realize how much love and support I was getting and that I wasn't receiving it.   148 00:23:46.830 --> 00:23:56.250 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And that, just like changed everything for me, I feel like and I realized, and I I voice message my wife Alex I voice messages because.   149 00:23:57.300 --> 00:24:07.110 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): The two of them, particularly they see me a lot they know me well, that you know, and one of the things I do is like.   150 00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:13.770 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I just don't like to show weakness I because of my narrative that i'm alone it's me verse everybody.   151 00:24:14.190 --> 00:24:26.550 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's like I always have my game face on like almost no matter what i'm like no worries I know what to do, we're good i'm fine i'm good like let me help you i'm fine.   152 00:24:27.210 --> 00:24:32.700 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I realized that I had noticed, I had picked up on.   153 00:24:33.030 --> 00:24:40.080 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Those moments where to me, I was showing weakness, where I don't think this is actually weakness I don't think they would say this, but my interpretation was.   154 00:24:40.320 --> 00:24:47.700 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Weak moments moments, where I didn't know what to do, moments, where I got emotional and I didn't mean to moments, where I was vulnerable.   155 00:24:48.450 --> 00:24:56.220 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I could tell that both jess and Alex in those moments were happy right they would like lean in there, like yes.   156 00:24:56.700 --> 00:25:09.240 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And my interpretation for my previous understanding of me verse everyone was like these assholes like they want to see me week, while they're not fucking gun like you know it was like.   157 00:25:09.810 --> 00:25:20.040 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was so funny to have this realization and be like they're not happy because they want me to suffer they're happy because they love me.   158 00:25:20.370 --> 00:25:30.480 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And they want to actually be able to see me and contribute to me and connect with me and when i'm acting like everything's perfect and i'm on top of it, and I have my game face on.   159 00:25:30.810 --> 00:25:48.240 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): They can't connect with me when i'm like let me help you and i'm supporting them but i'm not allowing them to see me or support me i'm like robbing them of this gift of contribution of real contribution and connection with me, and that was like so crazy.   160 00:25:48.810 --> 00:25:55.140 Jessica Rhodes: yeah yeah because when you're it feels it feels like a one way relationship, you know.   161 00:25:55.770 --> 00:26:01.200 Jessica Rhodes: When when you know one person is not ever opening up or showing their vulnerabilities are showing their weakness like.   162 00:26:01.710 --> 00:26:09.810 Jessica Rhodes: I know, for me it was like after i'm like well MARQuIS always has it together, she is always right, she is never having a down moment and.   163 00:26:10.650 --> 00:26:17.340 Jessica Rhodes: Meanwhile i'm like crying and like broad dlp, and so I think you know for so long i've always felt.   164 00:26:17.730 --> 00:26:29.490 Jessica Rhodes: You know I would feel less than you because i'm like well she never has breakdown she's not you know, then so it was just I really acknowledge you for like having that breakthrough and sharing that because it does feel.   165 00:26:30.210 --> 00:26:35.160 Jessica Rhodes: So good to be able to support somebody when they're feeling down because everyone has those down moments.   166 00:26:36.930 --> 00:26:40.890 Jessica Rhodes: And it's nice to be able to support each other.   167 00:26:41.550 --> 00:26:46.020 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah and it feels good to receive support it's uncomfortable.   168 00:26:46.080 --> 00:26:52.050 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Like for me and if you're like me after work with your nervous system, because it feels like you just want a snapshot.   169 00:26:53.040 --> 00:26:54.150 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Then you gotta like.   170 00:26:54.300 --> 00:27:01.620 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): stay open and like ease into it, but it feels good to receive that and it also feels good to like.   171 00:27:02.280 --> 00:27:10.950 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): be a real person like it's and it's like I do, I do have it together a lot like I, but there are moments where.   172 00:27:11.490 --> 00:27:20.370 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I don't share what's going on, or one thing I do is like when it's happening like when i'm in something when i'm really in it.   173 00:27:20.700 --> 00:27:27.600 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): my mind to keep me safe is like don't tell anyone don't tell anyone because it feels like an open nerve that I have to protect.   174 00:27:27.900 --> 00:27:36.300 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And then it's only once i've like figured it out by myself and i'm, on the other side of it that all then tell this really sanitized version of it.   175 00:27:36.540 --> 00:27:46.650 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): which looks like authenticity and is a kind of authenticity, but it's not the same as opening up when you're in it, because that's what feels really threatening but that's also.   176 00:27:46.920 --> 00:27:54.240 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): What allows your people to see you and to support you, and it was also like to hear you say that justin Alex said something similar to me.   177 00:27:54.960 --> 00:28:03.660 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): It was crazy to realize that because of my fear of people hurting me and my belief that, I mean I am so sensitive.   178 00:28:04.110 --> 00:28:15.300 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And I always looked at extreme sensitivity as a handicap and something that I had to hide and like protect and to realize that.   179 00:28:15.990 --> 00:28:26.490 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): In my fear of like vulnerability in my fear of being hurt in my effort to protect my sensitivity and what felt like an opener for me.   180 00:28:26.820 --> 00:28:34.530 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I had made the people that I love most feel bad about themselves because i'm showing up protecting myself acting like everything's fine.   181 00:28:34.860 --> 00:28:44.490 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And not realizing that i'm making them feel less than or like they can't contribute to me, and that was crazy, because that is not at all what I intended.   182 00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:53.640 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): And it was just it was very cool and of course it's like an ongoing thing i'm gonna have to keep reminding myself like reminding my body doing the neuro drills.   183 00:28:53.940 --> 00:29:03.780 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): it's safe it's safe to let people in it's safe to let people see me what I don't have it together but it's so powerful and it's just.   184 00:29:04.620 --> 00:29:19.350 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): I feel less alone, like, I really feel differently, after a lifetime of unconsciously feeling alone, I feel, and receive the love and support around me now for the first time.   185 00:29:21.120 --> 00:29:22.110 Jessica Rhodes: so beautiful.   186 00:29:24.930 --> 00:29:29.880 Jessica Rhodes: We are really taking y'all on some deep journey so welcome to our life.   187 00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:33.090 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): yeah June is a deep.   188 00:29:33.810 --> 00:29:37.770 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): Deep month on the podcast, so I hope I hope that you like it.   189 00:29:39.000 --> 00:29:40.320 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): follow us on social.   190 00:29:40.320 --> 00:29:40.740 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): media.   191 00:29:41.460 --> 00:29:46.410 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): shoot us an email, I really am interested in people's takeaways like.   192 00:29:46.710 --> 00:29:56.430 Margy Feldhuhn (she/her): If you heard something here and you're like oh my gosh this is me feel free to like send us a DM or you can email me at marquee at interview connections COM if you're just like oh my gosh.   193 00:29:57.060 --> 00:30:07.110 Jessica Rhodes: Like honestly were the type of friends, you can like dms and tell us your deepest traumas on the first DM and like we're not going to judge you for that So if you are hearing this and you're just like wow I can relate to this like.   194 00:30:07.560 --> 00:30:10.410 Jessica Rhodes: You can find us on social you can send us a message.   195 00:30:11.190 --> 00:30:12.300 Jessica Rhodes: Like we're happy to.   196 00:30:12.690 --> 00:30:24.210 Jessica Rhodes: to connect with you, if you're you know, an entrepreneur that's like really serious about up leveling and you want to coach with us, you want to get out on podcasts like reach out to us, you know interview connections COM marquee at interview connections COM.   197 00:30:24.780 --> 00:30:27.450 Jessica Rhodes: Multiple calls to action breaking my own rules, but.   198 00:30:28.680 --> 00:30:30.330 Jessica Rhodes: yeah alright thanks all.