Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: Text Posts from the Kids Group: 2021, published by jefftk on November 10, 2023 on LessWrong.

Another round of liberating kid posts from Facebook. For reference, in 2021 Lily turned 7, Anna turned 5, and Nora was born.

(Some of these were from me; some were from Julia. Ones saying "me" could mean either of us.)

Anna: Hello, I'm Mr. Hamburger.

Me: It's time to brush teeth, Mr. Hamburger.

Anna: I can't brush my teeth, I'm a hamburger.

Me: It's still time to brush teeth.

Anna: Hamburgers don't have teeth.

"Anna, try bonking your head into the faucet! I tried it, and the new squishy cover works!"

Last week Lily said she wanted bangs. I told her there is a three-week waiting period for any major haircut, and set a calendar reminder for us to talk about it again in three weeks. She agreed.

Two days later, she asked, "If I have bangs, will all my hair be short?"

I asked, "...Do you know what bangs are?"

"No."

We've been reading "The Boxcar Children", and the kids are excited about playing at roughing it in the woods. Lily came downstairs with a pillowcase full of stuff.

"Mom, we're pretending we are some poor people and we found just enough money to buy two couches, two pillows, a cooking pot, some stuffies, and this necklace. And I had just enough money to buy this pirate ship and two dolls."

"Dad, why are sponges squishy? Like mice?"

Jeff: Goodnight, Anna.

Anna: Oy-yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy! That's baby for "You're the best dad in the world."

Woke up to Lily reading to Anna

Hypothetical from Lily: "Mom, if you lived in a peanut shell and the only food you had was cheez-its this big" [holds up fingers to pea size] "and you slept in a shoe made of stone, and ten hundred children lived there, would you find somewhere else to live?"

From Lily at dinner:

"There is something that makes me sad.

[begins singing] Fairies aren't real

Magic isn't real

Unicorns aren't real

Santa Claus isn't real

The aTooth Fairy isn't real."

Lily, explaining the difference between even and odd numbers: "If they could all line up for a contra dance and they'd all have a partner, that's even."

Lily: "Anna, why did you hit me with the whistle?"

Anna, not wearing glasses or anything: "I'm sorry, my sight had gotten fogged up"

One of Lily's favorite conversations with Anna is the "gotcha."

Lily: I was talking to Dad about if we could get a pony. Do you really really want a pony too?

Anna: Yeah.

Lily: Well we barely know anything about ponies, and we don't have enough room! ...Anna, do you think it would be cool to be a cowgirl?

Anna: Yeah.

Lily: Well you would have to accept very little pay, you would have to work long hours, and you would barely even get a hut to sleep in!

Lily: "I'm super mad that the Fifth Amendment is still there! Somebody definitely needs to remove that thing"

...

Yesterday I explained plea bargaining, and she also thinks that's no good.

Anna, immediately after we sat down to dinner: "Here are some facts about teeth. Teeth are hard white blades that grow out of these things [indicates gums]. They can cut and grind."

Lily, settling down for the night with her teddy bear: "Mom, do you know what I like about Little Bear? First, he's soft to cuddle with. Second, he's an apex predator, so if monsters are real I feel like he'll protect me."

Anna: "Mom, can you sing the song where there's a big fight during the night and when the sun rises he's happy because he sees the flag?"

Anna: "why aren't you making my breakfast?"

Me: "you haven't told me what you wanted to eat yet?"

Anna: "I did tell you!"

Me: "I don't remember that?"

Anna: "Well, I already told you!"

Me: "Could you tell me again?

Anna: "I don't repeat myself"

Me: "Sorry, what?"

Anna: "I DON'T REPEAT MYSELF!"

Anna's statements of "fact" get less factual when she's mad. I helped her order a toy this morning with her allowance, and she asked when...