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Trish and Angela dive into practical strategies for working with children with Reactive Attachment Disorder — in both counseling and classroom settings. They discuss why standard approaches like planned ignoring and reward systems often fail with RAD kids, why relationship-building and immediate positive reinforcement are essential, and why many RAD children actually perform better at school than at home. The conversation covers the importance of communication between parents and teachers, giving children agency through choices, recognizing manipulation without overreacting, and a real-world case study involving two RAD sisters. The episode closes with a powerful reminder: parents, teachers, and counselors are all on the same team, working toward the success of the child.

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How do you love a child who feels unlovable? In The Art of Disarming Controlling Children, LPCC Trish Mares introduces the C.O.N.T.R.O.L. approach — a framework for empowering children with Reactive Attachment Disorder traits to master themselves rather than control everyone around them. Real case studies, practical strategies, and hard-won wisdom from 26+ years in behavioral health. Now available as an audiobook podcast.

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Trish Mares and Angela Flowers dive into how Reactive Attachment Disorder shows up in the classroom — and why the behavioral strategies that work for 99% of students sometimes don't work at all. From manipulative storytelling and shock-value lying to instigating class chaos and self-sabotaging success, they break down the patterns teachers, counselors, and aides will recognize. Real blended case studies illustrate how RAD-seeking children poke reliable reactors, win power struggles, and manipulate adults — plus what to do instead: staying neutral, reflecting emotions without losing control, avoiding power struggles entirely, and using "catch them being good" even in tough moments. Whether you're a teacher, school counselor, or caregiver, this episode offers practical, compassionate guidance for supporting the kids who need it most.

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MadaboutRad: Understanding Reactive Attachment Disorder
Hosted by Trish Mares, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

Episode Summary:

In this episode, Trish Mares — a licensed professional clinical counselor with nearly 30 years of experience working with children who have trauma and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) — introduces her audience to what she affectionately calls "radishes": children who carry traits of reactive attachment disorder.

Trish begins by explaining what RAD is: a disorder classified under post-traumatic stress disorder that develops when children lose trust in the world due to early experiences of neglect, foster care placement, extended hospital stays, or separation from a caregiver at birth. Even babies placed directly into loving homes can develop RAD if they don't hear their mother's voice right after birth, triggering the amygdala's fight-or-flight response.

She walks listeners through common RAD traits — children who present well in public but are challenging at home, who are manipulative, impulsive, attention-seeking, boundary-crossing, hypervigilant, food-hoarding, and possess a high pain tolerance — helping parents identify whether their child may be a "radish."

Trish then introduces her original framework called CONTROL, a technique she's developed and refined over 20 years to help children with RAD and their families:

• C — Control: Teaching children they can only control themselves, not others
• O — Options: Giving limited choices so children feel a sense of autonomy while the guardian retains final say
• N — Neutrality: The hardest skill for parents — staying emotionally neutral so children can't manipulate their reactions
• T — Trust: Built through consistent follow-through, natural consequences, and strategic unpredictability
• R — Respect (and Reflective Tone): Showing respect unconditionally, modeling boundaries, and using reflective tones to help children feel heard
• O — Others: Navigating the pushback from family members, schools, and professionals who may misunderstand these techniques
• L — Love: Reframing love as a direct action, helping children who confuse victimhood with being loved

She also critiques outdated treatment approaches, such as asserting total control over the child or re-traumatizing children behind one-way glass, and recommends the book *The Neurobiology of Attachment-Focused Therapy* by Jonathan Baylin and Daniel Hughes.

Throughout the episode, Trish reassures parents that things may get worse before they get better — children will often push harder against new boundaries before accepting them — but with consistency, forgiveness, and love, progress is possible.

About the Host:
Trish Mares is a licensed professional clinical counselor who has spent nearly three decades specializing in children with reactive attachment disorder and trauma. She learned much of what she knows not from textbooks, but from excellent foster parents during her 12 years working exclusively with children in foster care.

Audience: Foster parents, adoptive parents, step-parents, and anyone who knows or works with a child who may have RAD traits.

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In the debut episode of MadaboutRad, licensed professional clinical counselor Trish Mares and school counselor Angela Flowers introduce listeners to Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) — a condition that affects children whose early bonding experiences were disrupted by neglect, frequent moves, medical crises, or separation from a primary caregiver.

Trish and Angela break down the core traits of RAD: the need for control, hypervigilance, creating drama when bored, collecting odd objects, high pain tolerance, sugar addiction, difficulty maintaining friendships, and the ability to present as charming to strangers while struggling at home. They discuss how these children often hold it together at school and unravel with their parents — particularly mothers — and how RAD is frequently confused with other attachment issues or misdiagnosed.

Trish shares her journey working at Buckeye Ranch with foster children, where she discovered her passion for this underserved area of mental health. She explains how early intervention can prevent RAD from evolving into personality disorders like borderline, and why even some professionals in the field don't recognize the disorder exists.

The episode closes with a powerful message: having a child with attachment issues doesn't make you a bad parent. The hosts preview future episodes where they'll cover concrete parenting strategies and techniques for helping RAD children thrive.

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Trish Mares explains that RAD can develop through early disruptions in safety and attachment—including NICU stays, severe colic, separation after birth, foster or adoptive placement, and repeated childhood moves—which may undermine a child’s trust in the world.

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Trish Mares describes common traits associated with children with RAD, including behaving well publicly while struggling at home with impulsivity, attention-seeking, poor boundaries, hypervigilance, poor focus, food hoarding, inaccurate reporting, and other challenging behaviors.

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Trish Mares introduces MadAboutRad, drawing on nearly 30 years of experience with children with Reactive Attachment Disorder to offer foster, adoptive, and stepparents greater understanding and practical insight into these resilient but often challenging children.

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Trish Mares introduces “MadAboutRAD,” explaining that Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) can develop when children lose trust in the world following experiences such as neglect, foster care, or prolonged hospitalization, leading to a heightened need for control, and promises practical solutions for helping them.