the universe works through a process of magic and i'm not sure if you felt that when you were in mania i think the word manic could be changed to magic and even though it's magic it's not really that magical what I really mean is that the universe works in a way that's beyond our logical ego minds capacity to see and we have thought processes and then we have science that uses thought to think about the universe and and try and see how it works by the scientific method and that's somewhat helpful but at the same time that doesn't mean that the universe works based on science it just means that using the scientific method there's going to be scientific discoveries about the universe but that doesn't mean that that's how the universe works it doesn't work the way our mind logically works we see it that way because that's how our mind works based on logic but that's not necessarily how it is and to me we come across that in the state of mania would wow the world works in incredible ways but we don't see it that way on a daily basis so it's not really that magical it's magic only in that it's something that we don't understand how it works obviously we don't and we probably never will the universe once showed me that I'll never understand how it works and this was probably the weirdest experience I ever had in so-called psychosis was I went to the hospital and I tried to get in the hospital and they turned me away and I came back to my place and that was blood on a red pepper in my place and I was like what the hell and then I said like what the hell to my mom just no no she acts weird when that happens I don't know what oh it's not that weird I'm like this is massed and so I ended up in the psych ward a couple days later and then when I got home a couple days after that I went to my parents house and they were watching a show on those kids that bleed out of their eyes and then they were my parents were just like oh whatever and they were saying how no one ever saw it start it was only people saw the blood coming out of their eyes so they weren't they were thinking it could have been put there like if they didn't see it actually start then well that doesn't prove like it could be a hoax right that's what they were saying on the show and I said to my parents I said no the reason why we don't see it start is because the universe is saying you're never gonna figure me out you're never going to figure me out like try to figure out why kids are bleeding from their eyes and and you don't see it start just like there's blood on a red pepper in my place and I'm like universe with the hell come on why are you doing that and so the universe can do anything it can probably create a whole ya wouldn't even say it but it's just really messed up and so I said okay universe I'm not going to try and figure you out I'm just gonna go about my business and you can do whatever you want but that's the thing the universe as soon as we at one step closer to figuring it out it's just going to create something weirder for us to be baffled by because it doesn't work the way that we think that it does it only consistently seems to work the way we think it does because that's the way we think it works so that's what we're going to see and then these anomalies happen that people see anomalies and then people experience anomalies in mania and psychosis and then they come back and they're said oh you were just mentally ill it's like no maybe there's something else to see it's just most people can't see it and I that's another thing with the embodying nematic trades is that I feel like by being that way we're going to an uncovered that world that's there within us all for us all to be our best shiny wonderful beautiful selves and that's the thing too is that utilizing mania as a platform a sort of transformative tool to become one's best self is a little strange and I'm just talking about it a lot to get it out of my system and maybe talk enough that I'll conv