I wrote this on 21 December 2019, worried about whether I'd be able to visit one of my friends again and about whether I'd be able to see another friend at all.

It really does seem like the world ended in 2012 in some sense. Back when I was a kid, I could see myself doing things and living in 2012, but never after that. That seemed to be the cutoff date. For whatever reason, for the longest time I lost the ability to see myself in the future. Only recently have I regained it, and it's exhilarating.

Still, it often feels like everything's changed. There's little continuity for me from my past to my present and future; it seems like a series of cut-up segments of tape with little relation glued end-to-end. What I've longed for, aside from human connection, has often been the ability to connect myself with my past and my future without losing the here-and-now.

•

Lyrics:

As this disease runs through my arteries,

I ache so much for my home away from home,

for that fateful place where there is no disgrace.

But for now I am and shall remain alone.

I am relaxing here, yet I am filled with fear

that I will never see his face again,

that I may never kiss her dainty lips.

My only friend here is the freezing rain.

All I want to do is make love

on the seventh anniversary of the end of the world.

All I need to do is make love

on the seventh anniversary of the end of the world.

And I contemplate this strange old date

which marked the turning of a strange new dawn.

The life I knew evaporated like dew.

All I'm certain of is that world is gone.

My love, it cries for something that ties

me back to the world that I left behind,

but as well someone anchored in the Sun

who is unafraid to take the rope and bind.

•

Credits:

• Evangeline Sutherland

——vocals, guitar, synths, production