Your favorite middle-aged millennial packed her bikinis, a portable ring light, and zero patience for tourist traps and took Istanbul and Greece by storm. From Turkish delights that were actually delightful to Greek islands where the ferry schedules ran on chaos and ouzo, this was a trip equal parts luxury and lunacy. Expect jet-lag rants, accidental culture lessons, a dash of dark humor, and proof that yes—you can survive international travel with style, sarcasm, and SPF 50.