This is episode number 50. Five-zero. I think we actually have more episodes than 50 because I didn’t number some bonus episodes, but today feels like a special day, so I’m going to say happy number 50 to me.

All right, you guys. I’m going to share a very personal, but very common part of my story today, and how I manage the inconvenience of depression. And so I’m going to give you a little bit of background; try to keep that brief. And then I’m going to tell you a story that recently happened to me about depression. And then I’m going to share with you, some of the ways that I actually manage the inconvenience of depression.

And so let me first off state I am not a therapist. I’m a coach, and I am a human being who was diagnosed with 24 with clinical depression. It’s something I have managed for much of my life. And it runs in my family. A lot of family members struggle with this, too. And I also know that many, many, many of my colleges and friends, especially in this day and age of overstimulation; and how we haven’t been taught how to feel difficult feelings also manage and live with depression and/or anxiety.

So the first part I want to tell you how even acknowledging out loud that I struggle with depression or anxiety came to be absolutely a part of my business. So in 2007, 2008, 2009 … So 2009, I was a productivity coach. I was a coach of productivity coaches for our real estate organization. And I was doing 13 coaching sessions a day. I was having a great time, I was working really hard, I was in my 30s and newly married, but just running and gunning; overachiever phase. And I was doing really well, and I got asked to be on a panel of coaches for a national conference. And I don’t remember the question. I don’t remember any of the context, except for my answer to an audience member’s question was, that I actually struggled with depression. And I don’t remember what I said about it. Knowing me, I had a positive spin on it. And very much like today, how I manage it. Because that’s something I’ve been doing for a long time. I don’t see it as an affliction. I notice it as an experience, just like, “Oh, I have a cold. Oh, I’m feeling a little depressed.” And I don’t take my depression personally.

So I remember having … This came out on this panel, and I remember this moment of, “Do I want to share that I’ve struggled with this?” And I did. Afterward, there was a line of other coaches across the nation that worked with my organization waiting to meet me. And every single one of them was saying, “Thank you so much for sharing, I struggle with depression, too. Thank you so much for sharing, I struggle with depression, too.” And I remember, at the time, one of my mentors looked at me a few days later in the office and she was like, “I would never have said that.” And she was entitled to have that position, but I remember saying, “I’m so glad I did.” I felt human, and apparently, a lot of our clients felt human, too. And that was a moment early in my coaching career that I knew for me … I cannot speak for anybody else. But for me, that this is a part of who I am, and hiding it; depressing it down only made it worse.

There were ways that I could share this part of my human condition, and I could still function and I could be human, and a leader even though I struggle with … I don’t really … Well, I do … Do I struggle, or do I not struggle? It’s interesting. I don’t like to claim that identity of struggling. And yet, sometimes it shows up.

Recently, I had a very inconvenient depression episode. And depression, for me, when it shows up, I think that everybody who experiences this probably has their own different symptoms.