LEXINGTON, Ky. (May 28, 2026) – When someone we care about is going through something painful, many of us struggle with the same question: What do I say?

On this episode of Behind the Blue, Dr. Abbie Latimer, an assistant professor in the University of Kentucky College of Social Work, talks about hospice and palliative care, serious illness communication and how people can better support one another during difficult moments. Latimer also holds an affiliate appointment in the UK College of Medicine's Department of Internal Medicine, Division of Palliative and Supportive Care.

Before joining the faculty, Latimer worked as a palliative care social worker with UK HealthCare, helping build the inpatient palliative care team and supporting patients, families and care teams through some of life's most difficult conversations. Her current work focuses on research and teaching around serious illness, moral distress, communication and psychosocial care.

Latimer recently spoke at TEDxUKY, where she shared the story of a patient she called "Fred" and explored questions many people face when someone they care about is suffering: What do I say? Why do I sometimes pull away? And how do I find my way back to simply being present?

In the conversation, Latimer explains the difference between hospice and palliative care and discusses the broad role social workers play in helping patients and their care systems, including family members, friends, clinicians and community support networks. She also describes why difficult emotions can cause people to reach for familiar phrases such as "hang in there," "stay positive" or "thoughts and prayers," even when those phrases may unintentionally create distance.

Latimer encourages listeners to focus less on finding the perfect words and more on asking open, compassionate questions. Simple prompts such as "Is it okay if we talk about this?" or "What are you most worried about?" can open the door to deeper connection without placing pressure on either person to fix what cannot be fixed.

The episode also explores how silence, presence and listening without an agenda can be meaningful forms of support. Latimer says sometimes the most helpful response is not a solution, but a willingness to sit with someone in the reality of what they are facing.

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This interview has been edited for time and clarity.