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This one is a little counter culture, and I’m getting straight to the point. So brace yourself…

Cherishing ourselves is actually the cause of all our anger and frustration. 

Now let me be clear: I’m not talking about eliminating the need for self care - there’s a reason they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first - but I am inviting us to take a deeper look at how and why we feel the way we do when something doesn’t go our way.

If you contemplate this one carefully it is clear; for example, when someone is walking slowly in front of us down the stairs - we get agitated. Then the swirl begins… we blame the other person for their “self-centered behavior” (don’t they realize you’re in a hurry? They’re holding up traffic! This is New York City!). 

Take a step back. What’s actually happening here? 

Are they the careless one? Or is our mind creating agitation that stems from thinking our need to be quick is more important than the other person’s needs? If we were able to hold a peaceful mind in that moment and instead take the opportunity to practice patience or, even better, joyfully help them down the stairs and be of service to the broader community - how much happier could we feel?

When you consider every major conflict in the world, the same pattern is there. This worldview is more important than that worldview, and little differences quickly become huge differences, and violence follows.

Alternatively, cherishing others more than yourself is a pathway to lasting happiness. According to Buddhist Master Langri Tangpa we do this in stages

STAGE 1 

First we equalize ourselves with others

STAGE 2

Then we explore cherishing others more than ourselves

The latter usually raises red flags for most people . But what about my own needs? Will I just be a doormat? And so forth… 

In Western culture we have habituated self-centered thinking our whole lives, so be gentle with yourself - this will take some time and effort to shift. Which is why we begin doing this in meditation. You can create a safe space for yourself to practice making more choices for the benefit of all. Its trial and error - a lifelong exercise of training your mind to recognize, reduce and eventually abandon acting from your self-cherishing mind. 

Oh, and the short answer is: no you don’t become a doormat. Your capacity to serve and love others, and in turn yourself, only expands. But it requires practice.

This meditation gives you an opportunity to try cherishing others. It  explores equalising self with others and then, using someone dear to us as a platform, we expand our mind to cherish all beings.

I hope you like it.

Much love, fellow souls

Side notes!

Over the Labor Day long weekend I took a beautiful three-day meditation retreat on this very topic at Kadampa Meditation Centre New York. A stunning temple in the catskills a couple of hours out of the city. 

For me, this is an example of self care for the sake of cherishing others. I enjoyed the retreat and time away to reset, and have been able to bring my own learnings back to share and embody. 

Kadampa have many centers around the world, including a center in Chelsea, and several other local branches for those in NYC, full of programs and talks on Buddhist philosophy you can explore here. 

Deeper teachings on this topic are in the book New Eight Steps to Happiness by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso which you can find in the SoulSmith recommended reading list

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