"Melancholy can have causes that aren't due to underlying disease. Examples include seeing a sad movie, loss of a loved one or object, or a good thing coming to an end."

Even though the life I have now is so much better than the life I had imagined, I never could have imagined a life as good as the one I now live, but still, the moment when you realize, for whatever reason, that the imagined life will not materialize, that moment can sometimes leave a hole.

When I left Los Angeles, I left because I thought, I felt, I knew it was no longer a "good thing." I wasn't doing what I had left Indiana to do some twenty two years prior. I wasn't in a place in my life which I had long imagined I would be. Imagined right down to the wardrobe and locations. 

But it wasn't just my time in L.A. that was "coming to an end." It was time itself. My twenties and thirties... My youth. I don't know if I would call my twenties and thirties a "good thing," but we sure had some fun. The times in which I loved L.A., and there were many, I really loved it man. Really. 

Now when I return to her, the city, I am often filled with a sense of melancholy. Why? I don't know exactly. Maybe it's because all of those places we had spent so much time are gone. Maybe it's because it reminds me of life I once had. But really, I think, it is because it reminds me of a life I had imagined. Whether good or bad. The imagined life is the hardest memory to move on from. 

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