You got tricked into being the nice guy that women rarely fuck and never respect.
I’m not sorry.
I know the culture (media?) is telling you that feelings are facts, women can fuck like men and men can cry like women— but it’s a lie. And you’re being tricked.
You’re at least 200 lbs and about 6 ft tall, you weren’t in an abusive relationship with her— you’re in a an abusive relationship with yourself.