Sticky Learning Lunches #21: Having a Mental Health Conversation Bothers Me

Use this 4-part model of M.I.N.D to have an effective mental health conversation. This is especially important when working from home.

You Can Read the Full Transcript Below:

Nathan Simmonds:

Good afternoon. Welcome to Sticky Learning Lunches with me, Nathan Simmons. Yes, I'm really excited about it. Okay. Admittedly, I've been excited previously. Every day is my favorite day. We're gonna be covering some really deep stuff, some stuff that is really personal to me, something that's really important to me. Um, and it's stuff that we, I think a lot of us here in some way, shape or form, have experiences in on, on either end of the equation. So we're just waiting for the last few people to join in. I just wanna make sure I've got full view, seeing some regulars here, which is nice.

Nathan Simmonds:

Colin, Andy. Darren, good to see you. Good. Thank you very much for being here again. Got Matt in Vicki again, good to see you. And new faces, which I'm super excited about as well. It's great to be sharing some of this content with some new people, sharing ideas, just giving it 30 seconds while we're waiting for everyone to get into the room. First things first, as always, he says with this, just reminding me to be here for sticky learning. Shut that down.

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Nathan Simmonds:

First things, first, phones. Let's get your phones out. Let's make sure they're all on flight mode. Mine is, let's zero out the distractions. We're gonna be covering some serious content today, and I wanna make sure that you are giving yourself a hundred percent attention. Not just what I'm saying or what I'm sharing, or the questions that I'm asking, that you are giving yourself 100% of your attention right now as we go through this content. Okay? Next thing is making sure we've got drinks available. Nice cup of tea.

Nathan Simmonds:

Make sure, again, like I say, it's reducing the distraction. So you've got a drink available. Phone is off, Facebook's closed down, LinkedIn done. You haven't got WhatsApp, pinging, buzzing, beeps, nothing. Making sure. So you've got your papers ready. If you've got a notepad available, fresh piece of paper, let's make sure it's the fresh page that again, you can just, uh, devote to the content of today.

Nathan Simmonds:

And at the top of that page, you're gonna write keepers. Now, keepers are the things you wanna keep hold of. They're the things that you want to remember. The things that you want to go back to that are going to evoke a new train of thought. So after listening to today's content, when you go back and read those notes, it's gonna be the things that keeps the thinking and the learning going. That's what sticky learning is all about, making it stick. So good. I think we're all here. I think we're all here right now. Let's make sure we can see everyone there. Good. So let's get into the content today. Welcome to today's lunchtime learning.

Nathan Simmonds:

My name is Nathan Simmons, senior leadership coach and trainer for MBM, making Business Matter, the Holistic Learning. And we are the leadership and soft skills provider to the grocery and manufacturing industry. These lunchtime learnings, these micro elements of content about helping you be the best version of you in the work that you do right now, where you are, whether you are working from home or in the office, and also preparing you for the return to work as well. So let's get into this. What are we covering for this week? We are covering mind. We are gonna be talking about mental health. We are gonna be

Nathan Simmonds:

Helping you create the right questions and the right focuses to develop the conversations that you need to be having with your teams. Show of yeses and nos. Who here has experience of mental health? Um, I'm not sure challenges is the right word, but you know, from, from a personal point of view, who here has some, you know, concerns, challenges, questions about their own mental health and, and their own mental wellbeing? I'm one who here has got people in their teams that have some mental health, uh, conversations that need to be had. I'm mindful my language, it means different things to different people.

Nathan Simmonds:

Tough a few years back, yet tried to hide from it. Friends, certainly employers. Yeah, I do. Absolutely. So the idea of this is, let me ask a different question. How many people here have got people in your teams that are in your direct responsibility, in your gift that you know that they have some, um, they, they, they need some support around their mental health and their mental wellbeing. But you don't know what to say. Who here is having this challenge? I do. Good. I do. Yeah.

Nathan Simmonds:

If you are gonna take one thing away from today's training, from what, the next 15 minutes, what's the one thing that you would like to take away from today that is gonna help you to have that conversation? Yes, but learning all the time. Our company charity is a mental Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So more companies are getting involved in this. More companies are getting involved with mental health, charity, uh, charities and organizations. First response is to be approachable. Absolutely.

Nathan Simmonds:

What else do you want? What else this is, and this is a question for everyone. What do you want to get from the next 15 minutes in order to support the conversations about mental health with your team? How to open it up. Good. To try and get my team member to be open with me when they need support tools to help just one person how to, how to spot it. Absolutely. Good. Let's dive into this. I've got three key elements here that I wanna share with you and I've got some other stuff that I want to kind of just go through with you. Everybody has mental health.

Nathan Simmonds:

It doesn't matter who you are or where you think you are on whatever continuum, spectrum or or framework. Everybody has mental health and a level of mental wellbeing and more businesses are talking about, which is phenomenal. The challenge is though, that just because the business is talking about it doesn't mean that your leaders are talking about it. Does it mean that your leaders have the conversational skills to open up the conversation to actually spot it?

Nathan Simmonds:

And when they do, to actually face into it, to help the individual do what they need to do, not for themselves, but to help that person that's in their gift, in their charge go and get the support they need to take the action for themselves. So as leaders now, the, the biggest, the biggest call out that I have as a previous leader, as someone that's experienced mental health from both sides is that I would probably say 95 to 98% as an educated guess of leaders simply don't know how to start the conversation.

Nathan Simmonds:

And because they're not sure they have this level of uncertainty, it makes them nervous. It makes them reticent to actually engage in it and step over that point and get into it to find out what's going on because they're worried that they'll make it worse. And in truth, the one thing that will make it worse is not actually saying anything. You can say anything to anybody as long as you do it with absolute love and respect.

Nathan Simmonds:

If you are dealing with someone that is in crisis, that has got challenges, doesn't know what the next step is for themselves, by ignoring it, you're actually gonna compound it. So we have to learn as leaders just to step into that and, you know, talk to people about this. Explain to them, you know what, I'm, I'm not used to this conversation. I feel nervous about having this conversation because this is very new to me.

Nathan Simmonds:

And at the same time, I want to ask you a question that's gonna help you do what you need to do that's gonna help improve the situa or help you to improve the thinking about the situation, whatever it might be. But I would rather have someone show me that they care, even if it was clunky or um, or nervous, at least I know they care about me 'cause they bothered to have the conversation. Yet too often we're concerned from a HR perspective, from a leadership point of view or even a tribunal point of view.

Nathan Simmonds:

Maybe I said the wrong thing. And as I said, now you can say anything you want to someone, as long as it's done absolute love and respect. Being rude is just being rude. Being inhumane is just being inhumane. And you cannot dress any of that up. So it's about, first of all, making sure that we are getting clear on our own head about how we have these conversations. So this week is gonna be all about mind. The first part on mind

Nathan Simmonds:

Is mindset. It's about helping people get clear, okay, where are they in the process? Now, the model that I've designed, the, uh, the framework, this first part is just helping people get back into their mind. It's about helping them to, um, create, um, to Dees deescalate and create enough space in order to be able to have the rest of the conversation. When people are in crisis, their brains are, are working very slightly differently. It's not incorrectly. They're doing what they believe, what the brain believes is the right process in order to keep themselves safe.

Nathan Simmonds:

And because of a situation that's happened, that process is then repeated time and time again. Whenever those indicators build up to that, we'll cover that in a minute. So the first part of this around mindset is signposting. In this model, in this framework, it's just the, the mindset part is about creating the space to help someone deescalate. Just bring the emotions back, create a center so that they can then start thinking a little bit more clearly and help 'em to, uh, move themselves forward. Whether it's in, uh, a moment of anxiety or depression or potentially the buildup to A-P-T-S-D flashback.